Forgiveness

I have always had an issue with forgiveness. I freely forgive others, it is myself who I feel is unworthy at times.

I have improved in this area with the help of a lovely Christian counselor, and some wonderful friends, but I can feel myself slipping again. I don't know why I find it so hard to accept grace. It's a big hurdle for me. I try to be a good Christian, but I can't be perfect, and therefore I feel I am unworthy of being a child of God. I worry constantly that I am too evil to go to heaven.

Father, all the fancy words in the world expressed in eloquent prose, decorated with emotion, spoken with conviction cannot compete with a heartfelt "sorry", when all other words fail. There are times when I am all too aware of my limitations, conscious of sin and the distance it creates between us. Sometimes "sorry" is all my heart can bear to say aloud. It is only You who can read and understand the language of my heart. Only You who can translate my "sorry" into the prayer I would have prayed if I had the words within me. Then you forgive, and having forgiven surround me in your embrace of love, drawing me close to your heart as it was always meant to be. Thankyou, loving Father that you listen to my heart as well as my voice. Help me to understand and accept what it truly means to be saved by grace.

I have to go to the dentist :(

I really don't like going to dentist. REALLY don't like it. I have to go on Monday. I have a tooth which used to have a really expensive porcelain crown, the crown fell out (while eating a chewy candy, oops) and I put it safely in a little plastic bag in my handbag, thinking it might just be a matter of sticking it back in.

I then went back to my dentist who said yes indeed, it was just a matter of sticking it back in so bring your crown in and we will sort it out. Too easy.

I went to my handbag, no little plastic bag. Uh oh. I remembered that while I was in Perth last year (yes, last year, it takes me a looong time to get around to going to the dentist) I bought myself a nice new handbag, and because I was flying and didn't want any excess baggage I threw my old handbag away. And guess what was still in that handbag? My tiny little $1000 piece of porcelain.

So, now I have to have the tooth rebuilt because the bit that was holding the porcelain in place has since fallen out too. The dentist mentioned posts and roots at which point I stopped listening out of self defence. There are some things you just don't need to know. The appointment is for 90 minutes. Anything that is going to take that long can't be good.

On Monday at 1.45pm South Australian time I would really appreciate your prayers, and then for the next hour and a half! EEEEEEK!!!!!

Dear Lord,
I pray that my trip to the dentist will be successful and as untraumatic as possible. You know what a sook I am so please keep that in mind while I am being injected and drilled! Please help me be calm and not get too stressed out leading up to the appointment.

Easter Blessings

We were blessed with a wonderful Easter, camping, laughing and just spending time with family and friends.

We have been home for a couple of hours which I have spent unpacking and washing (yay!). So now I'm sitting down with a dinner of left over toasted hot cross buns.

Easter was spent on the West Coast of Eyre Peninsula. We live on the East coast of the peninsula and have lovely white sandy sheltered beaches. The West Coast is made up of imposing cliffs, spectacular waves with the odd protected inlet. We camped at Venus Bay, which is a lovely little town on one of the protected inlets. We took the boat so the Fisherman could fish, and the kids could ski, wakeboard and tube. They had a fabulous time, although found the water much colder than our side of the coast due to it being open ocean, we are on the inside of a reasonably shallow gulf which changes the water temperature a little.

We visited a place called Talia Caves which is very beautiful, but a bit scary for me. I was taken by a freak wave inside the cave at Talia when I was 12 and going back in there made me feel a little uncomfortable! It was a very calm day, though, so I wasn't as nervous as I would have been if there had been big waves pounding in. Luckily for me a family friend was tall enough to be able to hold on to the roof of the cave so as not to be washed away himself, and he managed to pluck me out of the wave as I started to wash past him.

Here are some photo's of the spectacular coast line and the awe inspiring waves. I'm really fascinated with waves and can spend hours just watching them....from a very safe distance!



As you can see it was a calm and clear day so the waves aren't showing off their awesome power!

But trust me, they get really big!




We also visited a sea lion colony where we watched the sea lions do their thing (which was lay about on the rocks and sleep mostly!). The young one's were adorable, they would roll around in the rock pools having a merry old time.



Here is a photo of the view outside our camper. The bay at Venus Bay is so protected you wouldn't even know that the Great Australian Bite is just metres away. Very serene and calm place.




So now we are tired, but happy. It will be lovely to sleep in my own bed, but I will miss the sound of the ocean outside my window.


Dear Lord, thankyou that I was able to have a wonderful time this Easter. Thank you for the period of rest and refreshment, and the opportunity to witness the wonder of your creation. I pray that I can go forward now with renewed purpose, to live according to your will, and to listen to your commands.

Catch up

Hello!

I'm just sitting down for five minutes (ok, maybe 10!) while I have dinner in the oven. I'm leaving in half an hour for a meeting at the school. I should be cleaning my poor neglected house, but hey! I have priorities!

Pink really enjoyed her lesson. She said in the car on the way home that she isn't sure she wants to continue which surprised me a bit. She went on to say that she doesn't want to turn something that she finds fun into a chore by getting all serious about it. Which is fair. I've left it up to her to make the decision. She has time, I don't mind either way.

I have had some interesting developments at work this week. My boss asked me to consider changing roles. His father (my other boss) is retiring later in the year and Mark wanted to know if I'd be interested in being his personal assistant. I jumped at it of course, I'm hoping it's just the change I've been looking for. So it will be interesting in future months to see just what this entails. DH asked if it included a pay rise, I didn't even think to ask!

I'm looking forward to Easter where I'm hoping to spend some time just reading and reflecting. We are going to a beach on the other side of the Peninsula and camping with some family friends. We go away with them every year and it's always a great time together.

Dear Lord, I pray that I can get everything I need done this week and that Easter can be a time of rest and reflection for me. I thank you that Pink continues to enjoy school and that Robbie continues to enjoy his sport.

On the road...

Tomorrow Pink and I are setting off for Adelaide at a very unsociable hour of the morning.

Since Adelaide and South Australia are in the middle of longest heatwave ever I'm thinking we will get going early and try to avoid being on the road in the heat of the day. We have to pass through Whyalla and Port Augusta where the forecast is in excess of 40 degrees with a hot north wind. Thank goodness for air conditioned cars!

Also Pink wants to get to Adelaide with plenty of shopping time up her sleeve. It's a five and a half hour drive so getting going early is a good idea. Although I can't imagine shopping will be much fun, we will head to one of the big enclosed air conditioned shopping malls!

Pink has her first singing lesson at 6.30pm tomorrow and then another one on Saturday at 11am after which we will head home. I'm excited to hear what a professional has to say about her singing. I think she is wonderful but I'm thinking I might just be a little biased! The first lesson will be about seeing where she is at and what level they will start her from, the second will be a proper lesson. She is a bit nervous. She's starting to doubt herself (as you do) and wonder if she really is any good. I hope the teacher is encouraging and positive.

I'm quite looking forward to spending time alone with Pink. We have ten hours driving to do so we should be able to cover lots of topics!

Lord, I pray that Pink and I can get to Adelaide safely tomorrow without any problems. I pray that she enjoys her lessons and learns from her teacher and that we can enjoy this time together.

The Future

Pink is in the process of seriously considering what it is that she wants to do with herself when she graduates high school. It's two years away yet but she is giving it some serious thought.

She has surprised me quite a bit. The careers she has shown an interest in are completely new to me which makes me wonder how well I really do know her! When she was struggling at school and calling herself dumb everyday (thank the Lord that phase is over!) she decided she would be a hairdresser or beautician. Then she started doing well at school, and thinking to herself "hey, maybe I could aim a bit higher". Not that there is anything wrong with hairdressing or being a beautician! Now she is thinking Naturopath or Massage Therapist or both. And coming a close second is (wait for it!) Social Worker! Now those of you who know Miss Pink would know that sympathy isn't one of her strong points. My ever wise and long suffering friend Liz tells me that sympathy isn't necessarily a good trait in a social worker. What I'm really amazed about is that the child who chose a career based on the least amount of study is now looking at studying applied or social science!

She has organised to do some work experience with a Naturopath later in the year and I will be very interested to see what she thinks of it.

Meanwhile, I shall try to pick my jaw up off the floor and be supportive. What happened to singing I hear you say? Well, she has decided that if that happens all well and good but it's hardly a realistic career to pursue, and she isn't sure she wants to be involved in an industry which centres so much and judges you on your outward self. Yes. My jaw is still on the floor after that one too.

Parenting, its just one surprise after another!

Melting!

This is all getting a bit much. Don't get me wrong. I love summer, it's my favourite time of year but heat waves are something else. It's nice to have a few hot days here and there but the forecast for us is for another full week of heatwave.

And to add insult to injury today the power went out! So that was enough for us. We packed up and headed to the beach. Had a great swim and enjoyed body surfing and jumping about in the waves. I got 'dumped' a couple of times and have a bit of a headache now, but most importantly I've cooled off and I'm in a slightly less grumpy frame of mind! We all go a little stir crazy when we all have to live together inside because it's too hot to go out. Ok. I admit that it's ME who goes more than a little stir crazy. A trip to the beach did wonders to restore harmony in the home!

It was a public holiday here in SA today and I have to say with the way the week is shaping up I will be glad to be at work! We have much more efficient air conditioning there than at home.

I do feel for DH and the shearers though. Shearing will go ahead this week as we can't put it off too long or they will start lambing. Shearing is hot and hard work at the best of times without adding a heatwave to the mix! So DH will be coming home every night exhausted, hot and grumpy which is something we all look forward to!

Dear Lord, I pray for some relief from the heat this week as we start shearing. I pray for the shearers, and all the workers in the shed that they can endure the heat without too much discomfort.

Beach Sports Day

Today Robbie had his last beach sports day. He goes to a very small primary school (19 students) and is in year 7 so next year it's off to high school. Each year all the small schools in our area (there are 4 of them) get together for a fun beach sports day. The day is about everyone just getting together, mixing with their peers and participating.

Today was a glorious day at the beach for Robbie's last beach sports day. He had a fabulous time with the old fashioned sack race, egg and spoon and sprints along the beach. It was bittersweet day for us. I'm worried about sending him to a big high school. The kids in the small schools are all so lovely. They lead a pretty protected and sheltered life in their schools and are taught to get along and interact with all age groups. My Robbie is such a sweet kid and I worry about how he will cope in a big school. He has a kind heart, and still has an innocence about him that his mum isn't ready to see him grow out of!

Anyway. Here are some pictures of our fabulous day. As you can see we are blessed with a beautiful white sandy beach nearby and weather today was magnificent.




Here is Robbie lined up to begin the sack race. He is third from the left in the blue shirt.

And here he is filling up the container for the fill the bucket with water relay. Don't think that's the proper name but all the kids had to run into the ocean, fill a small container with water and then carry it to the large bucket. The team who fills their big bucket first wins.


Thankyou Lord for the wonderful family day we had today. It was great to share the day with other school families and their children.

Bible Reading

Last night for possibly (can't remember) the first time in my life I read a whole chapter of the bible, from start to finish. Twice!

I took Lightening's advice and started with 1 Corinthians. I read it through from start to finish and then I read it again, writing down passages that jumped out at me along the way. I stole this idea from Joanie! So thanks everyone!

I'm looking forward to spending time with the Lord in my bible every day. It's something that I've thought I should be doing for quite a long time, something has always stopped me from doing more than thinking about it. I'm hoping that I can become more focused on my faith and learn to really live according to the Lord's will. I realise I can't do this to perfection, but I'm excited about trying!

I have found this blogging business to be not only addictive but so rewarding, refreshing and educational! Who would have thought!

Farm Stuff

Ok, I'm going to get all farmers wifey on you now.

We are about to enter into a seeding program (assuming it rains) in very uncertain times. While the wheat prices are doing wonderful things there is still that little detail of actually coming up with a crop. Its pretty scary. For many of us in our area this year is real make or break stuff. We have managed to live off savings for the past three years but another bad year could really cripple us. I don't want to sound all doom and gloom but thats pretty much the way it is.

So what's the plan. I guess the best plan is to trust that the Lord will look after us. Also to accept that the Lords plan for us may not include being farmers. Thats not so difficult for me to accept but DH is doing his dream job, he can't (or won't) imagine doing anything else. I worry about how having to leave the farm that he has worked all his life will affect (effect? I never get that right!) him. He doesn't have the same faith to rely on that I do. How do you cope with change and adversity without the Lord to guide you? Not very well I imagine.

I guess the bottom line is that I am worrying about something that may not happen. Which is something that I excell at. It's time to hand it over to the Lord and try not to worry about.

Lord, please hold us all in your hand this year as we go forth into the unknown. If farming isn't where we are meant to be then please make the transition as smooth as possible. Please open my husbands heart so that he can leave all his fears and worries with you. Amen.

Living in the Word

A dear friend pointed out the obvious to me this week. I was marvelling at how good I've been feeling, and how positive I was feeling about life. She commented that when you seek the Lord as I have been lately and you live in the word, then you tend to focus on the positives. Blogging about my blessings has certainly done this for me, and I highly recommend it!

It's made me think though. I'm not really living in the word because even though I talk to the Lord a lot, pray for myself and my friends and count my blessings I'm still not really reading the word. I'm just not sure where to start. I have attended various bible studies over the years and enjoyed them and I hate to admit that these are probably the only times when I have really read the bible. When I am worship leading I look up various readings on this and that but I'm not in the habit of turning to the bible when I'm looking for something to read. I have read books about the bible and interpreting the bible which I admit is a little backward. I have read many books by the likes of Max Lucado and CS Lewis. I love to read. Reading is one of my favourite passtimes so what is stopping me from sitting down and reading the most important book of all? It's a bit overwhelming, and I'm not entirely sure how to go about it which seems a bit silly. I have on occasion just picked it up and started from the beginning but I rarely get past Genesis. If anyone has an easier way then I'd love to hear from you!

Chocolate

I have sitting in front of me here at work two great big boxes filled with chocolate bars and bags of mini easter eggs. I'm trying hard to resist but they are talking to me. I kid you not! I can hear them! It doesn't help that I skipped breakfast this morning.

That ticker which I have placed on my blog haunts me everytime I log on. If I was honest I would have moved it by now but that would mean moving it in the WRONG direction! I'm hoping I can lose that kilo and then move down from there. I've been hoping that for a few weeks now.

I loathe and detest the fact that my weight is always at the back of my mind. I have no excuses. I'm just being lazy and not getting out there and exercising. I need a kick up the bum. But I just can't seem to find the motivation I need. Its silly, I know that I am in control of what I put in my mouth but comfort eating has become such an ingrained habit that the chocolate is in my mouth before any thought process (that I'm aware of) has even occured. I have even eaten chocolate, felt worse and then for some inexplicable reason eaten more chocolate becasue I think "maybe one more will help". Sometimes I think I am beyond help. Maybe I could get my jaw wired shut.

Look what what we made!

Our very own tomato sauce from our very own home grown tomatoes! Ok. I'll be honest. I made the labels, and helped bottle them. Fisherman actually grew the tomatoes, chopped them, cooked them for five hours. I stirred it occasionally! We (ok, he) made nearly 11 litres of tomato sauce. I do love home made tomato sauce. We have already tested it out at dinner time, very tasty!

There is something really satisfying about making something from your own produce, I'm not sure what it is but it feels really good. How lucky am I to have a husband who can garden and cook? Pretty lucky I'm thinking. Well, I suppose he gardens all the time if you can call farming gardening!

I may not have helped with the growing or the cooking (much) or even cleaning up afterwards, but I made some awesome labels! Everyone has their talents!

Smiley Saturday

I have heaps to smile about this week, I've had a great week.

My mum told me she is proud of me, for the first time ever yesterday. Still smiling about that!

My Grandad suffered a minor stroke but has had no loss of function and has already recovered enough to play bowls and complain about the heat! I am smiling at the thought of it! He is one of those gruff old men with a heart as soft as a marshmallow. I smile everytime I think of my Grandad. A lovable old rogue!

Pink is STILL happy at school! I feel I need to pinch myself! We have had another good week at school where she is being co-operative, and achieving great results. I am so proud of the effort she is making and the change in her attitude......and yes, I have told her that!

Joanie has a surprise for me. But that's all she has told me, I do love surprises.

I could go on and on....but I'm afraid that the sickening chirpyness of my post will have you all running off in search of a bucket! Sorry! But I just can't stop smiling! What a week, and what an amazing answer to prayer!