I have a friend who has just returned to full time work. She is really struggling with the hours and time management of her family plus the stress of learning a new job.
And she complains about it.
Constantly.
Continuously.
On and on and on and on she goes.
I have started avoiding go to her house for lunch. I have been telling myself what a good friend I am because I have refrained from telling her to suck it up and get over it (which is what I have been thinking). I know all about working full time and the pressures and stresses that brings. Does she think she is the only person in the world who has to deal with this?
I had a realisation in the shower this morning (sorry for that mental image people! Sharon in the shower is not a pretty sight!). I am not a good friend. Instead of listening begrudgingly and muttering under my breath I should be offering support. I have been listening, but not really listening. When she starts on this line of coversation I have been inwardly rolling my eyes and thinking "here we go again". I have to stop and think about what a big adjustment this is for her, and stop thinking about me.
So, tomorrow I will have lunch with her and I will listen empathetically. I will tell her she is doing a great job, and that it will get easier.
Thank you Lord for bringing my faults to my attention again. Forgive me for my impatience and help me to be a supportive and encouraging friend.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Bad Friend
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7 valued opinions!:
I can fully understand what you are going through Sharon as I have a "friend" who is always complaining about her teen boys, no money, what is wrong in the church etc..... and sometimes I come away wondering why she is like this?
You gave me a challenge to try and meet her where she is at. Maybe she is wanting to be loved. Maybe she needs to experience Gods unconditional love!To know in a real way that He is looking after her!
Maybe I just need to start praying for my attitude towards her and for God to show me how I can be a friend of quiet influence rather than reactive.
Praying you also find some wisdom.
Lynette
Well, I certainly hope she doesn't read your blog!!! But I know how you feel - I had a complaining friend and I tried to be Pollyanna to her, always looking on the bright side of everything...it didn't work.
But I know you will encourage your friend that you know how she feels and hopefully this will be a short season and then she will get into the groove.
Hang in there!
Thanks Lynette for your prayers. They are appreciated.
No Kelly, she doesn't read my blog! She isn't the type of person who is interested in spending time on the computer. And yet I am still friends with her! She is also a bit of an anti Christian which brings about some lively debate at times. I keep reminding her that it's no accident that two of her closest friends are Christians!
This should cause us all to pause and consider if we are the ones doing the griping and complaining????
Leah
Your friend would complain to you, and probably many more around her - she doesn't know she can yet take her burdens to her Saviour. Bless your heart for seeing what God would have you do so that your friend might see Jesus.
Being a good friend is sometimes overwhelming. Especially one that complains all the time as that can bring you down. I have one of those. I love her to death but the negativity can get old. Also, sometimes it feels like a one-sided friendship. And that's hard.
Sounds to me like you are doing a good job and as long as her complaints are temporary...things should be fine!
Yes you are right Leah, we all need to stop ourselves sometimes. Well, I do!
Naomi, we have much debate about God! She is very intelligent and challenging which I find stimulating! I make sure I'm sure of my facts before I get into one of our discussions!
Yes Mary, being a good friend is sometimes really tough. But I guess it's tough being my friend sometimes too and it's good to remember that!
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