Yes, that's just what I did tonight.
Call it what you will...spat the dummy...chucked a wobbly....threw my toys out of the cot...had a cow...got my knickers in a twist...threw a tanty...
You get the idea.
I lost my cool.
While blowdrying Stephanie's hair for her (it's a bit of a Friday night tradition for us) she was moaning about not having anything to do this weekend. Then she complained that she saw Corey and their old friends and she just KNOWS they are having fun to spite her (yes, of course they are). Then she complained that she didn't like the highlights she had put in her hair (which cost her ever tolerant Mum $75). Then she complained that there was nothing on tv.
At this point I found myself practising extreme self control. Because I didn't hit her over the head with the hair brush. I did however have a bit to say on the matter.
Here is what I can remember of my little tirade "All you do is complain. It's about time you stopped wallowing in self pity and stopped blaming other people for every little thing that's gone wrong in your life. It's about time you took some responsibility and learned from your mistakes. If all you do every day is whinge and complain you will have no friends left because they will be sick of you. You are surrounded by people who love you and want to help you and all you do is complain, you are the most ungrateful person on the face of the earth. Why don't you get over yourself and grow up."
Then I stormed out of her room and went and had a shower. I felt like such a bad mother, and I wish I hadn't snapped like that, but in all honesty I truly believe that there were things there that she needed to hear.
So...I got out of the shower and skulked about in the kitchen for a while. Thinking I should go and apologise, knowing that she would be sulking and not speaking to me (she has kept this up for days in the past).
Then something amazing happened. She came out of her bedroom, ate dinner with us, made conversation, smiled and didn't complain. So shock, horror, surprise, she may have taken some of what I said on board......
Does this mean I don't have to apologise now?
Friday, August 8, 2008
Spat the dummy
Posted by HisPrincess at 10:04 PM
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11 valued opinions!:
Well.... no!
When this happens to me (imagine that!), I usually do go and apologize for losing my temper and telling 'that' child (or my husband) that I'm pleased to see they took what I shared, considered it and realized something did need to change ~ BUT I really went about telling them in an improper way. I shouldn't have yelled, spouted off everything I did say in the way that I said it, etc. Sure you get what I'm saying... :)
While I'm sure Stephanie did need to hear what you said, she'd probably like to hear that it would have been better (more biblical even) to have shared with her in a different format. You may even tell her that it frustrates you that it seems the only way to get through to her is when you 'lose your cool' and you would like to be able to talk about life, attitudes, behavior in a different setting next time...(and perhaps she would be able to talk with you, in the same manner about 'things' too) :)
Have a great weekend!
I always try to apologize to my kids when I "flip my wig", "lose my cool" or "freak out." And I never, ever say "I'm sorry BUT", because that but means you really aren't sorry.
So say "I'm so sorry I lost my cool. It wasn't cool." Then say "I do think that you need to work on...."(not whinning, being happy, etc.) "I just didn't tell you in a very nice way. I was impressed with your improved behavior over dinner, and by the way I love you!"
Good luck. I guess this means that tough love really works. SMILE!
I am glad to hear I am not the only one!
Once I blow my top it seems to make others aware that I mean what I mean..... they may scatter but I still go and apologise because I am usually the one who cannot sleep when I have wronged! I strongle believe in not letting the sun go down on your anger! Even if it takes hours to say sorry.
Pray your day has been much better today.
Lynette
Hi! (I'm back). You and I both need to work on our guilt trips. I think we are so much alike when it comes to our kids. We want SO badly for them to be happy that we end up letting things go until we end up exploding at them...sometimes over something minor. But, what you said needed to be said. Chatty Kelly and I were just talking yesterday about how the truth hurts. So, yes, it hurt her....but it needed to be said.
BTW, try not to feel guilty. Teenagers can sense your guilt and use it against you!! :)
Joanie, yes I realised that I still needed to apologise. It is really frustrating that I sometimes have to go to such lengths to get my message across.
I guess it worked so well because it happens rarely. My kids (and my husband) know that if I "flip my lid" then they have pushed it too far!
Lynette, yes I think we are all human, and everyone loses patience at some stage.
Kelly, I didn't apologise in quite the way you recommended, but I didn't say BUT!
Mary, funnily enough I didn't feel guilty for long...just angry and frustrated. I'm still frustrated with her but I'm over the anger...for the moment!
Sometimes tough love is exactly what is needed!! I know that is the only thing that has 'shocked' me into reality in the past. No I don't think you need to apologize for telling the truth. She needed to hear that the world does not revolve around her and that she has a responsibility for her own happiness.
Good work, Mom!!
Leah
All I have to say is don't we have a lot of ways to say we've flipped the lid?...
Hope your darling girl's behaviour has continued to please her Mama...
Oh, I didn't read your comment... you used the "flip your lid" already... I'm certain I'll come up with another, but for now I'm off to pump some zeds!
Too funny. The only expression I've heard of was have a cow. I've had moments like this myself.
Done my nana (Australian slang for banana)
Spat the chewy
Threw a fit
Had a hissy fit
Went postal
Went off my tree
Thats about all I can think of!
I loved this: It's about time you took some responsibility and learned from your mistakes.
OH sister, we are on the same page. I loved your daughter's mature response though!!
Awesome!!
Love ya,
Lelia
I think recently you sent me an email when I asked for prayer requests. I never received it because it bounced but if you still have it re-send it to me again as I've fixed the problem so my messages actually get delivered to me. I could see who it was coming from, but not the message. :)
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