Sunday, August 31, 2008

Weekend Update

Well, I'm not sure who turned up to play netball yesterday but it certainly wasn't my team. I don't know where they were but it wasn't planet earth.

There were some issues with almost every girl in my team yesterday, and they just didn't "gel". Stephanie was having ex boyfriend and head cold issues. My main goalie wasn't well. One of my centre court players had to hold time and leave the court prematurely because she wasn't well. One of my defenders is the daughter of the man I blogged about earlier in the week, who recently lost his battle with cancer, so she was understandably off her game.

Basically it just didn't work.

So. Luckily we were second on the ladder which means we get another chance next week. And next week I am a player down so that means I can go back to rotating 10, which I have done all year long and have got it down to a fine art.

As for giving everyone a go... I'm still on the fence. I did play all 11 girls and I can't be sure if it was a further detrimental effect on the game because changing players around that much is very unsettling. I feel torn because I want to give everyone a go, but I don't want to do that to the detriment of the team. I have a duty to treat everyone fairly and that could also mean giving the other girls a chance at a premiership. It is afterall the reason we play the whole season. This isn't social netball, it's competitive, and a position in the team needs to be earned. We encourage and welcome anyone who wants to come and play with us, but sometimes tough decisions have to be made for the good of the club and for the good of the team. There is more than one person who needs to be considered.

So, it didn't answer any questions for me should we make the grand final. Next week I will play my 10 girls just like I always do, and if we make the grand final I will worry about it then. In essence I am avoiding it!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Sharon the Avoider

That's my new name. Sharon the avoider.

I avoid stuff. I am the queen of "putting it on the backburner". I have piles of work on my desk that I will do later.

I avoid the dentist, doctor, accountant, washing, ironing, housework of any kind, exercise and most of all I avoid at all costs confrontation.

I hate confrontation. I don't like standing up for myself. I'm a sook when it comes to confronting anyone. I don't tell people when they have hurt me. I don't tell people when they are in the wrong. When it counts the most I pretty much clam up. I take "go with the flow" to the extreme and go to great lengths to not make waves.

This isn't good. I need to work on this aspect of my life. I have a situation brewing with netball where I need to tell one of my players (not you Lightening!)Did everyone notice that link!!!
Ok, sorry, back to the subject. We have established that I have an issue with one of my netballers who isn't Lightening (showing off now!). We are about to enter finals. I have 11 girls for 7 positions on the court. Up until now I have been rotating off the bench and giving all the girls a pretty fair run. This girl is the weakest player on the team, and I really don't want to play her on grand final day if we make it that far. But that would mean I would have to tell her, and that would bring about a confrontation with her mother(who is very confrontational and scary). So, I will probably play her rather than put myself in that situation. I just hope it doesn't mean we lose....that's another thing I don't like much...losing.

So, I think I will pray and ask the Lord to just help me and lead me to do what is best for all concerned and really hope that He doesn't tell me I have to confront someone because that's just too...well...confronting!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I think I need a new job.

Yesterday my boss informed me that he is taking his family on a three month long holiday in March, April and May of 2010. He then went on to say that by then he wants me to not be his personal assistant but to completely be doing his job.

Excuse me?

I see on a daily basis the amount of stress he is under, the amount of demands placed on him by other directors in the company....and he wants me to do it for three months? EEEEEK!

Add to that the fact that April 2010 is my 20th wedding anniversary and Kym and I have long planned to take the honeymoon on our 20th wedding anniversary that we couldn't afford when we were married. Well, we did have a honeymoon, but I've always wanted one of those idyllic tropical island type honeymoons, and at ages 19 and 22 we couldn't afford that.

So, this means that I a) tell him that I don't think I can do it, which isn't necessarily true, because I think I'm capable but I'm not sure I want to. b)I start really paying attention when he tells me something about his job so I can do it well. c) I have 18 months to find a new job and avoid the whole situation. Avoiding is good. I can do that.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Today I went to see Stephanie's counselor. I've been to see this lovely Christian lady myself in the past when I have needed help and today I sort of stood in for Stephanie. Stephanie left to go on a school camp this morning so couldn't make it, so when Gladys suggested I come along and catch up with where I am at and how I am coping I thought it couldn't hurt.

And it didn't hurt.

It really helped.

She was able to shed some light on why Stephanie thinks the way she does, and why I react the way I do. She also gave me some great tips and ideas on parenting in a Godly way during the teenage years.

But most of all she encouraged me. She gave me the great compliment of telling me what a good job I'm doing, and how I am a truly connected parent. That is a huge compliment, and I'm not sure I deserve it although I do try to keep the lines of communication open with Stephanie.

So....if anyone needs some advice see me! I'm an expert! Not! What I am doing is trying my best, and trying to trust the Lord with the care of my daughter. Trusting your childs care to someone else is really hard, even when that someone else is the creator of the universe!

Lord, thankyou for sending Gladys to offer me encouragement and advice. Thank you for continuing to watch over Stephanie. I pray that she can have a great time at school camp and get along with everyone and just enjoy the friendship and fellowship of her classmates. I pray that she behaves herself and does what she is told! All the time! Not just at school camp!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Please Pray

Last night after a four year long battle the father of one of Stephanie's close friends succumbed to cancer.

He is no longer in pain, his fight is over, he is with our Lord in eternity.

He leaves behind a wife and five children. They will take comfort in the knowledge that he is finally free of the pain and that he has gone home, but losing a father and husband at such a young age will still be very difficult.

They have prayed for and believed in a cure for him and I'm worried that this may knock their faith. He may have left this earth, but he is healed.

So please pray for this family, for the children who have lost their father, and for a wife who has just lost her second husband to cancer.

Lord, thank you that Grant is free and that he is with you. I pray for his wife and children, especially Steph's friend who has already carried a huge burden in helping her Mum with the younger children while her Dad was so ill. I pray that they will look to you for comfort and not turn away from you now when they need you most. I pray that Steph can be a comfort to her friend, and not be afraid to speak to her for fear of saying the wrong thing. If there is anything I can do to help this family please place it on my heart.

Saturday, August 23, 2008


Ok, getting away from teeth for a while.

But just in case you are wondering the temporary filling seems to have helped, it only hurts when I eat which you would think would be doing wonders for my diet....but no.

Below is a picture of a road, a wet, muddy, slippery road. It is very similar to the road that I drive on to go to work each day. It's not the actual road I drive on because that would have meant that I had to get out of the car and take a photo, and that could have ruined my shoes, and that is just not something I was prepared to do! Not even for my bloggy friends! There are just some lines that you do not cross!

Our roads have a pretty high proportion of clay in them, which means that when they get wet like this you have to drive veeerrry slowly and veeerrry carefully. Of course you only have to drive slowly and carefully if you wish to stay on the road, and that is purely up to you! Although I can tell you from experience if you run off the road, hit a fence, scratch your car and get a flat tyre in the process you are forced to get out of the car, and that brings about the shoe issue again.

So, what's my point in all this? My point is that we are in the last week of August and it is STILL raining! Our crops are looking like this:

This is wheat, although don't ask me what variety. I had to ask Kym whether it was wheat or barley because I can't tell the difference until it comes out in head. At this time last year our crops were looking sad, and yellow, and just plain unhealthy. But look at this! Praise the Lord!

We are having the best finish to a growing season in five long years. Five bad years can be pretty tough on a community, family, relationship, and we certainly aren't counting our chickens yet.

.....but there is just the faintest glimmer of hope and air of optimism about the community at the moment.

Lord, thankyou for the continued rain throughout August. Our crops are growing strong and healthy and we are so grateful to you for providing the rain to sustain them. I pray now for finishing rain when the crops come out in head to allow the grains to form fully.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I hate my teeth

Today I discovered that I have two wisdom teeth. Great. When I was 21 I had the two on the bottom row out. Today's xrays showed that while I had a tooth out, it wasn't my wisdom tooth.

That wisdom tooth is now broken with damage to the roots and needs to come out. Only it runs really close to a nerve and the roots are so long they are actually embedded in my jaw.

So what does this mean? A visit to the oral surgeon. That sounds even scarier than a dentist. The one who visits Port Lincoln is very busy so I won't get an appointment for a couple of months, and then I probably won't have the procedure until a month or so after that. I have to say I don't mind putting it off!

For the moment the tooth has been filled with a temporary filling to stop it from hurting while I wait for my appointment. Once all that settles down we will be able to see if I am still experiencing pain from the other tooth on the top row. I'm half tempted to ask him to just knock me out and take them both. Or take them all and give me nice strong false teeth. I have had nothing but trouble with my teeth my whole life and it's not fair. I brush, floss, rinse and visit the dentist regularly. REALLY regularly!!!!! I have spent sooooo much money at the dentist! And it's not a fun way to spend your cash!

Sigh. The anaesthetic (stupid word, can't spell it) has begun to wear off now and the pain is coming back. Time for more painkillers. I'll probably get a stomache ulcer next from all the painkillers. Not that I'm being negative or anything. Sulk.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Attitude Check

I struggled to be nice today.

I mean I really struggled.

Everyone bothered me. I was intolerant. I was over sensitive. I was ungracious. I just wasn't a very nice person.

And I had no real reason that I can pinpoint. Sure my tooth hurts but I have drugs for that. It's not that time of month, so can't use that excuse. Work is a bit stressful at the moment but nothing out of the ordinary. So, I can't actually rationalise what my problem is. Because I don't really know.

So, tomorrow is a new day, and a new opportunity to try to live the way my Lord would want me to.

Philippians 2:5
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus

I'm afraid today, and if I'm honest, most days, I fall well short of this.

Lord, help me to not let circumstances get me down and forget to be grateful. Help me to give thanks to you for all you have done for me, help me to pray with thanksgiving and faith. Forgive me for the unkind thoughts I've had and words I have spoken. Help me to guard my tongue and use it only to speak life and glorify you.

A trip to the dentist...

Yay. I'm thrilled. Not.

I've just come from the doctor who told me there is nothing wrong with my ears.

On the same side of my face that I have been experiencing ear/jaw pain I have one broken tooth, and one wisdom tooth growing sideways. Obviously I was kidding myself when I was hoping for a mere ear infection!

So I have made an appointment with a dentist in Port Lincoln. I have been going to our local dentist here but there is a three month waiting period, and at the rate my teeth seem to be breaking I will have none left by then.

My appointment is on Wednesday, and now I'm hoping that it's just the broken tooth causing the pain, because a filling is way easier than having a wisdom tooth out! I wasn't supposed to get any more wisdom teeth. When I was 21 I had the bottom two removed (and it's still a vivid and painful memory) and xrays taken which showed that I didn't have any wisdom teeth growing at all on my top row. Lucky me to be so wise to grow one in secret, and then grow it sideways.

Sigh. I just really don't need this right now.

Hope everyone else is having a better day than me!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Beauty From Pain

Beauty from Pain is a song by Superchick that Stephanie is listening to a lot lately.

As I'm sure you know Superchick are a fantastic Christian rock band. Their songs are meaningful, beautiful and sometimes controversial. They write about issues facing teenagers of today like self harm, eating disorders, depression and bullying, with a Christian viewpoint.

I would put a youtube link in here now if I knew how to share the song with you, but I'm not that clever!

While I'm thrilled that Stephanie is listening to a Christian band, I'm a little nervous that this is the song she seems to listen to a lot.

My whole world is the pain inside me,
The best I can do is just get through the day.
When life before is only a memory,
I wonder why God let's me walk through this place.

Is this how she really feels? The song goes on to reassure you that God will see you through any trial and He will never leave you but I'm not sure Stephanie is hearing that right now...I'm not even sure that she believes in God anymore.

The chorus is full of hope, I just hope she is hearing it.

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Lord, I pray that Stephanie is hearing you speak to her through this beautiful song. I pray that she hears the promise, that you will always stand by her, and you will bring her through this difficult time that she is experiencing.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Flat Friday

After the huge week I've had, I have to say today I am struggling.

So much is on my mind, and my mind isn't really up to having much on it!

So, I'm going to have a little whinge to you all, sorry in advance, and I won't be offended if you stop reading now!

I have an ear ache, or maybe a tooth ache. I'm not sure, I'm hoping it's an ear ache because I really don't like dentists (no offence to your hubby Leah!).

I am tired. So very tired. I cry when I'm tired. I've just had lunch and watched Libby Tricket get a silver medal in the 100m butterfly. She isn't having a good meet our Libby, she scraped into the final because someone else was disqualified. She led the whole race til the last stroke, and then was so beautiful and gracious in defeat it made me cry. Then she was so grateful and thankful for making the final and getting a silver medal it made me cry again. Now I'm crying just thinking about it. Like I said, I cry when I'm tired.

I have so much work to do and I just can't get my head in the right space.

I argued with Kym earlier in the week about being a Christian. He called it a cult. I didn't know what to say to that. So I threw the remote control at him and went to bed. I don't think that's what the Lord wanted me to do. It was so heartbreaking to hear, I thought we were starting to knock down that wall he's built around himself.

Ok. Enough of that....some good stuff has happened so I'm going to try to focus on the positives.

Stephanie is pretty happy at the moment. I'm pretty sure we have made it through a week without tears.

The day after telling me I belong to a cult Kym worked voluntarily with all the other "cult" members in our church, raising money for our church. And he was happy to do it. Go figure. When I'm thinking logically and not getting all upset (which I'm not really capable of at the moment) I don't think he really meant that. And I'm hoping this means that Satan is getting worried and is starting to really put up a fight.

We had more rain during the week. And it's just starting to rain again now.

Tomorrow I get to sleep in. Now that is really worth being thankful for!

Lord, please help me to remember to be thankful for all that you have given me. Help me to remain calm in the face of opposition and not let my emotions get the better of me. Help me to speak love and life to my family and to allow you to speak through me.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Another day at the Field Days

Hi everyone.

I'm still walking (barely) after another day on my feet!

I took a couple of photo's today to share, so here they are...

Below is about half the tractors we have on display at our site. If you imagine another 20 or so sites like this displaying machinery, plus another 200 or so displaying everything from homewares, food, fencing, clothing to hats and socks then you have our field day. I was going to take a photo of the whole thing but you really need an aerial shot to do it justice. By the way, note the beautiful blue winter sky and lovely green pasture in the paddock in the background? We are having the best August in FIVE years! Praise the Lord! Please keep praying for an end to this drought, and for spring rains to finish our crops!

And here we have Stephanie and her cousin Renee acting the goat. Something they do exceptionally well. Their aim for today was to sit inside every tractor at the field day... I think they lost interest before they achieved that!

Tomorrow is the last day when everyone will pack up and go home until two years time when we will do it all again.

It's a huge amount of work for the local community, but it injects a lot of income into our local sporting clubs, churches and schools and the hard work is worth the effort.

I have to say at this stage I'm really looking forward to Saturday when it will all be over!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Poor old knees!

Over the past two days I have spent a lot of time climbing in and out of tractors. Really big tractors. I actually have trouble reaching the first step to climb up into them.

Yesterday was spent preparing for our bi annual Eyre Peninsula Field Day. The field day runs for three days and it's huge. I work for a Case IH dealer so we have a large display of tractors, combines, front end loaders etc. It was my job to print off specification sheets for each piece of machinery and stick them in the cab so that when a farmer came along to have a look all the information was there in front of them.

Today was the first day of the field day, and I spent most of the day on my feet, which is something my poor netball battered old knee's just aren't used to. I handed out brochures and giveaways to the kids and had a pretty enjoyable day. Beats sitting in the office, and it was lovely to get out and about and talk to people from all over the state.

Tomorrow is more of the same but I'm going to try to remember my camera so that I can take some photo's to share. Tomorrow I also hope to have a bit of time to go have a look around at the other display's. There are many shopping opportunities!

So now I'm taking my tired and weary legs off to bed, to rest up for another day!

All those who have jobs that keep them on their feet all day...I salute you!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Spat the dummy

Yes, that's just what I did tonight.

Call it what you will...spat the dummy...chucked a wobbly....threw my toys out of the cot...had a my knickers in a twist...threw a tanty...

You get the idea.

I lost my cool.

While blowdrying Stephanie's hair for her (it's a bit of a Friday night tradition for us) she was moaning about not having anything to do this weekend. Then she complained that she saw Corey and their old friends and she just KNOWS they are having fun to spite her (yes, of course they are). Then she complained that she didn't like the highlights she had put in her hair (which cost her ever tolerant Mum $75). Then she complained that there was nothing on tv.

At this point I found myself practising extreme self control. Because I didn't hit her over the head with the hair brush. I did however have a bit to say on the matter.

Here is what I can remember of my little tirade "All you do is complain. It's about time you stopped wallowing in self pity and stopped blaming other people for every little thing that's gone wrong in your life. It's about time you took some responsibility and learned from your mistakes. If all you do every day is whinge and complain you will have no friends left because they will be sick of you. You are surrounded by people who love you and want to help you and all you do is complain, you are the most ungrateful person on the face of the earth. Why don't you get over yourself and grow up."

Then I stormed out of her room and went and had a shower. I felt like such a bad mother, and I wish I hadn't snapped like that, but in all honesty I truly believe that there were things there that she needed to hear.

So...I got out of the shower and skulked about in the kitchen for a while. Thinking I should go and apologise, knowing that she would be sulking and not speaking to me (she has kept this up for days in the past).

Then something amazing happened. She came out of her bedroom, ate dinner with us, made conversation, smiled and didn't complain. So shock, horror, surprise, she may have taken some of what I said on board......

Does this mean I don't have to apologise now?

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Am I getting in the way?

Something I read while relaxing in a nice warm bubble bath just now has got me thinking...

Am I getting in the Lords way?

How do I know whether or not my attempts to help Stephanie are hindering the Lord?

Does the mere fact that I'm contemplating this mean that I am, indeed, getting in the way?

I guess the best course of action for me to take now is to hand her over, get my hands off in order to let him do his stuff.

Lord, help me to reliquish Stephanie completely into Your hands. I know I've done this before but I keep wanting to snatch her back, out of my own fear and lack of faith. Forgive me for forgetting that I must surrender every aspect of her life to You. I know I can trust You to bring her through this dark period she is having, in whatever way You see fit. Help me to let go and give Stephanie to You unreservedly. I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Prayer Day

Today much of my time was spent in prayer, I honestly don't know how I ever coped with anything without prayer...

Steph had a bit of a rough day, and I think there will be more rough days before she comes out the other side of this fog she is travelling through. I was tough, and mean again, and made her stay at school.

I feel quite strongly that the darkness she is experiencing is Satan. He is trying to steal her joy, her self worth, her smile.

So at the moment I am concentrating my prayers on praying for protection for Steph. I'd like to take to her bedroom walls with a marker and write scripture everywhere but I don't think she'd appreciate that on her newly painted pink walls. I'll have to come up with a more subtle method. I just feel really strongly that I need to be vigilant.

I have been reading Psalms tonight, and a couple have jumped out at me:

Psalm 23:20 Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.

Psalm 23:18 Look upon my affliction and my distress and tak away all my sins.
This one in particular in relation to Stephanie. I told her that she will feel happy again, that good things will happen. She said "Good things don't happen to bad people." So in light of that comment I think I will continue to pray Psalm 23:18 over her.

Also Psalm 121:7 The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life.
That's pretty comforting for me too!

Steph has a couple of days off school now. Tomorrow the teachers are going on strike for half a day, with the second half of the day being supervised study for secondary students. I have told her she can take the whole day if she studies at home. I will of course be checking up on her! On Thursday she has a work shadowing day as part of her agricultural studies. She gets to follow a farmer around for the day and help out (not her Dad!). She has chosen a very dear friend of ours (who also happens to be her God Father) and she will enjoy the day with him. She has always had a bond with that family and they really care for her so I'm hoping that will be refreshment for her soul.

Lord, please protect Stephanie and watch over her now while she sleeps. Take this time of rest to heal her Lord. Let her feel your presence and the safety of sheltering in your arms. I pray that she will see the need for you in her life, and will turn to you for all the help and comfort she needs. Let her know that no matter what she is facing, there is an answer in your arms. Please look upon her affliction and her distress and take away all her sins, help her forgive herself as you have forgiven her. I pray the you will watch over her life and keep her from harm.

Cheeky Stephanie. We want her back.

Monday, August 4, 2008


I had the strangest dream the other night.

I haven't actually told anyone about it, because I'm not sure how to describe it, and I don't know what it means so that holds two big problems for me. Being lost for words, and admitting I don't know something.....unchartered territory!

So, I will try telling you about it in writing, because I seem to better at that than verbalising (although I am still pretty good a verbalising!) But I digress...

My dream started with what appeared to be a game, like a strange reality TV game. The contestants had to find as many souls as they could and deliver them to the host of the game. I'm not sure how these souls were acquired, but I remember something about God having to follow these people around, putting lost souls back to rest and just generally clearing up the mess they made.

Now comes the scary bit. For some reason I was in my daughters spare bed, sleeping away happily, as you do. From underneath me a ....struggling for the right words now..... ghostly, purely evil being wrapped his hands around my head and tried to pull me downwards. They were strong bony hands and they felt like a vice around my head. I remember thinking to myself "this is just a dream, it can't hurt you" for a split second before I tried to scream, but couldn't make a sound. I then had the conscious thought that I needed to wake up and I physically shook myself to do so. It took me a few minutes to compose myself before trying to go back to sleep, to no avail. I finally managed to fall back asleep by praying. I don't know what I prayed, or if it was coherant but I went back to sleep and dreamt of nice fat cows munching happily away in green fields.

It could have just been a dream but it felt so real. And I still remember every detail.

I guess if it means something then the Lord will reveal it to me when I am ready to hear it. I just hope I don't have to dream it again!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Footprints in the sand

Last night we spent the night at Port Neill, a beautiful coastal town about 30 minutes drive from where we live. We are very fortunate to have a beach house (or shack as we call it here in Australia) that has been in the family for a couple of generations. If you tried to buy this real estate now you'd be looking at an awful lot of money.

So, this is the view that I woke up to this morning. It was such a balm to my weary and wounded soul. The beauty, serenity and unspoiltness of this place never fails to take my breath away.
Scott and I decided to walk around to the point and back after breakfast. We had a lovely walk together, chatting about this and that. He still asks lots of questions. I thought he'd have been past that stage by 13, but is still an inquisitive little boy at heart. The footprint on the left is his. So much for being a little boy!

And just when I thought he was all grown up he still likes to climb around rocks, find interesting shells, and squeeze himself into holes!
Scott decided you needed to see a photo of me. So here I am. It was a lovely way to spend an hour on a Sunday morning before we had to pack up and come home.

I feel so blessed to live where I do. We can visit this beautiful place anytime and we tend to take it for granted. As we tend to take most of the blessings in our lives for granted. My challenge this week is to be thankful for what I have, to praise the Lord for the amazing blessings he gives me every day.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

So, there a couple of challenges there for me. "Do not be anxious about anything", and "with thanksgiving".

Lord please help me to remember to be thankful for what I have, and thank you so much for the many blessings I receive from You daily. Thank you for guiding me to look inside myself and highlighting the areas I need help with. As I start another week I pray that I can look to you in times of stress, and remain calm in the knowledge that it's all in Your hands.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Leaving it with the Lord

Leaving it with the Lord, and trusting that He knows what is right for my family and myself is something that I really struggle with.

I want to fix things. I want to remain in control. I want things to happen when it's convenient for ME. And most of all I do not want to be taught lessons until I feel that I am ready to learn them, which would be never of course, because I am always right!

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths"

This trust thing is something I'm finding difficult. I have now issue in acknowledging the Lord for all the wonderful things He has done in my life, and for all the blessing He has bestowed upon me. I need to learn the trust part. Imagine me thinking "no sorry Lord, this is a biggie, I'd better handle this one". Who do I think Iam?

And then there is Matthew 12:9-10 But he said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak then I am strong.

"For when I am weak then I am strong"??? I hate feeling powerless. Or weak. I certainly don't "boast" about it. I try to be capable, organised (I did say "I try"), calm, and IN CONTROL.

There have been a few moments this week when I have been broken. I have felt helpless and at a complete loss of where to from here. This in the past has been when I would try to fix things myself, but this time I didn't. This time I cried out to the Lord. And I felt so close to Him, and He directed me, and I heard Him. "In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths". Well go figure. The Bible was right!

So now I don't feel in control, but I do feel at peace. I would never in a million years have thought that it was possible to feel at peace without being in complete control.

Lord, I'm sorry that I have to be broken to listen to you. Please help me to learn to trust you fully and commit my life to your hands. Thankyou for my friends and for their prayers and concern for me. Thankyou that Stephanie seems to have made some improvement today. I pray that she can continue to learn to value herself, and to lean on your love and support to get her through difficult times. Please speak to her heart Lord. I pray that she will decide to go to bible study tonight, and that she will learn more about you.