Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Journey of Faith

My faith journey has been somewhat rocky this year...

We started out ok, pretty normal, and then I just didn't find time for regular church. And that's where the trouble started.

I set myself a goal of reading the bible in a year, and got stuck at March, and then started to beat myself up. More trouble.

I failed at being a good Christian, asked forgiveness, failed again, asked forgiveness, failed again, asked forgiveness, failed again.... until in about April I threw my hands in the air and GAVE UP.

I decided that if I couldn't be a good Christian then I would be a Christian at all. Plenty of people seem to get through life with less drama and hassle than me without God. So I decided that God didn't exist. Stamped my feet, stuck my tongue out and blew a big fat raspberry skyward.

That lasted until I went to bed that night, and said my usual prayer before going to sleep...only I thought, hang on, who are you praying to? You can't pray to God if you don't believe in him. After a silent little argument with myself I decided FINE. You do exist. But I'm ignoring you. So there.

That lasted right up until late July when the wheels fell off. Scott got a new job. We packed him up, found him a rental, moved him in. And two weeks later he quit. Just like that. Hated it so he quit. At which point I literally fell to my knees and said sorry. I'm sorry for trying to do it myself. I'm nothing without you. I can't do it alone.

Since then has been a slow and long recovery. It's like getting divorced and trying to start over. I feel like I've cheated. I'm beating myself up again and a few times I've almost quit again. Almost. God isn't letting go so easily this time. He got me back to church with a phone call to remind me that it's my turn to lead worship. He's been bombarding me daily with scripture on facebook, on my kindle, in my devotions. Everything I read seems to point me back to the One.

Lord, I know I can't do it alone, but I still try. Please help me to surrender myself and my life to you completely. Help me to trust in your plan. In your precious name I pray. Amen.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Life the universe and everything...

Well it's been over twelve months and I feel the need to blog again.

It's just nice to write it down, and I miss writing.

This year we are anticipating the biggest, most amazing harvest in LIVING MEMORY. Well, my living memory anyway, that's still a pretty long time.I can't get over how wonderful everything looks, so lush and green, the crop is so thick it looks like you could walk on it.

Scott decided not to continue with school this year (well, he refused), so did a mining course instead. Perfect attendance, excellent grades and references from his tutors - amazing what a difference it made to study something he was interested in. He's now just playing the waiting game, he decided he wanted to get into mining pretty much just as the bottom fell out of it here in South Australia. But it will come back. It always does. In the meantime he's working with his Dad on the farm and he will be really busy working for a bulk grain handler during harvest. By the looks of the crops, very busy. Did I say they look amazing??

Steph finished her administration traineeship and is now working in a health market and cafe. Loves it. Health food is right up her alley. She's also studying (again), a Diploma in Fitness this time. I think she will just merrily go through life collecting qualifications until she happens on the career she wants. It's been lovely having her near by. We see her around once per week which is lovely.

Faith this year for me has and continues to be a stuggle, but that's a journey I will blog about later. Can't do it all at once!

Lord, thankyou for the continued rain and for the crops we have in our paddocks. I pray now for an uneventful, speedy harvest with no accidents, breakdowns or freyed tempers. Thank you for the health of Kym, Steph and Scott and for continually watching over them. Please help me to be the best wife, Mum and child of God that I can be. In your precious name. Amen.