Let Down

I'm feeling really flat this morning. I'm not entirely sure why but for some reason I feel overwhelmed and close to tears. Like it's not going to take much to send me over the edge.

Stephanie's facebook status this morning is gleefully telling the world that it's 48 days until she moves to Adelaide. I'm thinking that could have something to do with it.

I'm also feeling the downside of having a daughter who shares everything with you. There are some things I just don't really want to know. She has been talking to a new boy (guess I should call him a man, they are all adults now...SIGH...) I could tell she really liked him by the way that she talked about him and how MUCH she talked about him. I think it was fair to assume the feeling was mutual since he rang her every day twice a day. They live 200km apart so up until yesterday they had only really spoken via text and phone. She has met him but as a friend of a friend.

She spent the day with him yesterday and came away feeling a bit dissappointed. She gets the feeling that he isn't over his ex girlfriend and isn't sure she wants to get involved for fear of getting hurt. But I can tell she really likes him. So now she is waiting for the phone to ring. And not really sure what she should do or what he wants to do.

Now if I had a NORMAL teenager I would be blissfully unaware that any of this is happening! Because on the surface she is business as usual. And to be honest I'm really not sure why it's affected me this way. Steph has had breakups and disappointments before but it's never got me down too much. Perhaps it's that coupled with the knowledge that she is leaving, and next year I will be unaware of what she is thinking and feeling because she won't physically be here.

I don't know. All I can say is that I'm not feeling particularly Merry this Christmas eve....

Lord, please watch over Stephanie. Guide her thoughts and her actions. Guide this young man also, encourage him to do the right thing and not leave her hanging and let her know where she stands. Please watch over her when she leaves home. Give her the strength and the confidence and the commitment she needs to fulfill her dreams and help her to be everthything you made her to be.

Harvest Frustrations

Harvest is fast becoming an exercise in frustration for the Bates (and many other families) family this year. Usually by this time of year the harvest is well under way, some people are even near finishing.

Not this year.

This year we have been blessed with a wetter than usual winter and spring. And after several years of drought this has been a huge blessing indeed.

But it has continued to be wet. Note the ominous clouds in the picture above. In the past three weeks we have been able to harvest for three days. It's become so wet now that our beautiful crops are in danger or re shooting, rotting, or just simply falling over. Barley in particular is notorious for breaking and ending up on the ground where it can't be retrieved.

We have had two dry days so far this week, and the weather forecast is for dry weather to continue for the next few days. We haven't been able to resume harvest as yet as the grain has to dry out to be below 12% moisture before it can be sold.

So here's hoping for a dry few weeks!!


Lord, thank you so much for the amazing crops we have been blessed with this year. I pray now that the weather will hold to enable the harvest to continue. Amen.

I'm worried.

I'm worried that I haven't done enough.

As far as my children's Christian upbringing goes I'm a bit of a single parent. And I'm pretty sure I haven't done enough.

I'm not even sure that I've done my best.

Stephanie goes out into the world on her own next year and I'm really concerned that her walk with Jesus will end there. She will be living right next door to a church, but that doesn't mean she will cross it's thresh hold.

At the moment she is relishing her new found grown upness. But I can see that she isn't really that grown up at all. She is still that little girl looking for acceptance. I just pray that she grows to understand that the only one who will really accept her completely and unconditionally is her Lord and Saviour.

Lord, please speak to Stephanie's heart. Let her know that you are there. Guide her decisions and her life. Help her to grow into the young woman you made her to be. Amen.

Graduation and other woes

This group of wonderful young people from our church have now graduated high school and are about to head off into the big wide world. Yesterday we held a special service for them to dedicate them and their future to the Lord and to wish them well. We made it very clear to them that we were by no means saying goodbye...we expect many visits!!

On the left we have Amber who will go to Adelaide to study childcare, then Tom who is moving away to start an apprenticeship, next is Fabian who has an apprenticeship lined up in Adelaide, and Sophie who will study journalism at Uni and Steph who will study acupuncture.

I was a bit worried about how I would cope during the service. I'm SO not ready to face the prospect of my little girl leaving home. I was doing ok until our worship leader asked the children and youth to sing the first verse of one of my favourite worship songs "Here Iam to Worship". Standing next to Stephanie, listening to her sing a beautiful song in her beautiful, sweet, clear voice was my undoing. I couldn't join in with the song when we were supposed to. Our pianist looked up and saw Steph singing with all her heart, and me being a dribbling mess and she almost lost it as well, which just made me worse!!

But all in all the service was lovely, and positive and a wonderful tribute to these amazing young people. A special moment was when their grandparents stood behind them and said a special prayer just for them (and they all had their grandparents there - how cool is that?).

My hope for this gorgeous young woman now is that she will remember the Lord when I'm not there to remind her. That she will look to her bible when she needs advice, and that she will always remember that our home will always be hers.

Lord, please help Stephanie remember that she is your princess. Encourage her to always look to your word for advice and to live her life for your glory. Amen.

Change is afoot...

I usually welcome change with open arms. I've been known to change things just for sake of having a change.

At the moment I'm struggling to imagine enjoying the changes about to take place in our family. Nothing new, or drastic, these changes have been happening since time began.

I'm talking about our children spreading their wings and leaving home.

Exciting and scary for them. Just plain scary for me.

Tomorrow morning Stephanie will graduate from high school. Then her class, teachers and parents will celebrate with a formal graduation dinner. It seems just yesterday that I was getting ready for my own graduation dinner. Steph has her dress (gorgeous, there will be photos), she is getting her hair and makeup done, she is very excited about the whole thing. As she should be.

On Monday Steph will begin harvest work with Viterra, a grain handling company. This is seasonal work that a lot of students take up as a pretty lucrative summer job. It's not any easy job by any stretch of the imagination, it's very physical and the conditions can be extremely hot, dusty and uncomfortable.

In January Steph will work 2 or 3 nights per week at a local hotel. The owner has agreed to train her and give her the experience she needs to hopefully gain part time work when she moves to Adelaide.

And then in February my baby leaves the nest. She will be so busy between now and then that I'm afraid I'll hardly see her. She has been accepted into a four year degree in Acupuncture, which she is very excited about. Next week she will find out if she has been successful in gaining a scholarship which will cover her first year's fees. So we are praying!

So while Stephanie buzzes about cleaning and packing up her room, throwing away clothes that no longer fit, sorting out what will or won't fit in her little unit, excitedly making lists, looking at bake ware, and generally getting prepared I'm left wondering what happened? Where did the time go?

Lord, I pray that as Stephanie gets prepared to leave home that I am able to support her in any way that she needs. I pray that I've taught her enough to live happily and safely. I pray that she will gain the scholarship she has applied for, and that she will be successful in her studies. Most of all I pray that she will look to you for guidance and love, and know that she is never alone when you live in her heart.

Broken and Beautiful

Good morning everyone! Yes! I am still alive if anyone was wondering (or if you are still here!)

Something happened this morning that I just had to share. I haven't had an "aha" moment like this in a while....

I was driving to work listening to my ipod (not in my ears, through the car stereo in case you are worrying about my safe driving habits!) and a beautiful song came on. Broken and Beautiful. I'm not sure who sings it but this morning it was written for me.

I really felt the Lord telling me to "come as you are" and ended up with tears streaming down my face (which isn't good for the makeup on the way to work!). Then the next song was "God doesn't make mistakes". Amazing. Just a little lesson for me on the way to work thanks to the greatest teacher EVER.

A quick update on life on the farm for those who are interested. Steph will graduate on Friday, and she will be presented with the Art Prize (although she doesn't know that yet). Today she has an interview at 3pm with Endeavour College as she has been short listed for a scholarship with them (so prayers would be appreciated!). Scott is on harvest leave at the moment to help his Dad with what looks like the biggest harvest we have EVER had (PRAISE THE LORD!!!). Scott ht two terms out of school as he was mixing with the wrong crowd and not thinking about consequences. Being home schooled has made me realise that he's a whole lot smarter than I thought he was. He will go back to school next term, hopefully a more mature boy and more able to cope with the pressure of his peers. We shall see.

Can't wait to spend some time catching up on your blogs to see what's happening!

Love and blessings
Sharon.

Can of Worms

I don't usually get political.

But at the moment I'm worried.

August 21st is election day. The election in Australia is pretty much a two horse race. And at the moment we get to choose from the bad and the very very bad.

In the blue corner we have our current PM (by default after she deposed the current PM a few weeks back) Julia Gillard. She is well spoken. Educated. Measured. And an atheist.

In the white corner we have Tony Abbott. Also educated. Not so well spoken. Bit of a loose cannon. Flys off the handle and says things he shouldn't. Wears those ridiculous swimming trunks in public. And is a committed Christian who openly opposes gay marriage, abortion and sex before marriage.

To me the choice is obvious. But I'm not so sure how the rest of the country will see it. If Julia Gillard is successful we will not only have our first ever woman Prime Minister, but we will also have our first non married, living in a de facto relationship, atheist Prime Minister.

The trouble is that Julia presents herself very well. She is well spoken, compassionate, and just comes across as a polished professional. Tony on the other hand looks as though he is constantly trying to hold himself back from saying something that will alienate half the country.

So pray for us here in Australia on August 21st. I'm not sure that Tony Abbott will lead the country well, but at least I can be sure that he will get help from above.

School Trouble

I am the secretary of the governing body of our school.

Sometimes this is a little awkward for me, as it calls for me to have a different working relationship with the principal than the relationship I have with him as a parent. Our parent/teacher relationship has been a little rocky, as I have often butted heads with him over the welfare of my children. Neither of my children really fit "the system" so I have found myself advocating for them more often than I would like.

Just this week Scott has been suspended, for something that I found pretty trivial, and strongly believe the school is reacting to the result rather than the cause of the problem. This bothers me a lot. So I have gone in to bat for him (again) and said my piece (again). I've always remained calm and polite during these encounters, I've never resorted to attacking the teachers or principal personally (although there have been times when I would have liked to) and I think this is the only way I've been able to balance my two roles as governing council secretay and parent.

I have to admit though, that this recent incident has me seething. And I'm all but ready to throw in the towel. Scott has spent the past few days at home, working from home and achieving much much more than he would have in a classroom. He is pretty bright, and he showed me today that he wants to succeed. He was actually enjoying trigonometry, he just needed to see that he can do it, and he needed someone to take the time to help him with it.

Our school seems to have a real problem with discipline at the moment. They are letting incidents slide and then completely over reacting over something minor.

I have little choice but to send him to this school. Which annoys me. The combination of a few teachers who just don't seem to care, a few (very) disruptive boys in Scott's class, and apathetic management isn't conducive to success. But there is no other school that doesn't require boarding, and that's just something we can not afford at the moment.

Scott confided to me today that he wants to be an airforce pilot when he grows up. But he doesn't dare dream it's a possibility because he's "too dumb". That's just heartbreaking.

Lord, please help Scott follow his dreams. Give him faith in his own ability and a willingless to learn despite the obstacles he sometimes faces. Help me to continue to encourage and help him and help him to become the man you made him to be.

Uncertainty

Hello there!

Life is showing no signs of slowing down for me at the moment which means that blogging will probably remain spasmodic...but I'm still here!

Last week we ventured off to Adelaide for Steph's interview at Endeavour College of Natural Health, where she hopes to study next year. We started with an open day on Sunday where we were able to look around, see classes in action and learn about all the different courses on offer. Then Steph spent some time with the senior lecturer for acupuncture, which she really enjoyed. Her interview on Monday morning was uneventful and non traumatic, with her being offered a place in her chosen course (Bachelor of Health Science (Acupuncture)). She was thrilled.

Then we went shopping in search of THE perfect graduation dress. This experience was much less traumatic and expensive than expected and we were patting ourselves on the back when by lunch time Steph had a place at uni, and a gorgeous dress (without us having to take a second mortgage!!).

We wandered out to West Lakes shopping centre for lunch, as it's nearby where Steph is hoping to live next year. We then had an appointment at 2pm to meet the owner of the student housing accommodation and to inspect the units there. It went really well, Andrea (the owner) was lovely, supportive and helpful. The units were small and basic but comfortable and clean, with everything she will need...and the best bit - she can walk to the beach! She can also walk to the train station and the street she will live on has all the shops she needs within walking distance. Also lots of part time job opportunities with cafes, restaurants and shops. So we put a security deposit on 2 units (as Steph's cousin is hoping to study in Adelaide next year also).

On the drive home Steph got a text from Renee (her cousin) telling her that she had been accepted into her course at Adelaide City Tafe...which is right next door to Endeavour College!!

It wasn't until we were on our way home that I spent some time thinking about all that we had achieved in a single day. Up until our trip to Adelaide I had been quite uncertain about Steph's study choices. She excells in the arts, is a great musician and all awards she has won have been for design. And she wants to study a science degree? It just didn't feel quite right with me, didn't seem as though she was looking to her strengths.

BUT. After everything just falling into place the way it did. I think God is telling me to step away and let HIM run the show! I mean how amazing that in the space of 4 hours we had secured a place at uni, a graduation dress, a place to live AND someone to live next door from home!

WOW.

How great is our God.

Lord, thankyou. I'm speechless. Just thankyou. Please continue to remind me that you are in control and that I don't need to worry. Help us with the transition when it happens next year. I'm pretty sure I'm really going to need your help when it comes time to say goodbye. Please watch over Steph and Renee now and forever. Amen.

Home vs Church

Some Sundays are a struggle for me. I have so much to do on my one day off (Saturday is committed to sport) that I get overwhelmed. Winter is the hardest. Not so many hours in the day I guess.

I have skipped church the past two Sundays. And I'm having a bit of a guilt trip about that. It's really hard to juggle work, family, housework and worship.

I am the kind of person who needs to start the working week fresh. By fresh I mean clean house, laundry up to date, baking done for the family lunch boxes for the coming week. Everything just feels all wrong if I can't start the week this way, and if I let myself get too far behind I am prone to feeling depressed and completely out of sorts.

So sometimes I skip church to catch up. And skipping church sometimes leaves me feeling out of sorts too.

And I'm not sure what I can do about it, it's a real struggle for me sometimes.

On a positive note I'm happy to report that I'm spending more time with my bible now than I ever have before. It started by just reading a few pages in the 10 minutes I had each day waiting for Steph. I'm really enjoying it, and get a bit cross when Steph is early!

Community

I may be over reacting but at the moment I feel as though our community is falling apart.

Recently we have dealt with (or are still dealing with) the loss of three young people due to car accidents. We are also dealing with a spate of theft and petty crime which is not something we are used to. People are having to lock their houses and cars and we have never had to do that. I don't even take my keys out of the ignition (if they aren't in the ignition I will lose them!). The thieves aren't locals, and have been arrested many times, but keep coming back. At least that's something I guess. It's not someone local stealing from their own community.

And last night there was another car accident. A friend of Stephanie's (6 months older than her) lost control of his car at 3am this morning. He totalled the car, clipped a wall and took out two light poles. Apparently the throttle stuck and when he hit the wall the airbag went off which knocked him out and that's how he ended up crashed into a light pole. I know it was an accident. But there is no denying that alcohol was a factor and I'm starting to think that our young people are just. not. listening. He is lucky to be alive. If not for that airbag he'd have been thrown on impact (no seatbelt).

I'm very sad to say that we are becoming very used to the sight and sound of sirens, which used to be a very rare occurance. The horrible horrible thing about sirens in a small town is that it is very likely that you will know the person involved.

Lord, please restore peace to our little town. Help the young people to learn from their and their friends mistakes. Stop the petty crime wave that seems to plaguing us at the moment and help us to be able to trust and feel safe in our community again.

The Impulsiveness of Youth!!

Yesterday Steph and her friend Maddy decided that today they would drive to Adelaide (6 hour drive) so that they can audition for X Factor (similar to Idol) tomorrow.

They tossed the idea around yesterday at lunch, and decided then and there that they were just going to go for it.

Ever practical Mum (that's me) pointed out that they are ridiculously under prepared. They need to have 4 songs rehearsed and ready. They said they could sort that out during the 6 hour car trip.

Their plan is to enter as a duet, but if they can't get their harmonies sorted on the way they would move to plan B and enter seperately. And that is as far as their planning has progressed.

Steph is under no illusion that they will get anywhere, but she assures me that they will look FABULOUS!

So please pray for these two gorgeous girls as they head off on their little adventure this afternoon, armed with CD's, chocolate, and their entire wardrobes! Also for their audition experience tomorrow. They are both talented singers, but have never embarked on anything like this before.

Lord, please watch over Steph and Maddy today as they drive to Adelaide. Keep them safe. Also please look out for them during their audition and help it to be a rewarding and positive experience for them.

Front and Centre

I have reached a point where I've managed to almost have God where he belongs, and that is front and centre in my life.

I'm not there yet, but the fact that I'm thinking about it has to be a good thing right?

It's been kind of forced on me. We've had some family situations which have forced me to fall on my knees. And on your knees is a pretty awesome place to be, which surprises me. I'm not good at submission. Not good at all.

What's amazing is that the issues aren't resolved - won't be for quite some time but I'm at peace. I know that God will put me where he wants me to be.

That's not to say that I don't have a plan. I have an idea of what I would like to happen, and what I think would be a good way to move forward. But I'm letting go. I didn't say I've completely let go...because I'm pretty stubborn...but I'm at peace with the idea that the future may not be according to my plan.

And that's a pretty big deal for me.

And it feels pretty good.

Future Plans

At the moment Steph is half way through year 12 (or her senior year). She has a plan for next year but I am still worried.

I guess that's my job to worry. Mother's perrogative.

Stephanie is very artistic. She does everything with an artistic flair. Last year she designed her own debutante gown, and this year she is designing and making a ballgown from recycled material for a competition (will post photos when it's complete). Her cupcakes are decorated beautifully and even packaged artistically. She is a natural when it comes to art and music.

And yet the career she has chosen has nothing to do with art or music. She has decided she wants to study a Bachelor or Health Science (Acupuncture). Excuse me? Science?

I worry that she has chosen this career because she doesn't think she is talented enough to pursue a career in the arts. She sees people who major in art and doesn't see herself as one of those "arty types". I worry that a 4 year degree is going to be a pretty tough ask when it's not something that you have a flair or passion for.

I worry about her living so far from home. I worry about supporting her financially and emotionally from afar. I worry about how I will cope with not having her here beside me and not being able to have lunch together on Thursday. I worry that she won't be able to find a job, or she won't like her living arrangements.

I worry that she won't pass, or that she will give up, or that she will hate it.

I worry and I worry and I worry and I worry.

Lord, please help me to stop all this worry. I pray that Stephanie is going where you want her to go, and that you are guiding her decisions, even if she doesn't know it. I pray that I can support her when she needs it, and that we will cope financially and emotionally next year when she leaves home. Please help me to hand her over to you. Help me to let go.

Cupcake Anyone?

At the moment my home has been over run with cupcakes.

You wouldn't think that would be a bad thing...

Stephanie is studying small business enterprises this year. In the second term all the students run their own small business. Stephanie chose to make and sell cupcakes, chocolates and biscuits (sorry, that would be cookies to those in the U.S.!). She's a great cook (no idea where that came from) and her business is turning out to be quite profitable.

It's also teaching her to adjust her plans and vary her product according to the market. So far she has learned that chocolates aren't very profitable and are quite fiddly to make, so she has increased their price and decreased their space in the advertising! Cupcakes and cookies however are easy to make in large quantities and have a healthy profit margin, so they feature very prominantly in her advertising!

She has not learned however to not be a perfectionist. Her cupcakes are decorated beautifully. Any cupcake that does not meet her standards is left at home for Mum to eat. Sigh. And even though they aren't as pretty as she wants them to be they still taste great!

This has been a fabulous course for her. It teaches students to manage time, money, customers and advertising and these are all valuable things for their future.

Of course the signature cupcake is her own recipe featuring our own honey. They are just walking out the door.

Leading Worship

I love it when it's my month to worship lead at church.

But so far this month has been a bit of a struggle.

Last week I lead a grieving congregation hours after we had heard of a tragedy that took a young man's life, that we all knew and loved. He was 22. That was pretty hard to do. But the service was already planned before I heard of Daniel's death so I didn't have to think about that. I just had to deliver, which I didn't do all that well, but I did the best I could.

This week I'm still pretty numb. It's Saturday afternoon and I haven't thought of a single song, verse or prayer for tomorrow's service. I wasn't so close to Daniel that I've been consumed with grief, but I know his parents well and I'm filled with a really heavy sense of sadness. It's hard to explain. I feel as though the joy has been sucked out of me.

And that makes leading worship pretty difficult. I am a joyous worship leader. I love singing for the joy of the Lord. *sigh*

So now I'm off to make myself find some songs. I have no plan like I normally do. I think I will just pray and ask the Lord to guide me, because without Him I don't think I'm up to it.

Lets hope that this week I can at least manage to speak in whole sentences.

Depression and Faith

I have suffered from depression in the past. I sought help in the form of medication and counseling and am one of the lucky ones to make a full recovery. I now know my warning signs and my limitations and I take care to monitor myself. If it happens again I hope that I know enough now to not let myself hit rock bottom before I seek help. Thats the plan anyway.

My daughter also suffers from depression. At the moment she is taking medication, which has taken 6 months to get right and she starts counselling next week. I'm very pleased to say that emotionally she is doing pretty well right now.

Yesterday she was told by someone she respects that her depression is pretty much her own fault. That she has the spirit of satan within her and she needs to go "cold turkey" and completely come off her medication and "let God heal you". This person obviously has no clue of the consequences of stopping anti depressants suddenly and without support.

Steph doesn't plan on taking this advice. But she now feels that she is a bad person, that she is being punished, and worst of all that she doesn't want anything to do with a God who punishes her like this. She wants to know what she did wrong.

One positive is that it has opened the lines of communication between us about faith and illness. I've spent a bit of time researching this morning to reassure Steph that God loves her, and that she isn't being punished but if anyone can help me out with some more info to back me up I'd really appreciate it.

Lord please let Steph know that you are with her and that you love her. Remind her to be kind to herself and help her recover from this illness.

My Community

The place where I live is small. A town on 1000 people which services the farmers surrounding it.

But last night was testimony to just how big the hearts are around here.

Our football club "A grade" team train twice per week. On Tuesday and Thursday. The rest of us not so committed types and the juniors train only on Thursday.

Last night was no ordinary A grade training. Our club put on a free meal and provided counsellors to help the lads work through the grief of losing one of their own. There were over 100 people there. Not just our A grade, but also our B grade, and many A grade players from other clubs came out to show their support. Daniel's parents were also there, as was his friend who was with him (but survived the accident) and his parents.

We may be rivals on the field but last night showed that we are one amazing community. Last night the healing process began. The boys were all able to get together and support one another and Daniel's family. And they were able to start to talk about it, and realise that it's ok and necessary to talk about it.

Lord, thankyou for this amazing, close and caring community that I live in. I pray that the people can heal and help each other during this time. I pray especially for Daniel's family and close friends as they come to terms with this huge loss. Comfort them Lord. Let them know you are there.

Catch up Time...

Hello there Bloggers.

I'm at a point now where I feel ready to enter Blogland again. Sorry my absence was unannounced! Nothing major had happened. I just needed some time away from the computer.

But now I'm back.

And sadly today I'm back with a heavy heart. Another young person has fallen victim to our road toll. One that I knew well, and have watched grow up from a cheeky young boy to a cheeky young man.

I can't help but think of his parents. What kind of nightmare would see you losing your 22 year old son on the eve of Mothers Day? I can't begin to imagine what they must be going through.

Our community will mourn and recover slowly, but will never forget Daniel.

This is the third fatality on our country roads in 12 months. It fills me with fear at the thought that I have one child driving on those same roads, and one about to start.

Lord, please be with Daniel's family at this difficult time. Let them feel your presence and draw comfort from the knowledge that you are there. Help us all to heal and recover from this tragedy. Please keep our children safe on these roads Lord. Help them to make wise and safe decisions regarding their road safety.

Light Bulb Moment

Something our speaker said on Sunday really struck a chord with me.

He read from Ezekiel 22:30. Standing in the gap.

And I had a light bulb moment. It dawned on me. God doesn't expect me to lead my family to him, or help him convert them (as if he needs any help). My job is to stand in the gap for them.

So that is what I shall do.

Didn't take me long to work that out. How lucky are we that we have a patient and loving God, who loves us no matter how many times we reject him, or disappoint him, or hurt him.

Lord, Thank you for loving me, and thank you for continually forgiving me when I fail. Please watch over my family. Thank you for loving them even though they may not be ready to accept your love yet.

Good News

Hello!

Yes... I am still here.

Thanks for your gentle prodding friends. I feel as though I'm finding some sort of balance in my life although it doesn't seem to be getting any less busy!

I went back to church last week and worship led for the first time without Melissa. It was ok. Actually it was better than ok. It was awesome to be back singing for the joy of the Lord. I actually had to stop singing during "Amazing Love" (Chris Tomlin's version) as I was getting a bit choked up. Luckily it's a really well known song so the congregation didn't need my singing to lead them. They do a fantastic job on their own.

There were a couple of "light bulb" moments for me during the service and the healing process has started. How lucky are we that our Lord waits patiently for us to come home every time we drift away?

In other news... I now have a stressed out student in her senior year of high school! At the moment she is a very focused and studious student. Praying that can continue. Steph is continuing with singing and guitar lessons this year and today had her first private sewing/pattern drafting/designing lesson. She loved it loved it loved it. So all is well in her world at the moment. (Thank you Lord.)

Scott is in his second year of high school which is traditionally the worst. The year where they try to figure out who they are, where they fit and how far they can push their luck. It's only February and so far Scott has been banned from the computer twice and had his phone confiscated for two weeks. Goes without saying he is pushing his luck! (Thank you Lord for granting me with patience to deal with this, please help me out with the right words to say and the right discipline when necessary.)

We are almost ready to harvest our first batch of honey! Yay! Steph has designed cute labels, I have ordered jars, and Kym will start extracting the honey when the jars arrive. All very exciting. I promise there will be photos.

So there you go... I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I just needed a gentle nudge from wonderful friends.

Love to you all and God Bless.
Sharon.

Drifting...

I know I've already posted today... but I've spent some time reading through the wonderful blogs on my sidebar and I feel prompted to come clean.

All is not well on my faith journey. All is not well with me.

I feel quite seperated from the Lord at the moment. I know how to fix this. But I don't do it. I haven't picked up my bible since early December. I haven't been to church since then either. I am dreading going to church this year. I don't really have any rational reason why, I just don't want to go.

We will be one family short this year. And that is playing on my mind. Melissa is our pianist (we have others, but Melissa is the main one) and I just don't want to worship lead without her. I have had some wonderful times practising with her, choosing songs, planning services.

Church will still be church. And God will still be there which I know in my head is the most important thing. But I still don't want to go.

Australia Day

I love a sunburnt country
A land of sweeping plains
Of rugged mountain ranges
Of droughts and flooding rains
I love her clear horizon
I love her jewel sea
Her beauty and her terror
The wide brown land for me.

That's an excerpt from Dorothea McKellar's "My Country". I have loved that poem from the moment I first read it as a child. It pretty much sums up how I feel about this great place we live in.

That's not to say that I don't want to experience other places of the world. I would love to travel one day, but finances are a bit of an issue there, so that dream may have to wait.

First of all there is plenty of this country that I am yet to see. Our ten year plan includes a trip around Australia (we will be taking Boris of course!) once the kids are settled after they finish school. It's something that I'm really starting to look forward to. There is so much on offer in this great big brown country and I can't wait to see it.

Happy Australia Day!

So this is what 40 looks like.

A bit frayed around the edges I'm afraid! Here am I all dressed up and ready for my 40th birthday party. The theme was Hawaiian, I don't generally get around wearing hibiscus flowers for the fun of it! The sash I'm wearing was a gift - it says "40 and naughty". Which I am not!! Much. Well not all the time anyway.

So.... 40. Well, I don't feel any different. Although on close scrutiny I look like I'm in need of a good nights sleep, and perhaps a face lift

I thought it might be fun to come up with 40 things I'd like to achieve in my 40th year.

1. SLOW DOWN. Take some time out to spend with myself and my Lord
2. Lose some weight. Don't want to be "fat and forty"
3. Commit to prayer time every day
4. Start working on my (dead) garden.
5. Read a good book
6. Take the kids to the movies
7. Take a break with my wonderful husband (a good year to do that, 20th wedding anniversary in April)
8. Stop working so much overtime.
9. Quit netball - for good this time.
10. Help Steph with her studies and her time management.
11. Help me with my time management!
12. Ask for a payrise.
13. Pray daily
14. Finish a jigsaw puzzle
15. Have a facial
16. Learn to quilt (might need your help Joanie!!)
17. Pay off that darn credit card
18. Stop using that darn credit card
19. Buy some new shoes - not sensible ones!
20. Be happy with my lot in life....

Ok, maybe 40 was a bit ambitious.

Happiness is offering who you are to the world and knowing it's enough....

Have a fabulous year everyone, whether it's your 40th, 80th, or 1st.

Moving On

I have just returned home from a farewell party for some very dear friends of mine.

It was pretty low key and relaxed and I was quite proud of myself for keeping the waterworks in check.

I'm a bit surprised with how I have reacted to the impending move of a family that I consider to be amoung my very best friends.

I've been angry at them, happy for them, sad for them, jealous of them and then back to angry at them. I'm happy that things seem to be falling into place for them after a time of uncertainty. Sad that their move has been forced upon them by a combination of drought, economic downturn and sad that we are losing another farming family from our community. Jealous that I don't get to go too. I've often dreamt of a sea change, or a tree change, or just a change. And I'm more than a little angry that they are leaving me. I mean how dare they.

It's not the end of the world. They aren't leaving the country, not even leaving the state. They will be about 5 hours drive away, which is a pretty long way to call in for a cuppa, but still within reach.

All in all the farewell went well. It was a lovely, relaxed get together where we all had the opportunity to show that we love them and value them. I held it all together until it was time to go. They leave very soon, and not knowing if I would catch up with Craig again (I will have numerous coffee's with Melissa) before they leave I made a point of saying goodbye. He hugged me and told me he loved me (I replied, yeah, well I hate you) and he said he knows, and he's sorry, but it's not like we'll never see each other again. And he's right. We will see them again. But it won't be the same. They won't be just down the road.

It's not fair.

I know this is a new and exciting chapter in their lives. They will be fine. We will be fine.

But it's still not fair.

Lord, please be with Craig and Melissa and their children as they make the final preparations for their move. Please watch over their decisions and help them work together to help and support one another. Keep them in our hearts and minds as they make this huge change in their lives. Most of all be with them and let them feel your love and keep them safe.

Attitude Adjustment

I think I've come up with my new years resolution.... a little late I know, but being on time isn't my new years resolution!

I've decided to try really hard (with the Lords help of course) to change my attitude toward life. I've had a bit of a "poor me" thing happening of late. And this three weeks off has done wonders toward giving me a little more perspective.

I am incredibly blessed to have a good job which pays well, a loving healthy family both at home and at church and most importantly a God who loves me.

So I'm going to try to be a bit more thankful.

If any of you catch me complaining again feel free to let me know I'm doing it!

2010 is the year for counting my blessings.

Appreciation

To celebrate New Years this year we went camping with my parents, my brother and his family at a beach not far from home.

New Years day began with coffee and bacon and eggs and then we all went for a walk on the beach. To our surprise and delight we saw some seals frolicking in the water. They were really fast and showing off, jumping out of the water like dolphins and popping up to check we were watching. They were a bit fast to get a photo of, which was a little disappointing, until we rounded a point and found these two lying about on the beach.

They paid no attention to us whatsoever. Just looked at as and went back to sleep. As you can see below Kym was able to get pretty close.

How amazing is it that we were able to witness the beauty of God's creation in the wild like this. It really makes me appreciate that I live in a pretty amazing, unspoilt place.

We spent most of the morning just watching the seals at play, then headed back to our campsite. The afternoon was for beach cricket. Scott loves beach cricket. I was happy to sit in my chair and read (and got sunburnt!).


All in all it was a lovely relaxing day spent with family. Perfect way to see in the New Year.

Happy New Year everyone!!! May your lives be filled with God's blessings.