Letting Go

I have decided that letting go sucks.

It's too hard. I don't want to do it. I am refusing to participate.

This morning I waved goodbye to Steph and her best friend as they headed off to Whyalla to see a movie. All alone. In her own car. Whyalla is a 150km drive and is one of our nearest cities. It's an easy city to drive in, nice wide streets, not too busy. Steph has driven there before...with me.

It was just two girls going out for a fun day together.

And yet I felt physically ill. I have been see-sawing between panic and prayer all day.

I'm a bit surprised at myself. I've never been the hand wringing type. Until now obviously.

They are still in Whyalla at present. Steph has her singing lesson at 6.30pm, which means she will be traveling home at dusk, contending with trucks, headlights and kangaroos. The horrific possibilities are endless, and I can't stop myself from imagining the worst.

Is this normal? Am I a complete basket case?

A very wise friend reminded me today that they are in God's hands, and that he is a much better parent than me (thankfully!). I know this and still I worry.

I will continue to worry and pray until she is home.

I'm hoping it won't be this bad every time she takes a step away from my protection. It's my job to protect her. It's not a job I'm ready or willing to give up!

She may be almost 17, with a licence, a car, responsibilities and a job. BUT SHE IS STILL MY BABY!!!!

Someone get me a paper bag....panic panic panic panic.......

Juggling Act

I've dropped a few balls just lately in the juggling act of life.

I'm ashamed to admit that regular attendance at church is one of the dropped balls.

As is blogging regularly.

Not to mention the washing, the ironing, the housework.

I feel as though I'm barely keeping my head above water at present. And tomorrow I'm going to take a step toward remedying that by going to church. Church always makes me feel better. Gets my head in tune with my heart and helps me sort out my priorities.

God doesn't want to be my number one priority. He wants EVERY part of me, and rightly so. He should be my ONLY priority. Once I manage to get that right, then everything else just falls into place.

I know this truth.

I'm just really struggling to put it into practice.

Lord, help me get my priorities right, and help me remember that you are my everything, and deserve nothin less than my undivided devotion and attention. Help me with the reality of my life at the moment and get me though this busy time of year with sanity in tact. Please just help me stay on top of my committments and if something needs to go, then help me work out what.

Please Pray

Last night we lost an absolute legend.

He was an icon at my place of work. Everyone loved him. He was a diamond in the rough with a heart of gold.

Last night one of our mechanics was killed in a car accident at the age of 43.

His 18 year old son also works for us, and is in the third year of his apprenticeship.

Finny was what we call in Australia a really top bloke. I have spent almost 10 years sharing jokes, stories, arguments and laughs with Finny. I loved him dearly.

Finny was also somewhat of a trouble magnet. He got into fights in bars, he drank too much, he swore a LOT, he lost his licence and ended up in court countless times and he drove way way too fast. And last night speed was his downfall.

I feel a bit numb. I haven't really reacted to this terrible news at all. I feel quite removed. I don't know why.

I do know that I am not looking forward to tomorrow. We have a staff of about 20, and we all loved Finny. Everyone has a funny story about Finny. I don't know what we will do without him, or how everyone will react to this tragic, and unneccesary loss.

The worst part is that we won't have time to grieve. We are in the middle of the busiest time of the year. We all must carry on regardless, even though it's the last thing any of us want to do.

So, please pray for all the staff in the coming weeks as we deal with sudden loss of a dearly loved and respected workmate.

Also pray for Finny's girlfriend, who is an ambulance officer and was called to the scene of the accident last night. I can't imagine what she must be going through right now.

Lord, please be with our staff and management tomorrow as we all come to terms with this sudden and tragic loss. Please watch over Finny's girlfriend, his son's and his family as they deal with their loss. I don't know where Finny is now Lord, but I pray that somehow he is with you.