Blessings

How things can change in the space of a week.

This year has been a major rollercoaster ride for me, and this week is a peak!

Stephanie arrived home on Monday afternoon, and I've slept so well and am feeling so rested now. Amazing how well you sleep when both your kids are safe and well and under the same roof as you!

Steph seems in a good place at the moment. She has been seeing a counsellor that she really likes and feels that it's helping her. She has come off her anti depressants (under supervision) and other than some side effects of feeling sick and dizzy is doing pretty well.

It's just such a joy to have her home. On Monday night Kym tucked her in and gave her a kiss goodnight...she loved it. Really means a lot to her when her Dad shows affection. They've always been close but I think being apart has strengthened that. They are spending today out in the boat fishing which is a passtime they both love. Yesterday we had a girls lunch and Steph had her hair done and tomorrow she is visiting friends so she is having a restful and relaxing week catching up with those she loves.

There will still be peaks and troughs with this girl. I know that. But for the moment I'm going to enjoy the peak while it lasts.

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Couldn't come up with a title. No idea what I'm going to chat about, just thought I would start typing and see what comes out...this should be interesting...

Been feeling a bit low just lately (you may have noticed that). Not feeling particularly worthy or a very good Christian. I feel like that a lot...

Last night I practiced with some fantastic people for worship tomorrow. I'm worship leading a combined service which is kind of a big deal for me. I'm feeling a bit out of my comfort zone. I've song lead for a large congregation before, but not actually worship lead...as in have to do something other than sing.

And I thought singing was all I was going to be doing this time. But our ministers wife (who is an awesome singer, and is singing with me) put me on the spot a bit. Firstly she suggested that I do the call to worship and welcome. That's cool. I can manage that. Then half way through practice she thought one of the songs would be enhanced with a prayer in the middle of that...and Sharon are you able to do that? Um...what? I'm struggling to pray for myself let alone pray publicly. I already feel like a fraud for having the audacity to lead worship with singing let alone praying, out loud, in front of 100 odd people, with a microphone. hmmm

I like to plan things and be organised. But I feel pressured to just come up with something and not have it written down. It's freaking me out just a tad.

On the up side, singing worship songs last night really did give me a lift. Momentarily. Not sure what my problem is. I feel like I need to give myself a good slap.

Dear Lord, please help me get over whatever my problem is at the moment. Please be with Stephanie as she deals with continuing issues in her life, help her to think before she speaks and to remember always that she is your Princess. Actually help me to remember that too. Please be with me tomorrow as I lead worship. Help me to remember that it's all about you and any misgivings or failings that I have will be more than made up for with your grace. Amen.

I can feel myself slipping again...

I've long had a tendency to let things get on top of me and fall into a bit of a hole.

And it has a whole lot to do with how much time I'm spending with the Lord, and where I'm sitting with my faith. At the moment the answer to the above is none at all (time with the Lord) and shakey (faith).

I've been actively encouraging Steph to turn to the Lord lately, more so than I ever have before. And I have to admit that makes me feel like a bit of a hypocrite. Because I'm not exactly practising what I'm preaching. And to be completey honest I can feel my faith slipping away. I'm wondering and questioning and just plain frustrated.

Obviously the answer to all this is to pray. But that just makes me feel hyprocritical again. Sigh.

Learning Experience

Well! Yesterday was quite the learning experience for Steph.

She went to the tattoo studio for work experience. They forgot she was coming and were in the middle of renovating so got her to help with that. She was happy to do that, doesn't mind doing a bit of painting.

All was going well until lunch when the alcohol came out. She thought that odd to be drinking at work, and declined the offer to join them. Then things really went downhill. Out came marijuana, cocaine (which Steph had never even seen before), and some pills which she had no idea what they were. They offered to share and thought she was an extremely strange girl to decline. Afterall everyone does it....ummmm.....no. Not everybody.

Needless to say she was out of there as soon as she could. And she isn't going back.

So...that brought back the "why me" factor. Why does everything bad happen to me. Why doesn't anything good ever happen.

And she is back together with the boyfriend. Just fabulous.

On Saturday she has an appointment with a counsellor. I'm really hoping and praying that it will help.

Lord, please help Steph sort herself out. Help her to look to you for guidance. Help her to open up and learn to help herself.

Things that make you go hmmmm...

Stephanie dropped a bit of a bombshell today... she wants to find an apprenticeship as a tattoo artist...excuse me?? A what?? And she's sent art work to a few studios in Adelaide and has been asked to come in and see one on Thursday. What?? Hmmmm.

I'm not sure what to think. Like I said. Hmmm. As you can see by the sample below, she can certainly draw... but drawing on people? Hmmm.

Steph has always had a fascination with tattoos. But I never realised she was considering it as a career option. I've always thought of tattoos as being a bit...well...dark and sinister. I know there are lots of prominent Christians who have them. And they aren't just the brand of bikie gangs anymore...but still. Hmmm.

I responded in the supportive parent method of response... told her that if thats what she really wants to do then chase that dream but I'm still picturing my little girl surrounded by big burly blokes wearing leather. She has been to the place where she has her interview on Thursday, and assures me that most of their clientele are students and young women. Really? Seriously? Am I that out of touch???

Anyway. In other news she is still persisting with the boyfriend. They almost broke up yesterday, which I'm afraid to admit I was happy about. She has coloured her hair now because he likes girls with dark hair. Puhlease. I just want to slap her.

Dear Lord, I pray that whatever path Stephanie takes in life that she will take her along with you. I know she is feeling lost at the moment, and feels that things keep going wrong for her, please let her feel your presence and your love. Help her be strong enough to do what is right for her. Please watch over her as she recovers from her cold. Amen.

Catch up

Hello!

We've just spent a few days with Steph in her new little apartment. It's a lovely little one bedroom with polished floors in a beautiful old restored home. She loves it, has a lot more space than her previous one, which probably means she will make a lot more mess!

Our first day was spent helping Steph unpack and get her new apartment sorted. I've no idea how all her "stuff" fitted into her previous, much smaller unit. And then we had some nice girl time, getting hair done, catching up with friends for lunch and doing some shopping.

Thursday Steph's car was booked in to have a sensor replaced which was causing her engine to cut unexpectedly (not good in city traffic!). So Kym and took her car to the repairer and I took ours to go pick him up. Steph had mentioned that her car was starting to sound "like a aeroplane taking off" and after driving it Kym thought it was more like a jumbo jet. So after having the sensor fitted we rang our mechanic at home and he recommended someone to take the car to in Adelaide. We are so thankful that this was a specialist in Steph's problem (differential) and he was able to fit the car in right away (making a special allowance for us because we wanted to get it fixed for Steph before we went home). He thought it would take until late Friday. We were planning to go home Friday morning so extending that to Friday afternoon was ok. Ended up taking until Saturday morning to be finished but we were just thankful to have it done. Cost a fortune but the fact that we went to someone who specialised in the problem and was able to take care of it right away is definately evidence of the Lord going before us!

So Kym and I ended up going to visit Steph at work, and having her wait on us, always fun! It was lovely for me to see her at work, obviously enjoying herself. Finding a job is wonderful, but finding one she enjoys is an added bonus. Thankyou Lord!

As for the boyfriend, we never laid eyes on him. He didn't come visit Steph while we were there because he overheard a conversation Kym had with Steph where Kym told her he didn't think she should continue with the relationship. I feel a little bad that his feelings have been hurt but it doesn't change the fact that we don't think he is good for her.

Today is a day of washing and resting ready for the working week which I'm pretty sure I'm not going to enjoy. There are issues to be addressed at work and not sure how to go about that yet.

What do you do when you don't like your daughters boyfriend??

Because I really do. not. like. him.

He makes promises he doesn't keep. He borrows money from her and doesn't repay. He uses her car and computer like it's his own. And (this is the big one) he puts her down.

My hackles are up. I'm gritting my teeth. The mumma bear is coming out, and she may just go for the jugular.

I've told her what I think. She says when they are getting along the relationship is really good. And he always apologises, and says he was only joking, and she needs to toughen up and not get offended so easily. She doesn't want to break up with him. Doesn't feel she is strong enough to handle a break up. She feels responsible for him because he has no money because his parents aren't as supportive as hers. And that's the way he treats her, like she's his mother. He whinges and complains when she says no to him, demands money and then sulks when she doesn't have any.

So what am I supposed to do???

I've told her what I think she should do. I've told her that she deserves to be treated with respect and that she deserves to have her feelings taken into account. She says I'm over reacting, and he's not that bad. I don't think I am.

The difficult thing now, is that I've said my piece, and I don't think I can't keep saying it or she may stop talking to me.

So I shall pray. Unceasingly. Constantly. And trust that God will sort her out.

In other news...Steph got offered a job yesterday as a waitress (which is something she loves to do). She has her first training shift today. So that is an answer to prayer!

Of course I'm worried that the more money she has, the more he will mooch off her.

Dear Lord,
Please be with Steph today as she begins her new job. Help her understand all that she is being taught and really enjoy the experience. Help her come to the right decision about her relationship with Alex. Let her have the wisdom and courage to do what is right for her. In your precious name, Amen.

God's Wisdom

Funny but my devotionals of late have had a lot to say about wisdom, faith, and patience. Coincidence? I doubt it.

I AM waiting...just not very patiently. I have asked for wisdom but don't feel very wise!

Today I read that I need to drop anchor. I can't vacillate between the world's opinions and the Lord's wisdom. If I don't anchor myself on God's promise that He will give me His wisdom then I will be blown about by others thoughts, opinions and feelings.

That's a bit of a light bulb moment for me. Ok, I've been asking for wisdom, but I don't really think that I've been anchoring myself on God's promise that He will provide it.

So that's my challenge today. To ask for wisdom and have the faith to believe that I will receive it.

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways. James 1 6-8.

Let him ask in faith, with no doubting...

No easy answers...

I have been waiting on the Lord, and praying and waiting and praying and waiting and I'm getting frustrated. Which I'm pretty sure isn't the message the Lord is trying to give me but that's my reality.

If you aren't up to reading a big grumble session you have my permission to stop reading now, because I just want to get it all off my chest...

Firstly I don't want to live here anymore. I don't feel this community (as tight knit and wonderful as it is) is the place for my kids to get the education they need (Steph is already in Adelaide) and I'm not ready to let them go. Scott is in year 10 and is really bright and our little school just isn't engaging him, catering to him, challenging him or giving him the choices to inspire him. I'm fed up with being a farmers wife (even though we've had a couple of good years now, doesn't mean that will continue and I'm over the uncertainty). I'm fed up with working full time and feeling under valued and under paid.

The thing is, this is where Kym is happy. And the reality is that I am more likely to put up and shut up than he is, and a miserable Sharon is infinitely more bearable than a miserable Kym. I have always been the compromiser and I don't see how I can stop that now. I don't even know how to approach the subject, and frankly I see little point.

I just feel stuck. I can't afford to stop working unless we re work the partnership of the farm so that we are no longer in partnership with Kym's brother. The way we are set up now is that we draw a wage from the business and that is all. So even though on paper we have lots of assets and lots of turnover, the reality is that we live on a meagre wage. And that means I have to work. Especially while we are supporting a child studying 700km from home.

So put up and shut up I shall. Except here. Here I will say what I think and feel!

Like I said I don't have any answers. I will just keep praying and waiting on the Lord. And maybe I'll learn some patience and wisdom. Stranger things have happened.

Dear Lord, if this is the place that you want me then please help me accept it. If it's not give me the courage to change it. Please help Stephanie find a job to supplement her income and help her move toward supporting herself. Please help us make a decision about Scott's schooling next year. Amen.

Missing Church

This morning I made the decision to skip church.

I don't take that decision lightly, as it often leaves me feeling empty and that's not a great way to start the week.

But today I just need some time at home. Working full time and keeping up with a family can be pretty difficult at times and sometimes I just need to stop.

Having said that, after I get off the computer I will be spending some time in prayer and reading the Lords word. Which is wonderful (and something I have been trying REALLY hard to do every day) but for me nothing compares to singing for the joy of the Lord while in worship. I just love it. Perhaps I can sing while I read and pray! Hmmm. Now there's a challenge.

Update...Steph felt her interview on Friday went well. Just the waiting game now to find out if she has been successful...I'm not good at waiting. In the meantime she is still applying for other jobs so keep praying.

Sharon.

Life's Rollercoaster

As I shared last year, my 18 year old daughter has left home this year to go study at university.

Well it's June now, and what a ride we've been on...hoping for some calmer seas soon!

She started her course, seemed to be coping with the study load and adjusting to living in the city ok. I relaxed a little.

In March she went to a music festival. Not her first, I wasn't alarmed but was a little concerned as most parents would be. She met up with a friend there who she met a few months ago. He was a local lad from here but had moved away and joined the police force. Big sigh of relief from me, she was at a music festival with a policeman. Perfect.

Not so perfect it would seem. Without going into the gory details he got horribly drunk and attempted to take advantage of her, she came out of the incident bruised, battered and terribly ashamed and embarresed. He didn't succeed, she may be small but she has a fair amount of fight in her.... We were left feeling angry, upset, betrayed and I can't imagine how much worse those feelings were for her. She reported him, he was "disciplined" within the police force but they couldn't take it any further as Steph really didn't want to testify against him..she just wanted it to all go away.

She came home for a week. Recollected herself. Had some counselling, and back into her uni course. All seemed to settle down again for a while.

Then along came mid semester break and a phone call saying she doesn't want to study this course anymore. She was doing acupuncture and the mere sight of the acupuncture needle made her feel ill...perhaps not the best career choice! So she decided to quit and search for a job and work for a while, while she assessed what she wanted to do next.

Find a job. Sounded simple enough. NOT. She has administration, waitressing and bar tending experience, surely that would be enough? It would appear not.

Finally in the middle of May she seemed to catch a break. She was asked to come in for a days trial as a receptionist at an accounting firm. She did that, they said they liked her and to come back the next day. She took that to mean she had the job and worked happily the entire week, delighted to have finally found a job. On the Friday of that week, at 5pm she was told not to come in anymore. They didn't tell her she had done anything wrong, didn't offer any feedback and didn't pay her. She was distraught and devastated. Time for Mum to step in with a very stern (but polite) email. They replied saying that they decided to extend the trial from a day to a week (without telling her thats what they were doing) and as for the reason she wasn't successful they said they weren't prepared to discuss that. Excuse me? How is a young person supposed to improve if you don't tell them what they are doing wrong? My response wasn't quite so polite, but did result in them paying her for the work she did.

Along comes the end of May and a very bored and jobless Stephanie starts looking seriously into what she loves to do and what careers that could lead to. She found and signed up for a Diploma of Commercial Art (Graphic Design) and started that course on the 13th of June...all going well so far...

We had a long weekend in June so Steph came home and brought her new boyfriend. He seems nice enough...not a Christian...sigh. Anyway, they went to Port Lincoln for the a football carnival that is held there every year. And guess what. They were attacked by a group of individuals for no apparent reason, out of no where. Alex was knocked to the ground and concussed, Steph was punched in the face and ended up with a fat lip and a bruise that made her look like Hitler. Again the assault was reported but with no names or witnesses there wasn't much that could be done. A very cross and indignant Stephanie went back to Adelaide.

Yesterday she finally found a job at McDonalds. She is less than thrilled about working there but the need to work seems to have over ridden any misgivings she had about working for them (heard lots of bad stuff from friends about how hard the job is and how little you get paid).

Tomorrow at 2pm she has a job interview for what sounds like a fantastic opportunity for her. It's an art administration traineeship, which involves co-ordinating and promoting art to youth in the local government area. She has already had one interview for this job and has now been called in for a second interview. She has been told she has a "good chance" of getting it, and that she is up against 4 other people, which isn't bad odds.

With so much having gone wrong so far this year, I'm loathe to get my hopes up...

Dear Lord, please be with Stephanie tomorrow as she attends the job interview. Let them see her potential and give her the confidence to sell herself and show them that she would be great for the job. This would mean so much to her and lift her spirits and self esteem so much. Please be with her. Amen.

Technologically Challenged

Many who have teens in their home will relate to my dilemma.

Scott (who is 16) like most teenagers is addicted to technology. And I don't say that lightly. I think he really is addicted. Which makes dealing with the issue all that more difficult.

I watch his comments and monitor his friends on facebook so I know he's not unsafe but that doesn't make him any less addicted.

And now that facebook is so easily accessed on phones, ipods it's pretty hard to escape it.

He doesn't sleep well and I'm SURE it's because he is over stimulated.

But what to do? This thing has crept into our home insidiously. I monitored what he was doing, but not how much. And with a stubborn, indignant 16 year old it's going to be pretty hard to put some time limits on him. He doesn't see that it's for his own good, he will see it as a punishment.

So if anyone has some brilliant ideas on how to go about making a cantankerous 16 year old see what is good for him then let me know!

Lord, please help me find the right words and the right time to talk to Scott about his facebook addiction. He needs to let his mind rest and understand that he doesn't need constant stimulation, or to be constantly in touch with his friends. Help me put some measures in place for his benefit and help him see that it is for his benefit, and not a punishment. Amen.

Re Focus

Good evening all in Blogland :)

I have decided to re focus and switch to more blogging and less facebooking...

So...onto todays blog.

I'm a bit all over the place at the moment, physically, spiritually, mentally. I'm tired. Tired of being the only Christian in my house. Tired of defending my faith. Tired of going to church alone. Just tired.

Stephanie is now living in Adelaide, studying a Diploma of Commercial Art and has been trying to find a job for the past six months. She's getting disheartened and so am I. She's had a rough introduction to city living, lost her purse, been assaulted, and been taken advantage of by an unscrupulous employer. I know I'm supposed to hand her over to the Lord but she is making decisions that I don't agree with and I'm finding it so very hard to let her make her own mistakes. It would all be SO much easier if she would accept the Lord and let Him guide her. But Stephanie has never taken the easy path. My great fear for her is that the Lord will have to completely break her to bring her home...is that even rational?

Anyway... I would much appreciate advice, prayer, anything that you think might help.

Sharon.