Monday, September 28, 2009

Father vs Daughter

Sometimes I feel like the meat in the sandwich between Kym and Steph.

They are very similar people. They can both be abrupt, impatient and demanding. However both fail to see these traits in themselves, only in each other.

Last week was a turbulent one in our household. Sometimes I feel like they run around lighting fires and then they expect me to run around and put them out.

We are now in school holidays, and Steph has gone to spend a few days at a friend's house, and then later in the week she is spending some time with her cousin.

In short she is avoiding her father. And he knows it. And he is too stubborn to back down and do something about it. Neither of them are willing to admit to any fault on their behalf. I can see it, it's blatantly obvious. Kym is over critical, Steph is over sensitive. Both are OVER stubborn. And I am OVER IT!

I feel a bit helpless. And a lot frustrated. I just want to bang their heads together and tell them both to get over it.

So, I shall pray. And pray, and pray some more. Because it worries me that they are both going to be so stubborn that they will permanently damage their relationship.

10 valued opinions!:

Anonymous said...

oooh I have heard and felt this all before in my own life...and experienced it yet again today when mum and dad took the kids and I for a drive in the countryside.. but it always seems worse when mum is around... !! I am not sure why!!

Generally when dad and I are alone, noone gets nasty but when mum's in the picture both of us get heated and niggle each other!! Dad seems to hoe into mum when I am in his company and I dont take it and can end up taking mums side while she sits quietly and peacemakes!!! ha ha! Now I know why she shuts her mouth, because dad never listens anyway!! Men!!!

Both dad and I find it hard to say sorry to one another or anyone for that matter and think we have lost that respect in some ways.. I wish I could many a time but dont know if he gets it that he has really hurt me or I him.. Its like a love hate relationship... not a healthy one though I admit!! ITs a bit like testing to see if the other approves or not.. weird hey?

On the other hand my hubby and I are so different. He doesnt bait me like dad can.. and we know how to forgive one another... strange hey?

I dont think you need to feel that you need to rescue your hubby or Steph.. but they need to work at it on their terms.. you may not always be around to help them and they are adults!!

Not sure if i have added to the burden or helped!!

Lynette

Joanie said...

I feel your pain and agony in this ongoing situation. No answers, but continuing to pray...

You are thought of often!

HisPrincess said...

Hmmm, Lynette I'm not sure whether to be comforted or more concerned! I know she is at an age where she will stretch our patience to the limit and really push her boundaries. I think all she is really looking for from him is approval. And that's the one thing she isn't getting. *SIGH*

Joanie, thanks as always for you kind thougths and prayers. REALLY appreciated.

Anonymous said...

I didnt mean to freak you out Sharon but guess to let you know its not unique but its also not right either.. ! I dont have this issue with anyone else though!!Praise God.
Perhaps each of them doesnt know what to do about the problem? Really all you can do is pray!!!

L

Leah Adams said...

I think that Stephanie so wants Kym's love and approval but doesn't know how to garner it. You are in such a tough place, Sharon. Praying the Lord will give you peace in your home.

Leah

HisPrincess said...

Thanks Leah. You are exactly right. It's the way I was with my father. I wish I could break the cycle.

My ADHD Me said...

Hi. I have read the last few posts you wrote but haven't been feeling well for a week or so and haven't been commenting.
First I need to let you know that I am so sorry about the crop damage but thank God that you have insurance. I've said it before and as someone that lives on a farm, I know you know that weather is about the only thing that we have absolutely no control over.
I have never seen hale any larger than abut the size of a nickle. I'm so glad you were all under shelter. SOunds like a very dangerous storm. I like the fact that Kym looked on the bright side. There is always a bright side somewhere. It is just a matter of finding it.

Now, regarding this post. I have absolutely no advise to give on this one. I know that most teenagers go thru a phase where they "hate" one or both of their parents. Most people say not to worry because it always passes. But it doesn't. My 18 year old cannot stand his father. It is mostly his fathers own fault but then being an 18 year old that "knows everything" doesn't help.
I know it tears you up because you want harmony in the house. It is probably for the best that they don't spend a lot of time together right now.
It could very well pass over and just be a teenager / parent thing, but if it doesn't, you can find peace knowing that you are there for both of them. It's hard, I know.
P.S. you know, we sure do have a lot in common!

My ADHD Me said...

P.S. I wonder why it is so hard for so many fathers to give their kids the approval they are seeking???

Anonymous said...

Sorry if i was being too honest! i just dont understand this father/daughter thing... I think I just need to learn to back off, shut my trap, walk out the room or something ! I know I can only change myself and not him at all... but even thats a mountain in itself because its ok when we are apart to think this but once we are in the same room, well.... !!

Funny thing is my mum always tells me i am the apple of his eye being the only daughter and youngest child too. but i have never felt this way!! I actually think he is jealous of me and mum when together.. Wish the 77 yo would grow up then!!! LOL!!

Praise God He understands and wants us to work it out... miracles can and do happen..

Lynette

HisPrincess said...

Lynette, don't ever apologise for being honest! Its comforting to know that others understand, and empathise with what you are going through.

Mary, I hope you are feeling better now. Thanks for your comments. Why is it so hard for Dads to give their kids the approval they are looking for? I wish I knew! I know Kym pretty well (well, I should since we've been together almost 25 years!) and I know he adores Steph. He would do absolutely anything for her. He would never disown her, or with hold his love for her no matter how much she disappoints him. The trouble is, I know that, but she doesn't.

And Steph, well she is more volatile and demanding every day.

I can see fault on both sides. Like I said, sometimes I just want to bang their heads together.