The green eyed monster is something that I have struggled with a little (ok, a lot) over the past couple of months.
I sit in church every week, sometimes with one child, sometimes with the other, a lot of the time on my own, and never with my husband.
I struggle to control the feeling of envy as I observe all the "whole" families in the pews around me. I so badly want what they have got, it overwhelms me sometimes.
Of course this feeling of envy comes with feelings of inadequacy (what kind of parent/wife am I? Can't get my family to come to church with me, I'm such a failure), anger (if they cared about me they would do this for me, afterall I spend my WHOLE LIFE doing stuff for them), frustration (why hasn't God answered my prayers), impatience (WHEN will God answer my prayers?), and a kind of grief. It just makes me really sad when I think about all they are missing out on.
Lord, I know your ways are not mine, and I can't begin to comprehend the big picture. Please help me to have patience with myself and with my family. Help me to not take my frustrations out on them, and make them the enemy, because we all know who that enemy is. Help me to stay strong and intercede for my family, if there is something I can say then let me say it, but help me to discern when this is and what the right thing to say is.
Mostly Lord I pray for Kym, Stephanie and Scott to come to know you and love you. I pray that they will all give themselves wholeheartedly to you. Please watch over them and guide them and protect them.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Envy
Posted by HisPrincess at 1:17 PM
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5 valued opinions!:
Sharon, I have never felt envious in church (I guess I am too new to church) but have felt envious that it's so much harder to fellowship the church family when you are an "unparalleled woman". Just know that God has placed us in our situations and is using them for His purposes in ways we will understand one day. Hugs
Keep praying, Sharon. The Lord hears your prayers and you are being such a witness to your family. Don't give up!! Hang in there!!
Leah
Oh dear friend ~ I do relate to how you're feeling. When our children were quite little, Blaine was not a believer and I took the children to church with me. It bothered me and eventually Blaine came to the Lord and we all attend church. That still doesn't mean life is "perfect" for us or that we've arrived. Blaine doesn't want to go to church if I can't go (due to illness challenges) and there are days when I like him not to be there, because it frees me to be more social with others (not his thing). When our family arrives ~ the children often go their own way, as they have ministry or people to meet up with.
Try to remember that God gave each of us a 'free will to choose'. He doesn't force us. He continually calls to us and we make choices. But as Leah said, KEEP PRAYING! It's one of the mighty weapons God has given to empower His children. I am praying and others are praying too!
Have you read the book, Though None Go with Me! It's a fictional story, but powerful. It changed my faith journey and helped me focus my eyes MORE on Jesus regardless of the choices people made around me!
And yes, it's okay to feel the emotions that you do have ~ just try and remember to praise God at the end of it all. David was our great example in the Psalms...
Standing with you and praying for the provision of His peace to surpass all understanding in your life.. You are so loved, dear friend.
Hi Sharon,
I was blog hopping and hopped right over here... I am not even sure of the path... but, I am so glad that I did.
I so understand your pain. For years my husband didn't go to church with us. Now that he does... I am still not happy with his walk. Did you catch that?? I (yes, I) am still not happy. I can always find things to be critical about... the amount of time he spends in prayer, the amount of time he spends reading his Bible, the way he doesn't seem to have the same hunger that I have... and the list goes on. BUT... that is not even the point of this comment... I have a friend that is in the exact same boat that you are in. She expressed to me the other night, through her tears, that as she sings in the choir and looks out over the congregation her heart breaks at the thoughts that her husband doesn't attend church. She said she sees all of those husbands and wives sitting close together on the pews and wonders if she will ever get to sit with her husband in church...
The thing is this... do not listen to the enemy tell you that all of those "sweet" families have it all together. They have struggles of their own. It may be that the husband and wife are not on the same page... it may be that one of their children is so rebellious that their hearts are breaking into as many pieces as yours is. (in that case... you may be looking straight into my face) I once sat back and watched one of my friends and her husband and thought, "man... I wish that my marriage was like that, they are perfect" only for her to confide in me that her husband struggles with a sin that is ripping their marriage apart. Some people hide their issues so well.
The enemy wants you to believe all of the lies that he keeps wispering in your ears... Do not accept them. Just know that you are the apple in God's eye. He hears your pain and your prayers. He loves your family and wants the best for them too.
I hope that this didn't come across as harsh... that is cerainly not the way it was meant. I just know how long I listened to the lies of the enemy and took them to heart. Now... I do still listen to him from time to time. I even believe him from time to time. But recently I have been on a journey with God... to be real. He has taught me that people can make me see in them what they want me to see... not always the truth. We all struggle with things... not one of us is perfect... no matter what we try to portray to the world.
Keep on praying sister. That is what I am doing too, for me and for you. Walking with God is just that... a walk... no matter the path. Sometimes I wish that He and I could jump over to the yellow brick road... but I am going to keep on walking. I know that you will too.
Lynn
Sharon,
I don't know what I can say to add to all the other great wisdom that has already been said.
My 3 children are nonbelievers, and I go to church by myself. Yes, I look around and see those other families, and sometimes I think I wish I had that, too--my children there with me.
But, I just keep praying for them, and I know, in faith, that our Lord will bring them to Him in His time--just as He did me.
He waited ever so patiently for me to come to Him, still always loving me.
Know that God loves your children and your husband and is waiting patiently for them.
Keep praying because God hears your prayers and He will answer them just when the time is right.
I think the next best thing I can after prayer is just living my life as Christ-like as possible so that they can see God's love shining through me. Keep on loving them through God's love!
Beth
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