It has really hit me in the past few days just how much influence I have over my children, and what a huge responsibility it is to give them the right advice at the right time.
I have to admit that at the moment I'm not really feeling up to the task. Pink is looking to me for advice on how to handle the breakup with her boyfriend. I have no clue. I married my first boyfriend, I have no life experience in this area whatsoever. She is very vulnerable at the moment, and what advice I have offered her she has taken on board, which brings me to the point of how much advice do I give her? I'm advising her to do what I want her to do. I have an agenda here. I want what I believe is best for her, but I'm wondering if what I want for her is what is best for her? Or am I just trying to make sure she avoids making the same choices I did?
Don't get me wrong. I love my husband, my family, and for the most part, my life. But at Pinks age I decided not to go away to school, then not to go to university and not to pursue my career of choice because I wanted to stay here with my boyfriend. Luckily for me it all worked out well, but I still have regrets. I want her to avoid those regrets and "what if's" I want her to get out there and experience life and explore her talents.
So you can see, I'm a bit biased. Her boyfriend (in my opinion) was holding her back. He had already advised her against going away to school next year. He plans to stay here once he leaves school and get an apprenticeship. I want so much more for her (or me maybe?).
Dear Lord, please help me to give Pink the right advice that is right for her life and her situation. Help me to not let my past experiences and regrets cloud my judgement and offer her helpful words that are purely for her own good.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Parenting Issues
Posted by HisPrincess at 4:47 PM
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7 valued opinions!:
Wow. I have just yesterday had a conversation on the other side of that coin with my Mother wanting for me what she didn't get. Even now at 27 she is still trying to mold me to be her ideal her. Not that I think thats what your doing. I pray you get the help you need to work through this.
And thanks for dropping by, will post tonight so you can see how I am (not) going. Made me feel important to have someone check up on me. :-)
Thanks for visiting me over at The Point. I guess I see two ways that Pink will understand that God is always the one to go to--the Rock that I higher than I.
First she can see Him making a difference in your life when you go to Him in your hurt and your pain. That is huge, especially for someone else who is hurting. That influence is also not something that will happen overnight. It is a process.
Second, she may just have to find out the hard way, like so many of us did, that He is the only way. In my message entitled Trusting God's Heart that I give to ladies' groups, I talk about how we trust God will something small---and find Him faithful. Then the next time there is an issue that is a little bit larger, we trust Him and find Him faithful. That gives us confidence to trust Him with something even larger the next time. Make sense?
Perhaps you and she can do a scripture search for the word faithful as it is applied to God??
Wish I could be more help! Sometimes God allows things like this breakup to happen for our good but sometimes it also takes a LOOONNNNGGG time to realize that it is for our good.
Have a great weekend.
Leah
Sharon ~
How I can SO relate to what you're going through! I, too, married my first 'real' boyfriend and while we have a pretty good life, family, etc - I have regrets that I live with daily myself... I want something different, better, God-directed for each of our children. I feel your agony over what advice to give, is it you or is it really God speaking through you. Tough one, my friend, and I'm right there with you!
I tell our young people that I don't have all the answers, I can't make their pain go away (I would take it if I could). I tell them I'm there to support them and listen; to pray and share what I believe God is laying on my heart ~ but I don't have all the answers...
Our children have read "I kissed dating goodbye" and "When God writes your love story" - trying to give them a different perspective regarding relationships and that as they walk the path God lays before them, He will take care of bringing the chosen person into their life and there will be blessing, joy and an expanding of our family with that person drawn in. (We've seen that with Benjamin's girlfriend and her family - though not everything is always great and 'peachy' in their relationship.)
Keep praying. I wanted Elizabeth to go off to university, to be successful and not have regret. (I've shared my own story with our children numerous times.) At the same time, I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to make Himself known to her and to guide her path. We have encouraged our children to work for one year following graduation from high school - a time to step back and let God really direct their path. For our son, it was an amazing time and God made the way known. Elizabeth is still seeking and not certain of the way to go. We continue to pray. She really wants to be a mom. And that is a wonderful life choice too. We've told our young people that if a relationship is true, it can handle separation, difficulties and any 'test' that God brings to it. May God reveal to Pink His plans and may she be receptive to hear His voice!
I will be praying for you too. I never realized HOW MUCH we have in common. God really blessed my life when He brought you into it! May He give you peace, comfort and just the right words to share ~ even if I love you Pink and I don't have the answers, but I'm available to listen anytime and I'd love to pray with you. I'm also praying for you throughout each day. I'm believing God will reveal His path and His plans for your life to you... He is good and His love endures forever!
Thanks for sharing, my friend!
Amy, thanks for dropping by. I'm really trying hard to not enforce my ideals onto Pink, but let her choose her own path. It's so hard to let her do that though, when I can see the consequences unfolding. I don't think I'm trying to mold her into an ideal me. She is so different from me that that wouldn't be possible. She is her father's daughter, and that in itself should be a comfort to me. He has never compromised his beliefs or goals for someone else.
Leah, it's really tough to even bring up the Lord with Pink without her rolling her eyes at me. I'm afraid of pushing it too hard and having her turn away completely. I have a terrible sneaking suspicion that she is going to have to learn the hard way.
Joanie, as I said to Leah, I don't think Pink is spiritually mature enough to even consider turning to the Lord in her pain. She knows He is there, but doesn't have a close relationship with Him, so doesn't feel comfort from Him. It's too hard for her to grasp that she can gain comfort and healing from something she can't see.
Thankyou all for your lovely thoughts and prayers. I will keep you posted as to how she is doing.
His Princess - off topic here, but I just wanted to tell you your post on my candy blog made me laugh OUT LOUD. I mean I burst out laughing. Thanks for the post, and everytime I think of the snickers bar I just smile.
You hang in there with Pink. It's unchartered waters, and I only have little girls, so I can't offer any advice except pray and trust God. Thinking of you.
Thanks Kelly.
I'm glad I made you smile. It is really how I feel at the moment with regard to the snickers!
Oh, I feel for you. This parenting thing is difficult, isn't it? I remember distinctly when the Lord showed me that I was putting a boyfriend ahead of Him ... not good! But who's to say? Just pray for wisdom and have her do the same.
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