The sermon at church this week got me thinking...which is what is supposed to happen, just doesn't always!
Our speaker talked about being surrounded by our church family, and how it is our duty to encourage, uplift and sometimes lovingly correct each other.
In the past week or so I have been grappling with whether or not I should speak to Stephanie about her attitude.
She is quite negative at the moment. Stuff is changing in her life and she doesn't like it. One of her best friends (Trent, who was her partner in the recent Debutante Ball) has found an apprenticeship and is leaving school. Another friend has an operation on her back coming in July and won't be at school for the rest of the year (she is having her spine fused, scoliosis). Another has moved to Queensland. Still more will go away to Adelaide next year.
The way Stephanie is coping (or not coping) with this is with extreme negativity. She constantly finds fault with her team members at netball, she is difficult to get along with at home, she twists everything you say to her into something negative.
I want to her to speak life. I want to tell her that if what she has to say isn't uplifting or encouraging then please don't say it. I want her to understand how ugly she sounds. How her harsh words and tone of voice make her really hard to be around sometimes.
I have tried a couple of times to broach this subject. And so far I have failed to get the message across. I'm struggling to find the right words at the right time and praying that something I say will sink in.
Lord, please help me find the right words and the right moment to speak to Stephanie. Please help Stephanie cope with the changes happening around her and let her look toward her future with anticipation instead of fear. Most of all, open her heart to You, because that is the answer to everything.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Loving Discipline
Posted by HisPrincess at 3:01 PM
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7 valued opinions!:
Hmmm, as difficult as it may be, I think it is your job as her parent--the one who loves her more than anyone else--to speak to her regarding her attitude. I believe that is one of the reasons God puts our loved ones in our lives. We know they love us and even though we may not like what they say, deep down we know they say it for our good.
So often my husband has spoken to me about my attitude or actions and although I did't like it at the time, I still considered it in the quietness of my own heart. Most often I knew he was right and when I got over the hurt of being called on the carpet, I made the change that needed to be made.
This is a tough one but I know the Lord will guide you in His way.
Leah
change is so hard
and it hurts
and lots of time that hurt comes out in anger.
As you said,to get the ball rolling, maybe write her a letter (a chance to ponder; be specific, and she can't interrupt or walk out the door)
Her perceptions are REAL at this moment...having some time to cry through them might help.
God's providence (and His promises) never fail.
Normal is CHANGING and that's HUGE for her...especially coming out of teenage years.
If she's not willing to sit with you and listen...is there a younger, mentor-type adult she admires who could spend some time with her giving them time to talk about how that adult transitioned through their early college years?
Continue to stay positive in your actions and attitude...even when everyone's complaining and feeling doom and gloom.
Hebrews 10:23-25 - "Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." (NLT)
sending prayers for good interaction between you and Stephanie and that God will guide your words and open her heart, may it not grow hardened. :)
I also think you need to speak to her. Unfortunately, she is angry now and will probably get mad at you or even act worse around you, (ah, teenagers....) Also, being a teenager, she probably will think that you don't have a clue about what she is going through.
SO, even though the talk you have with her might not seem to help at the time, hopefully she will realize over time (hopefully a very short time) that she needs to "cool it".
Good luck. I just said a prayer for you.
I have a plaque that says:
"Parents of Teenagers Know Why Some Animals Eat Their Young"
Leah: This is the part of parenting that I dislike the most. I've never been good at pulling anyone up, not my husband, not anybody. But with God's help I think we are seeing progress.
Skoots1mom: Thanks for your input. Your point about her perceptions being real was a good one. I'm inclined to think she is over reacting and tend to discount her perception on things at times. Thanks for the reminder.
Mary: Thanks for the prayer. I did speak to her yesterday, and while we didn't cover the full topic in one hit I think we made some progress. I'm thinking that's the approach I'm going to take. I won't bombard her all at once with everything, just chip away at her...like a dripping tap! Drip. Drip. Drip.
So thankful God is guiding you in your words and actions! He is able...
Blessings, dear friend!
Hi! I agree with everything everyone else has said.
Another suggestion I have tried in the past is to point it out in other people. (Not around them of course) but sometimes seeing/hearing it makes you see it in yourself.
I have some verses running around in my head, but they are running to fast, but I'm sure you are familar with them. Anyway, find you some verses of what you want her to be, and start praying them. Maybe even sneak in her room while she is sleeping and pray for her, out loud.
(Also know, my life is a mess right now, and I'm the last person who should be offering advice, but :)
Jen
Thanks Joanie, I must remember to keep praying...
And praying for you too Jen. Hope life settles down for you soon.
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