Past Skeletons

While refueling my car yesterday I bumped into someone I never thought I'd see again. And to be honest I was happy with that scenario.

This person is the father of one of my school friends. She and I spent many happy weekends together in our teen years. Trish loved to come to our place, at the time I didn't see the attraction (other than me of course!) but I was to find out why she loved our home and family so much in later years.

Trish had a very strict family. They belonged to a religious sect and didn't approve of me on any level. They didn't have TV, weren't allowed to cut their hair and seemed (to me) to have a church meeting every five minutes.

It wasn't until we left school that I found out that Trish was being sexually abused by her father. She finally told her mother, who shunned her. The result was her parents rejecting her completely as well as her church, who took her fathers side. To cut a long story short, Trish ended up addicted to speed, anorexic, and having her children taken from her. She is doing well now, has her kids back, studying to be a nurse, but still has a deep mistrust of men. Her brother and sisters have been a wonderful support, as they also suffered the abuse and although it's taken many years for them to deal with it, they are all grateful to Trish for being the brave one who finally spoke out (she is the youngest).

I wasn't prepared for my reaction when I saw her father yesterday. I've not seen him since Trish has shared with me the horror of her childhood (no wonder she loved to come to our house!). I didn't recognise him at first, but when I did I felt ill. Then angry. Of course I smiled politely and said hello at the time, but in the car on the way home I felt such an intense hatred for this man that I surprised myself. He has completely gotten away with this abuse, as his children haven't officially reported it. And he looked so serene and smug. I've never felt the kind of animosity toward another human being that I felt yesterday. I wasn't aware that I was capable of it.

I have tried reminding myself that this man is a child of God, just like me. And that I have a pretty dark past myself and am certainly in no position to judge.

But I'm still very angry, and resentful, and ... I don't know... indignant. When I think back to the time when the abuse was happening I remember feeling in awe of Trish's parents. And so very disapproved of, and judged. I wanted them to like me, wanted them to approve of me, and all the time they were strutting about the community self righteously they were hurting the very people they should have been protecting. And then when Trish asked for help her mother didn't believe her and even worse, blamed her.

Dear Lord, please help me to deal with these feelings of resentment and anger. Thank you that Trish has managed to stabilise her life and get herself back on track. I pray that she will turn towards you again some day for support and guidance.

I want my baby back!

My baby boy turned thirteen this year.

His voice is breaking, he is growing at an alarming rate, but up until a few weeks ago he was still a lovable, amicable, easy going boy.

Then along came a thief called puberty and stole him. Overnight he turned into a back answering, obstinate, rude, smelly and obnoxious little beast. And to make things worse, he's bigger than me. And did I mention smelly?

I still see glimpses of the sweet boy I fondly remember. Those glimpses are what is keeping him alive.

Sigh. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with this new Scott. At the moment I'm just losing my temper with monotonous regularity....which achieves nothing of course.

I think I'll just hide at my computer and pray that this phase will soon be over....someone reassure me...please?

Sometimes life gets in the way...

It's been a busy couple of weeks at our place, and it doesn't look like it's going to ease up anytime soon.

Harvest is well under way. We are about two thirds through and so far things are going along ok. We are about two thirds the way through and so far no breakdowns. Which is a blessing. Also the wheat is yielding better than we expected so that is another reason to be thankful.

Steph had her first singing lesson last weekend. Lets just say thats not an experience we will be repeating.

School is winding up for both kids. Steph is trying to get assignments finished on time and handed in for assesment. Scott is revising and getting ready for high school. Scott's little school will close down at the end of this year. It's sad but inevitable. Their enrolements fall below ten next year and thats just not viable.

So thats just a quick snapshot of the madness that surrounds me at the moment. I promise that I will soon make a more eloquent attempt!

Warm Fuzzies

Scott and Kym have just played their last game of squash for the Spring pennant. Next week is the grand final and their team was beaten so didn't make it through.

But that's not what has given me the warm fuzzies.

After everyone had played their games I sat back watched Scott challenge his Dad to a match. Scott had no hope of course. But it did my heart glad to watch them. Watching the way that Kym gently directed him and let him win points to boost his confidence. Then he would tell him something he was doing wrong and illustate his point. All without putting him down, or making him feel inferior. And the times that they both just turned around and smiled at me made me smile.

Kym is a gifted sportsman. He could have taken his talent a long way if he had the killer instinct, which he doesn't. There is no arrogance about him when it comes to his natural abilities. He is modest and unassuming and the first to congratulate his competitors on a game well played. This makes him a patient and sensitve teacher.

Scott doesn't have the level of natural ability that his father does. He does however have that competitive spirit. I'm hoping that Kyms good sportsmanship and modesty will rub off on him at some stage!

Lord, thank you for showing me and reminding me that I married a wonderful, kind and patient man. Help me to remember that when I'm feeling hurt or let down. Help me to not focus on the negatives and be the best wife I can be, because he deserves no less.

A long but rewarding day..

I got home at 7pm this evening from what turned out to be a very long day!

I started out leaving home at 7am to go pick up a friend of mine and a friend of Steph's to take them with us to Port Lincoln for the day.

Steph was singing at 10am in Port Lincoln in the first round of a Search for a Singer competition. We had no idea how many performers would be there, what time Steph would sing, or how long the process was going to take. The answers to those questions was 35, around 11.30am and a very long time!

Steph sang in the second block of singers. She didn't sing at her best, forgot her words but covered it up quickly enough so others didn't notice, and during the second chorus she went a bit flat...but that's her critical mother speaking.

The judges obviously thought she did ok because she was selected along with 9 other singers to appear in the semi final concert in January. This will also be held in Port Lincoln at a major festival for our state, the Tunarama Festival. There will be more people there than Steph has ever sung in front of but at this stage she doesn't seem to be too bothered about that.

If she wins the grand final then she gets flown to Adelaide to perform in a showcase to industry representatives sometime next year....but realisitically she isn't up to that level yet. She is just thrilled to bits to be put through this round and into the semi finals. I'm really happy for her, and proud of her, it's such a boost to her confidence and self esteem. Just what the doctor ordered.

Oh, and guess who forgot the camera...again! Is there no hope for me????

Lord, thankyou for the lovely day out we had with friends today. Thank you for watching over Stephanie as she sang and for giving her the gift of her lovely voice. I pray that one day she will use it for your glory.

Dental dramas part 3

And so it continues.....

Yesterday I went to the dentist for my second visit to complete a root canal. This is the part where they file out the nerve (sounds enticing doesn't it) and fill the root with cement.

Well. That's what is supposed to happen. Apparently I have an extra root on this tooth. Of course. And this tooth is right at the back of my mouth so difficult to get to.

After sitting in the chair for 1 hour and 16 minutes (give or take a few seconds) we had two roots filed out, with three to go. Apparently number 5 (5? Who has 5 roots? You don't see that in the pictures do you? Noooo.) is extremely uncooperative. Nothing is ever simple or straightforward when it comes to my teeth.

At about the 45 minute mark I really started to pray. Nothing coherant really. Just please make it stop. I wasn't really in pain, but the sides of my mouth were really sore from having to open my mouth so wide for so long and just watching him play with those long sharp files in front of me was freaking me out. There is just something really distressing about long sharp pointy things. I was holding myself so tense I came out of it with a stiff neck and a head ache.

So...where to from here? At least two more appointments. I kid you not. A root canal is supposed to take three appointments, but no. Sharon has to stretch it over four just so we can sort out that extra root. Extra root. You've got to be kidding. Who does that!

On the 29th of November I see the oral surgeon to find out what will be done about that wisdom tooth that I'm not supposed to have. Honestly. What is going on in my mouth. Extra roots, wisdom teeth appearing out the side of my gum that I paid hundreds of dollars to have removed when I was 21. What is the meaning of this outrage!

In other dental news....Scott had his plate removed from the roof of his mouth yesterday after six months. The orthodontist was pleased with the progress made and Scott's cross bite is now corrected. There was quite a bit of tugging and pulling involved in getting the plate out and Scott has pretty sore gums today. So it's back to mushy food for him for a few days. At least now he just has braces to contend with and not that bothersome plate. He can say "s" again!

Christmas thoughts

Our service this week touched on Christmas, and our capital city celebrated the begining of the festive season with the annual Christmas pagaent on Saturday morning.

I love Christmas. I've never grown out of the wonder of it all. I love carols. I love wrapping presents and decorating trees, and most of all I love to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour.

While sitting in church this week listening to the children's talk I felt a real yearning for what I really want for Christmas this year. I want to sit in that very church on Christmas morning with my husband and children. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes, it brings such an intense feeling of longing, almost like I'm grieving. I really don't understand why it makes me so emotional. And I really don't hold out much hope of it happening. But that doesn't stop me from dreaming.

This Christmas will be a bit different for us. For the first time in many years we will wake on Christmas morning in our own home. My parents have moved a long way away and work in a mining community and this year they don't get time off for Christmas. We will celebrate with them a week early when they come visit. Usually we spend Christmas eve with them and Christmas morning at their house and then go to Kym's family. This year will start at home, and then go to Kym's family for lunch. This means we will drive right past our church on Christmas day. Maybe that's why it's playing on my mind. We aren't normally anywhere near home on Christmas morning.

For some reason I have a feeling that this Christmas has special significance for our family. I can't put my finger on it, something just feels different.

Lord, thank you for seeking me and drawing me close to you. I pray that I can remember the true reason for Christmas and not let my own desires get in the way of my praise and thanksgiving for all that You have done for me. I pray that I can live in you completely, and that I can learn to hand everything over to you. Help me to reliquish control and just give my life to you completely.

Home Again

We made it home safely.

I planned to do a post and show you some great action shots of Scott playing tennis....but somebody forgot the camera (that would be me in case you are wondering!)

At least we got a team photo and individual photo taken by a professional photographer, so he has that as a momento. And of course he has the team shirt and jumper that he gets to keep.

I'm suffering from a bit of a mushy brain at the moment. I had great plans of getting loads of housework done and having a productive day but I'm afraid that hasn't eventuated.

Stephanie is singing in a contest on Saturday, she's known about it for about a month but with the strawberry fete and Scott's tennis we all kind of forgot about it. Until today. Today I have spent almost the entire day searching the internet for either the sheet music or a backing track for the song she wants to sing. It's a lovely song called "The Show" by an Australian singer, Lenka. The song is in our top forty at the moment and usually that means it's pretty easy to find the music. But no. I think I'm going to have to admit defeat and Steph is going to have to come up with something else. She only has a week to practice so she'd better make that decision quickly.

I'm afraid there isn't really any point to my incoherant ramblings today. Just letting everyone know that I'm back. And I'm tired. And maybe just a little bit grumpy.

Think I might make myself a cuppa and go find a book to read.....after I've caught up on everyone's blogs of course. Need to see what I've missed!

Just Checking In

Hi everyone.

I'm still in Adelaide at the moment but I'm taking a moment to borrow my Aunt's computer to check in and say hi.

I'm completely over being in Adelaide. I'm just not cut out for being in the city I'm afraid. A week is just a little too long.

We've had some very long days at the tennis and Scott is pretty tired and grumpy, but he is enjoying the experience. He has even managed a couple of wins which is a great achievement at a competition of this level.

Well, we are off to go ten pin bowling now. Sigh. Not really in the mood to go out but Scott absolutely loves ten pin bowling.

Will post photos and tell you how Scott went when I get home!

Random Question

Edie's random question this week is "Why did you seek Him?"

That's a really good question.

I can't be sure that I did seek Him.

I wasn't brought up in a Christian home, but used to go to Sunday school as a kid because the church was just across the road and some of my friends went. I loved Sunday school, I loved school, so found Sunday school even more fun. No math! And lots of colouring and making!

One day I found myself in church for the service (Sunday school was before church then, not like now where it happens during the service). I'd never been to a church service before. I was handed a hymn book and I discovered another love. I loved to sing. I found the hymns easy to pick up and I just loved it.

Then I became a teenager. Enough said!

When I was 15 I met my husband Kym. He came from a Christian family. He played football for the same club as me, went to the same school, but he was from Verran. We viewed those from Verran as "a bit straight". My Dad called them Bible Bashing Wowsers. The thing that I found extremely attractive about Kym was that he was rebelling. He drank. He smoked. He had turned 18 and told his parents that he was never, ever, setting foot in a church again.

After dating for a while I got to know these "Verran Wowsers" pretty well. I found them to be caring, accepting and kind. They weren't straight at all. We had heaps of fun doing pretty normal teenage things, just didn't take it to the extreme. Before I knew it I had joined a Christian singing group and I was singing again and loving it. We performed at churches and concerts all over the state, and Kym was there, even when we sang in a church! It was a great time of friendship and fellowship but I didn't give myself over to the Lord. To be honest I didn't really believe it.

Time passed and Kym and I became engaged, and then married. I was still a member of the singing group, and still enjoyed the friendship that it brought. I had a nagging feeling though, that if they really new me then they would reject me. I drank more than they did. I had sex before marriage, and I know they didn't. I was part of a good group, but I wasn't really a good girl.

It wasn't for many years, after a close call with my marriage that I actively sought the Lord. Kym was struggling with his health, and I was starting to wonder what I'd missed by marrying so young, and marrying my first love. I started making bad decisions, neglecting my marriage and my children to stay out and socialise with my workmates.

Through all this I had one friend who believed in me. She listened. She didn't judge, and through her I started to seek a relationship with my Lord. I'm still in my infancy. I think I always will be. I wander, I stray, but someone or something always brings me back. I'm a pretty frustrating sheep I imagine.

After all this rambling I'm not sure if I've answered Edie's question. I really feel that the it was the Lord seeking me. He had to kick me a few times but eventually He got my attention. And He still has to kick me, pretty often, because I'm forever wandering off course.