Or perhaps I could pay someone to take her away! Just kidding. I think.
On Saturday night we had our very first teenage drama. And what a drama it was. I'm thinking miss Pink has missed her calling. I think I will call her Her Majesty because she showed what a true drama queen she really is.
I am the WORST parent in the world. It's official. I didn't think it was acceptable for my teenage daughter to go out to a party at 11pm on Saturday night, sleep "somewhere, I dunno", and then come home in the morning. Highly unreasonable of me don't you think? Especially since everyone else was doing it. Right. That makes a huge difference. I didn't use the jumping off a cliff analogy, didn't think of it at the time, I was too busy losing my cool and having a good old rant. Sigh. We were having such a good run. She was pleasant, reasonable, brought home two A's this term (she did bring that up, thought that getting two A's gave her license to do whatever she likes).
Of course this all comes along at a time when I was just starting to relax. Thinking the worst is over, I've raised a reasonable, responsible and even likeable daughter. My bubble is officially burst.
Lord, please help me to communicate with my daughter, help her to understand that I do this out of love, help me find the right words to tell her that. I pray that she can navigate the teenage years with her self esteem and integrity in tact. I pray that we can both learn to communicate with each other, and understand where each one is coming from. Help me stay calm and find the right words when I speak to her Lord.
Monday, April 14, 2008
It's time to sell the teenager!
Posted by HisPrincess at 10:39 AM
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9 valued opinions!:
Sharon ~
Got your e-mail, but I need to spend time with the Lord before answering. We're having a very similar problem here with our precious daughter!
The Lord has given me strong indication that this is a spiritual battle! I stepped out in faith - with you and regarding an area at our church that I felt God wanted me to speak about - and now ALL this. Very interesting...
It's actually a good sign, as the enemy is not happy about our 'actions and prayers of late'. Hold fast to His hope and keep praying!
I'll let you know what the Lord shares with me (and hope He doesn't take too long to do so). If He gives you a word or insight ~ please send it my way!
Great perspective Joanie,
I hadn't thought about it like that at all.
Keep praying!
Still praying...
The Lord is faithful and shared this with me this evening ~
"...in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33
"I trust in You, O Lord... My times are in Your hands." Psalm 31:14-15
Still battling here. Remember ~ not by might, not by power, BUT by the SPIRIT of God we are victorious!
I'm off to bed now, but will be in touch tomorrow. Rest in His peace and promises. He is my all-in-all ~ Joanie
I understand. I really do.
Two teenage daughters (16 and 18) and there are so many things we've never encountered before!
When they were toddlers I thought my whole life would get easier once they were all potty trained and out of car seats. Then I met some parents who'd lived through teenagers. They scared me and I blew them off. They said you needed MORE emotional, physical and spiritual stamina to raise teenagers - that it was absolutely the hardest part of raising kids, and I might want get lots of extra sleep, take vitamins and exercise regularly if I wanted to be effective (not to mention praying your brains out!)
I thought they were crazy, but they were right. This has been the most demanding season of my life. So hang in there. You're not alone.
Remember: she can hate you for a while. That's ok. It's not your job to be liked. It's your job to lover her enough to do right things right. Sometimes - often times, the "right" thing is not the "popular" thing. Hang in there!
Thanks Madison.
I've had a phone call from her today so she is talking to me again! I feel as though I'm treading a bit of a tightrope. She has always been open and honest with me and I don't want to discourage that or force her to go behind my back. It's like when she was little and would tell me the truth about cutting my curtains, how do you reward the honesty and still punish the crime? It's all a bit of a balancing act.
Your comment that its ok for her to hate me got me thinking. Thats the part that I really struggle with. We have always been close, and it's hard to step back and be the bad guy. My husband is the bad guy! I'm the peace maker, I don't like switching roles!
Help!
Sharon,
You can't be the worse mom as I won that title weeks ago!
I think many of us are going through the same thing with our teens.
One thing that has helped sometimes in the past is to talk to her about if her sister was the one wanting to go, would she say yes? Sometimes it helps, Sometimes not.
I will be praying for you, because I know exactly how you feel!
Jen
This idea of loving the sinner and hating the sin applies very much to parenting. Our love for them never ever changes, even when they make bad choices. They must always know that we love THEM, even if we're not happy with the choices they're making at the moment. It's what God does for us, right?
It's the same for them (needing to love "us" even when they're not happy with the way we're dealing with a particular situation) but in their immaturity they aren't always able to separate the two. It's a process. That's what I mean by she may "hate" you for a while. She won't really, of course, but she might be hostile and say things she ultimately doesn't mean. Don't let it frazzle you. Stay the course and try not to take it personally.
Like toddlers, teens search for the boundary lines and then push on them continually as they are being "birthed" into their adult roles. The letting go is gradual, but reciprocal.
We like to talk to our kids about the letting go process, about trust and how they have to show us that they can handle the new boundaries that they're asking for, because abusing them will result in the opposite of what they want. Then we talk about what kinds of things will show us they're ready for an increase in trust and an extension of their boundaries, so they have an understanding of what they're shooting for.
Sorry so long-winded!!
Thankyou everyone for your wonderful comments.
Jenny, I think we should have an award for the worlds worst Mum as voted by our teenagers!
Madison, your comment wasn't too long winded, be as long winded as you like! Thankyou for your encouragement. It is much appreciated.
Teenagers...so unpredictable. At what point do they wake up & become these ungrateful creatures? I give up tryin to figure them out. I have 2 in my house right now & a 6 yr old who thinks she's a teen. Oh boy. ;)
Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog awhile ago regarding my teen daughter who WAS pregnant...she had her last Wednesday! :)
Could you please email me when you have a minute...would love to talk back about your comment but in a private forum. chealey5@windstream.net
Thanks!
Lelia
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