I have been waiting on the Lord, and praying and waiting and praying and waiting and I'm getting frustrated. Which I'm pretty sure isn't the message the Lord is trying to give me but that's my reality.
If you aren't up to reading a big grumble session you have my permission to stop reading now, because I just want to get it all off my chest...
Firstly I don't want to live here anymore. I don't feel this community (as tight knit and wonderful as it is) is the place for my kids to get the education they need (Steph is already in Adelaide) and I'm not ready to let them go. Scott is in year 10 and is really bright and our little school just isn't engaging him, catering to him, challenging him or giving him the choices to inspire him. I'm fed up with being a farmers wife (even though we've had a couple of good years now, doesn't mean that will continue and I'm over the uncertainty). I'm fed up with working full time and feeling under valued and under paid.
The thing is, this is where Kym is happy. And the reality is that I am more likely to put up and shut up than he is, and a miserable Sharon is infinitely more bearable than a miserable Kym. I have always been the compromiser and I don't see how I can stop that now. I don't even know how to approach the subject, and frankly I see little point.
I just feel stuck. I can't afford to stop working unless we re work the partnership of the farm so that we are no longer in partnership with Kym's brother. The way we are set up now is that we draw a wage from the business and that is all. So even though on paper we have lots of assets and lots of turnover, the reality is that we live on a meagre wage. And that means I have to work. Especially while we are supporting a child studying 700km from home.
So put up and shut up I shall. Except here. Here I will say what I think and feel!
Like I said I don't have any answers. I will just keep praying and waiting on the Lord. And maybe I'll learn some patience and wisdom. Stranger things have happened.
Dear Lord, if this is the place that you want me then please help me accept it. If it's not give me the courage to change it. Please help Stephanie find a job to supplement her income and help her move toward supporting herself. Please help us make a decision about Scott's schooling next year. Amen.
Friday, July 1, 2011
No easy answers...
Posted by HisPrincess at 6:37 PM
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6 valued opinions!:
I hear you... can't really imagine being a farmers wife even though I was a farmers daughter!
Maybe try counting your blessings instead of focussing on the negatives... sometimes this helps things to fall into perspective for me.
An old phrase my mum uses frequently and i have tried to adopt as it really works... is "in acceptance lies peace" ... a real challenge.
Will be praying for you and yours.. you are such a faithful wife and mum Sharon and sometimes life is jolly hard when you feel torn.
L
Sharon,
I understand that frustration of being in a spot in life that you just plain don't want to be in...yet there is little wiggle room. I'm sorry. I pray that God will give you peace and contentment in this place. He knows your frustration and He is not ignoring you, I promise.
thanks Leah and Lynette... Coming back to blogging helps :)
Wow! You're sharing a bit of my life from a city perspective - though I don't work (partly that people don't want to hire someone who home educated their children for 20+ years and partly because I'm "stuck" and have issues to work through). And, it's terribly hard to let go of our children, but I'm learning I can't "make" their life what I hope it would be.
At first, I felt sorry for you as I read what you shared and then... I laughed, because we're a work in progress as God's got each of us right where He needs us to be. I love what L (I think it's Lynnette) said, "in acceptance lies peace". IT IS A HUGE CHALLENGE!
My neighbors are driving me crazy and I long for the peace and quiet of the country... But, I'm also torn too. I want to move, but I don't want to lose this life either. I need His peace.
Love you dear friend! So happy you're back in blog land and as I struggle, I shall be reminded you are too and will pray for us both!
thanks Joanie. Perhaps we should swap locations for a whie! Feeling a little better this morning but think I need to find a way to express how I feel to the family...not sure how to go about that.
Will be praying for God's wisdom and words for you to share with the family... It's never easy, but thankfully He is with you and you're not alone.
I would LOVE to swap places for a while - but I'd rather have you there to enjoy my time with and then have you come here and we can enjoy more time together!
Not sure that would really be what either of us are "searching" for, but we'd have a great time. :)
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