No easy answers...

I have been waiting on the Lord, and praying and waiting and praying and waiting and I'm getting frustrated. Which I'm pretty sure isn't the message the Lord is trying to give me but that's my reality.

If you aren't up to reading a big grumble session you have my permission to stop reading now, because I just want to get it all off my chest...

Firstly I don't want to live here anymore. I don't feel this community (as tight knit and wonderful as it is) is the place for my kids to get the education they need (Steph is already in Adelaide) and I'm not ready to let them go. Scott is in year 10 and is really bright and our little school just isn't engaging him, catering to him, challenging him or giving him the choices to inspire him. I'm fed up with being a farmers wife (even though we've had a couple of good years now, doesn't mean that will continue and I'm over the uncertainty). I'm fed up with working full time and feeling under valued and under paid.

The thing is, this is where Kym is happy. And the reality is that I am more likely to put up and shut up than he is, and a miserable Sharon is infinitely more bearable than a miserable Kym. I have always been the compromiser and I don't see how I can stop that now. I don't even know how to approach the subject, and frankly I see little point.

I just feel stuck. I can't afford to stop working unless we re work the partnership of the farm so that we are no longer in partnership with Kym's brother. The way we are set up now is that we draw a wage from the business and that is all. So even though on paper we have lots of assets and lots of turnover, the reality is that we live on a meagre wage. And that means I have to work. Especially while we are supporting a child studying 700km from home.

So put up and shut up I shall. Except here. Here I will say what I think and feel!

Like I said I don't have any answers. I will just keep praying and waiting on the Lord. And maybe I'll learn some patience and wisdom. Stranger things have happened.

Dear Lord, if this is the place that you want me then please help me accept it. If it's not give me the courage to change it. Please help Stephanie find a job to supplement her income and help her move toward supporting herself. Please help us make a decision about Scott's schooling next year. Amen.

Missing Church

This morning I made the decision to skip church.

I don't take that decision lightly, as it often leaves me feeling empty and that's not a great way to start the week.

But today I just need some time at home. Working full time and keeping up with a family can be pretty difficult at times and sometimes I just need to stop.

Having said that, after I get off the computer I will be spending some time in prayer and reading the Lords word. Which is wonderful (and something I have been trying REALLY hard to do every day) but for me nothing compares to singing for the joy of the Lord while in worship. I just love it. Perhaps I can sing while I read and pray! Hmmm. Now there's a challenge.

Update...Steph felt her interview on Friday went well. Just the waiting game now to find out if she has been successful...I'm not good at waiting. In the meantime she is still applying for other jobs so keep praying.

Sharon.

Life's Rollercoaster

As I shared last year, my 18 year old daughter has left home this year to go study at university.

Well it's June now, and what a ride we've been on...hoping for some calmer seas soon!

She started her course, seemed to be coping with the study load and adjusting to living in the city ok. I relaxed a little.

In March she went to a music festival. Not her first, I wasn't alarmed but was a little concerned as most parents would be. She met up with a friend there who she met a few months ago. He was a local lad from here but had moved away and joined the police force. Big sigh of relief from me, she was at a music festival with a policeman. Perfect.

Not so perfect it would seem. Without going into the gory details he got horribly drunk and attempted to take advantage of her, she came out of the incident bruised, battered and terribly ashamed and embarresed. He didn't succeed, she may be small but she has a fair amount of fight in her.... We were left feeling angry, upset, betrayed and I can't imagine how much worse those feelings were for her. She reported him, he was "disciplined" within the police force but they couldn't take it any further as Steph really didn't want to testify against him..she just wanted it to all go away.

She came home for a week. Recollected herself. Had some counselling, and back into her uni course. All seemed to settle down again for a while.

Then along came mid semester break and a phone call saying she doesn't want to study this course anymore. She was doing acupuncture and the mere sight of the acupuncture needle made her feel ill...perhaps not the best career choice! So she decided to quit and search for a job and work for a while, while she assessed what she wanted to do next.

Find a job. Sounded simple enough. NOT. She has administration, waitressing and bar tending experience, surely that would be enough? It would appear not.

Finally in the middle of May she seemed to catch a break. She was asked to come in for a days trial as a receptionist at an accounting firm. She did that, they said they liked her and to come back the next day. She took that to mean she had the job and worked happily the entire week, delighted to have finally found a job. On the Friday of that week, at 5pm she was told not to come in anymore. They didn't tell her she had done anything wrong, didn't offer any feedback and didn't pay her. She was distraught and devastated. Time for Mum to step in with a very stern (but polite) email. They replied saying that they decided to extend the trial from a day to a week (without telling her thats what they were doing) and as for the reason she wasn't successful they said they weren't prepared to discuss that. Excuse me? How is a young person supposed to improve if you don't tell them what they are doing wrong? My response wasn't quite so polite, but did result in them paying her for the work she did.

Along comes the end of May and a very bored and jobless Stephanie starts looking seriously into what she loves to do and what careers that could lead to. She found and signed up for a Diploma of Commercial Art (Graphic Design) and started that course on the 13th of June...all going well so far...

We had a long weekend in June so Steph came home and brought her new boyfriend. He seems nice enough...not a Christian...sigh. Anyway, they went to Port Lincoln for the a football carnival that is held there every year. And guess what. They were attacked by a group of individuals for no apparent reason, out of no where. Alex was knocked to the ground and concussed, Steph was punched in the face and ended up with a fat lip and a bruise that made her look like Hitler. Again the assault was reported but with no names or witnesses there wasn't much that could be done. A very cross and indignant Stephanie went back to Adelaide.

Yesterday she finally found a job at McDonalds. She is less than thrilled about working there but the need to work seems to have over ridden any misgivings she had about working for them (heard lots of bad stuff from friends about how hard the job is and how little you get paid).

Tomorrow at 2pm she has a job interview for what sounds like a fantastic opportunity for her. It's an art administration traineeship, which involves co-ordinating and promoting art to youth in the local government area. She has already had one interview for this job and has now been called in for a second interview. She has been told she has a "good chance" of getting it, and that she is up against 4 other people, which isn't bad odds.

With so much having gone wrong so far this year, I'm loathe to get my hopes up...

Dear Lord, please be with Stephanie tomorrow as she attends the job interview. Let them see her potential and give her the confidence to sell herself and show them that she would be great for the job. This would mean so much to her and lift her spirits and self esteem so much. Please be with her. Amen.

Technologically Challenged

Many who have teens in their home will relate to my dilemma.

Scott (who is 16) like most teenagers is addicted to technology. And I don't say that lightly. I think he really is addicted. Which makes dealing with the issue all that more difficult.

I watch his comments and monitor his friends on facebook so I know he's not unsafe but that doesn't make him any less addicted.

And now that facebook is so easily accessed on phones, ipods it's pretty hard to escape it.

He doesn't sleep well and I'm SURE it's because he is over stimulated.

But what to do? This thing has crept into our home insidiously. I monitored what he was doing, but not how much. And with a stubborn, indignant 16 year old it's going to be pretty hard to put some time limits on him. He doesn't see that it's for his own good, he will see it as a punishment.

So if anyone has some brilliant ideas on how to go about making a cantankerous 16 year old see what is good for him then let me know!

Lord, please help me find the right words and the right time to talk to Scott about his facebook addiction. He needs to let his mind rest and understand that he doesn't need constant stimulation, or to be constantly in touch with his friends. Help me put some measures in place for his benefit and help him see that it is for his benefit, and not a punishment. Amen.

Re Focus

Good evening all in Blogland :)

I have decided to re focus and switch to more blogging and less facebooking...

So...onto todays blog.

I'm a bit all over the place at the moment, physically, spiritually, mentally. I'm tired. Tired of being the only Christian in my house. Tired of defending my faith. Tired of going to church alone. Just tired.

Stephanie is now living in Adelaide, studying a Diploma of Commercial Art and has been trying to find a job for the past six months. She's getting disheartened and so am I. She's had a rough introduction to city living, lost her purse, been assaulted, and been taken advantage of by an unscrupulous employer. I know I'm supposed to hand her over to the Lord but she is making decisions that I don't agree with and I'm finding it so very hard to let her make her own mistakes. It would all be SO much easier if she would accept the Lord and let Him guide her. But Stephanie has never taken the easy path. My great fear for her is that the Lord will have to completely break her to bring her home...is that even rational?

Anyway... I would much appreciate advice, prayer, anything that you think might help.

Sharon.

Let Down

I'm feeling really flat this morning. I'm not entirely sure why but for some reason I feel overwhelmed and close to tears. Like it's not going to take much to send me over the edge.

Stephanie's facebook status this morning is gleefully telling the world that it's 48 days until she moves to Adelaide. I'm thinking that could have something to do with it.

I'm also feeling the downside of having a daughter who shares everything with you. There are some things I just don't really want to know. She has been talking to a new boy (guess I should call him a man, they are all adults now...SIGH...) I could tell she really liked him by the way that she talked about him and how MUCH she talked about him. I think it was fair to assume the feeling was mutual since he rang her every day twice a day. They live 200km apart so up until yesterday they had only really spoken via text and phone. She has met him but as a friend of a friend.

She spent the day with him yesterday and came away feeling a bit dissappointed. She gets the feeling that he isn't over his ex girlfriend and isn't sure she wants to get involved for fear of getting hurt. But I can tell she really likes him. So now she is waiting for the phone to ring. And not really sure what she should do or what he wants to do.

Now if I had a NORMAL teenager I would be blissfully unaware that any of this is happening! Because on the surface she is business as usual. And to be honest I'm really not sure why it's affected me this way. Steph has had breakups and disappointments before but it's never got me down too much. Perhaps it's that coupled with the knowledge that she is leaving, and next year I will be unaware of what she is thinking and feeling because she won't physically be here.

I don't know. All I can say is that I'm not feeling particularly Merry this Christmas eve....

Lord, please watch over Stephanie. Guide her thoughts and her actions. Guide this young man also, encourage him to do the right thing and not leave her hanging and let her know where she stands. Please watch over her when she leaves home. Give her the strength and the confidence and the commitment she needs to fulfill her dreams and help her to be everthything you made her to be.

Harvest Frustrations

Harvest is fast becoming an exercise in frustration for the Bates (and many other families) family this year. Usually by this time of year the harvest is well under way, some people are even near finishing.

Not this year.

This year we have been blessed with a wetter than usual winter and spring. And after several years of drought this has been a huge blessing indeed.

But it has continued to be wet. Note the ominous clouds in the picture above. In the past three weeks we have been able to harvest for three days. It's become so wet now that our beautiful crops are in danger or re shooting, rotting, or just simply falling over. Barley in particular is notorious for breaking and ending up on the ground where it can't be retrieved.

We have had two dry days so far this week, and the weather forecast is for dry weather to continue for the next few days. We haven't been able to resume harvest as yet as the grain has to dry out to be below 12% moisture before it can be sold.

So here's hoping for a dry few weeks!!


Lord, thank you so much for the amazing crops we have been blessed with this year. I pray now that the weather will hold to enable the harvest to continue. Amen.