Blessings

How things can change in the space of a week.

This year has been a major rollercoaster ride for me, and this week is a peak!

Stephanie arrived home on Monday afternoon, and I've slept so well and am feeling so rested now. Amazing how well you sleep when both your kids are safe and well and under the same roof as you!

Steph seems in a good place at the moment. She has been seeing a counsellor that she really likes and feels that it's helping her. She has come off her anti depressants (under supervision) and other than some side effects of feeling sick and dizzy is doing pretty well.

It's just such a joy to have her home. On Monday night Kym tucked her in and gave her a kiss goodnight...she loved it. Really means a lot to her when her Dad shows affection. They've always been close but I think being apart has strengthened that. They are spending today out in the boat fishing which is a passtime they both love. Yesterday we had a girls lunch and Steph had her hair done and tomorrow she is visiting friends so she is having a restful and relaxing week catching up with those she loves.

There will still be peaks and troughs with this girl. I know that. But for the moment I'm going to enjoy the peak while it lasts.

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Couldn't come up with a title. No idea what I'm going to chat about, just thought I would start typing and see what comes out...this should be interesting...

Been feeling a bit low just lately (you may have noticed that). Not feeling particularly worthy or a very good Christian. I feel like that a lot...

Last night I practiced with some fantastic people for worship tomorrow. I'm worship leading a combined service which is kind of a big deal for me. I'm feeling a bit out of my comfort zone. I've song lead for a large congregation before, but not actually worship lead...as in have to do something other than sing.

And I thought singing was all I was going to be doing this time. But our ministers wife (who is an awesome singer, and is singing with me) put me on the spot a bit. Firstly she suggested that I do the call to worship and welcome. That's cool. I can manage that. Then half way through practice she thought one of the songs would be enhanced with a prayer in the middle of that...and Sharon are you able to do that? Um...what? I'm struggling to pray for myself let alone pray publicly. I already feel like a fraud for having the audacity to lead worship with singing let alone praying, out loud, in front of 100 odd people, with a microphone. hmmm

I like to plan things and be organised. But I feel pressured to just come up with something and not have it written down. It's freaking me out just a tad.

On the up side, singing worship songs last night really did give me a lift. Momentarily. Not sure what my problem is. I feel like I need to give myself a good slap.

Dear Lord, please help me get over whatever my problem is at the moment. Please be with Stephanie as she deals with continuing issues in her life, help her to think before she speaks and to remember always that she is your Princess. Actually help me to remember that too. Please be with me tomorrow as I lead worship. Help me to remember that it's all about you and any misgivings or failings that I have will be more than made up for with your grace. Amen.

I can feel myself slipping again...

I've long had a tendency to let things get on top of me and fall into a bit of a hole.

And it has a whole lot to do with how much time I'm spending with the Lord, and where I'm sitting with my faith. At the moment the answer to the above is none at all (time with the Lord) and shakey (faith).

I've been actively encouraging Steph to turn to the Lord lately, more so than I ever have before. And I have to admit that makes me feel like a bit of a hypocrite. Because I'm not exactly practising what I'm preaching. And to be completey honest I can feel my faith slipping away. I'm wondering and questioning and just plain frustrated.

Obviously the answer to all this is to pray. But that just makes me feel hyprocritical again. Sigh.

Learning Experience

Well! Yesterday was quite the learning experience for Steph.

She went to the tattoo studio for work experience. They forgot she was coming and were in the middle of renovating so got her to help with that. She was happy to do that, doesn't mind doing a bit of painting.

All was going well until lunch when the alcohol came out. She thought that odd to be drinking at work, and declined the offer to join them. Then things really went downhill. Out came marijuana, cocaine (which Steph had never even seen before), and some pills which she had no idea what they were. They offered to share and thought she was an extremely strange girl to decline. Afterall everyone does it....ummmm.....no. Not everybody.

Needless to say she was out of there as soon as she could. And she isn't going back.

So...that brought back the "why me" factor. Why does everything bad happen to me. Why doesn't anything good ever happen.

And she is back together with the boyfriend. Just fabulous.

On Saturday she has an appointment with a counsellor. I'm really hoping and praying that it will help.

Lord, please help Steph sort herself out. Help her to look to you for guidance. Help her to open up and learn to help herself.