It doesn't fit.

Yesterday I had the dubious task of finding a dress to wear to my daughter's 21st. I used to love dress shopping. Note the past tense. Yesterday it wasn't much fun at all. I did manage to find something that fits and looks as good as I'm going to look at the moment, which is about all I can hope for!

I have been on a healthy eating and exercise plan for about a week now. It's been 7 days since my last chocolate. It hasn't been pretty.

Well...to be honest it hasn't been that bad. Today is harder because I'm not at work, trying to keep busy and keep my mind off food! Took the dog to the beach for a walk which killed an hour or so, and made his day.

I've got a daughter who is a clean eating fanatic and a personal trainer. I so wish some of her enthusiasm would rub off on me. We have a month until her 21st. The dress I bought yesterday is a snug fit, won't hurt to lose a few kilo's, so that shall be my aim.

And now that I've said it out loud I have to do it!

Wish me luck!

Aaannnd...I'm going to church tomorrow. Not because I'm rostered to do something, or because someone has called asking where I am, but because I want to. Go me.

Just Rambling...

Hello friends.

I don't have a specific topic today. Just felt like a chat.

Have had a difficult week with number two child this week. Got some practice at not "fixing" it, and letting him suffer the consequences of his actions (or in this case, lack of actions). The issue seems to have righted itself for the moment. Not holding my breath though.

Harvest is in full swing. Well kind of. At a bit of a stand still at the moment because the weather isn't playing the game. Kym is having a rest for the weekend which he needs, so it's not all bad.

Faith wise, I'm still a bit rocky. Not sure what I'm going to do about that. Just feeling a bit stuck.

We had family photos taken a few weeks ago, those who see me on facebook would have seen the photos but I love this one of the kids. Makes me remember that I don't really want to smother them with a pillow. Well not all the time anyway.

Fix it..

I learned something in church today (go figure!)

I'm a fixer. What's known in psychology circles as a "rescuing parent". When stuff goes wrong for my family I fix it. It's who I am. It's what I do.

Today Andrew (our lay preacher) said something that struck a chord with me. He said that when he has a problem he jumps in straight away and tries to find a solution. Immediately. Straight away. And he's only just now learning to step back, take a breath and think first.

I do that. Scott's wasn't happy at school so I met with teachers, I talked to him to try to find out what the problem was. I tried everything I could think of to fix it. I even prayed. Eventually. But nothing I could do would fix it. It just didn't get fixed. He left school at the end of year 11 and I felt a failure.

Steph breaks a nail, she tells me, gets stung by a bee, tells me, needs a life in candy crush, tells me, has boyfriend trouble, tells me....and I fix and fix and fix and fix...

But the time has come to take a step back and breathe. I'm not doing them or myself any favours by trying to make everything perfect for them all the time. I know this in my head but in my heart I just want them happy. Because when they are happy I am happy.

So fix it Mum is going to try to stop. See what happens when the first problem arises...

Oh, and tomorrow Scott has a job interview...so any prayers would be much appreciated it. I'm still allowed to do that!

Dear Lord, please give me the wisdom to be able to advise my kids without taking on their problems for them. Help them to grow into independant adults who are able to make wise decisions and learn from their mistakes. Please be with Scott tomorrow as he attends a job interview, help him find the right answers to any questions he is asked and help his prospective employer see the wonderful young man that he is. In your precious name I pray. Amen.

Journey of Faith

My faith journey has been somewhat rocky this year...

We started out ok, pretty normal, and then I just didn't find time for regular church. And that's where the trouble started.

I set myself a goal of reading the bible in a year, and got stuck at March, and then started to beat myself up. More trouble.

I failed at being a good Christian, asked forgiveness, failed again, asked forgiveness, failed again, asked forgiveness, failed again.... until in about April I threw my hands in the air and GAVE UP.

I decided that if I couldn't be a good Christian then I would be a Christian at all. Plenty of people seem to get through life with less drama and hassle than me without God. So I decided that God didn't exist. Stamped my feet, stuck my tongue out and blew a big fat raspberry skyward.

That lasted until I went to bed that night, and said my usual prayer before going to sleep...only I thought, hang on, who are you praying to? You can't pray to God if you don't believe in him. After a silent little argument with myself I decided FINE. You do exist. But I'm ignoring you. So there.

That lasted right up until late July when the wheels fell off. Scott got a new job. We packed him up, found him a rental, moved him in. And two weeks later he quit. Just like that. Hated it so he quit. At which point I literally fell to my knees and said sorry. I'm sorry for trying to do it myself. I'm nothing without you. I can't do it alone.

Since then has been a slow and long recovery. It's like getting divorced and trying to start over. I feel like I've cheated. I'm beating myself up again and a few times I've almost quit again. Almost. God isn't letting go so easily this time. He got me back to church with a phone call to remind me that it's my turn to lead worship. He's been bombarding me daily with scripture on facebook, on my kindle, in my devotions. Everything I read seems to point me back to the One.

Lord, I know I can't do it alone, but I still try. Please help me to surrender myself and my life to you completely. Help me to trust in your plan. In your precious name I pray. Amen.

Life the universe and everything...

Well it's been over twelve months and I feel the need to blog again.

It's just nice to write it down, and I miss writing.

This year we are anticipating the biggest, most amazing harvest in LIVING MEMORY. Well, my living memory anyway, that's still a pretty long time.I can't get over how wonderful everything looks, so lush and green, the crop is so thick it looks like you could walk on it.

Scott decided not to continue with school this year (well, he refused), so did a mining course instead. Perfect attendance, excellent grades and references from his tutors - amazing what a difference it made to study something he was interested in. He's now just playing the waiting game, he decided he wanted to get into mining pretty much just as the bottom fell out of it here in South Australia. But it will come back. It always does. In the meantime he's working with his Dad on the farm and he will be really busy working for a bulk grain handler during harvest. By the looks of the crops, very busy. Did I say they look amazing??

Steph finished her administration traineeship and is now working in a health market and cafe. Loves it. Health food is right up her alley. She's also studying (again), a Diploma in Fitness this time. I think she will just merrily go through life collecting qualifications until she happens on the career she wants. It's been lovely having her near by. We see her around once per week which is lovely.

Faith this year for me has and continues to be a stuggle, but that's a journey I will blog about later. Can't do it all at once!

Lord, thankyou for the continued rain and for the crops we have in our paddocks. I pray now for an uneventful, speedy harvest with no accidents, breakdowns or freyed tempers. Thank you for the health of Kym, Steph and Scott and for continually watching over them. Please help me to be the best wife, Mum and child of God that I can be. In your precious name. Amen.