....

Couldn't come up with a title. No idea what I'm going to chat about, just thought I would start typing and see what comes out...this should be interesting...

Been feeling a bit low just lately (you may have noticed that). Not feeling particularly worthy or a very good Christian. I feel like that a lot...

Last night I practiced with some fantastic people for worship tomorrow. I'm worship leading a combined service which is kind of a big deal for me. I'm feeling a bit out of my comfort zone. I've song lead for a large congregation before, but not actually worship lead...as in have to do something other than sing.

And I thought singing was all I was going to be doing this time. But our ministers wife (who is an awesome singer, and is singing with me) put me on the spot a bit. Firstly she suggested that I do the call to worship and welcome. That's cool. I can manage that. Then half way through practice she thought one of the songs would be enhanced with a prayer in the middle of that...and Sharon are you able to do that? Um...what? I'm struggling to pray for myself let alone pray publicly. I already feel like a fraud for having the audacity to lead worship with singing let alone praying, out loud, in front of 100 odd people, with a microphone. hmmm

I like to plan things and be organised. But I feel pressured to just come up with something and not have it written down. It's freaking me out just a tad.

On the up side, singing worship songs last night really did give me a lift. Momentarily. Not sure what my problem is. I feel like I need to give myself a good slap.

Dear Lord, please help me get over whatever my problem is at the moment. Please be with Stephanie as she deals with continuing issues in her life, help her to think before she speaks and to remember always that she is your Princess. Actually help me to remember that too. Please be with me tomorrow as I lead worship. Help me to remember that it's all about you and any misgivings or failings that I have will be more than made up for with your grace. Amen.

I can feel myself slipping again...

I've long had a tendency to let things get on top of me and fall into a bit of a hole.

And it has a whole lot to do with how much time I'm spending with the Lord, and where I'm sitting with my faith. At the moment the answer to the above is none at all (time with the Lord) and shakey (faith).

I've been actively encouraging Steph to turn to the Lord lately, more so than I ever have before. And I have to admit that makes me feel like a bit of a hypocrite. Because I'm not exactly practising what I'm preaching. And to be completey honest I can feel my faith slipping away. I'm wondering and questioning and just plain frustrated.

Obviously the answer to all this is to pray. But that just makes me feel hyprocritical again. Sigh.

Learning Experience

Well! Yesterday was quite the learning experience for Steph.

She went to the tattoo studio for work experience. They forgot she was coming and were in the middle of renovating so got her to help with that. She was happy to do that, doesn't mind doing a bit of painting.

All was going well until lunch when the alcohol came out. She thought that odd to be drinking at work, and declined the offer to join them. Then things really went downhill. Out came marijuana, cocaine (which Steph had never even seen before), and some pills which she had no idea what they were. They offered to share and thought she was an extremely strange girl to decline. Afterall everyone does it....ummmm.....no. Not everybody.

Needless to say she was out of there as soon as she could. And she isn't going back.

So...that brought back the "why me" factor. Why does everything bad happen to me. Why doesn't anything good ever happen.

And she is back together with the boyfriend. Just fabulous.

On Saturday she has an appointment with a counsellor. I'm really hoping and praying that it will help.

Lord, please help Steph sort herself out. Help her to look to you for guidance. Help her to open up and learn to help herself.

Things that make you go hmmmm...

Stephanie dropped a bit of a bombshell today... she wants to find an apprenticeship as a tattoo artist...excuse me?? A what?? And she's sent art work to a few studios in Adelaide and has been asked to come in and see one on Thursday. What?? Hmmmm.

I'm not sure what to think. Like I said. Hmmm. As you can see by the sample below, she can certainly draw... but drawing on people? Hmmm.

Steph has always had a fascination with tattoos. But I never realised she was considering it as a career option. I've always thought of tattoos as being a bit...well...dark and sinister. I know there are lots of prominent Christians who have them. And they aren't just the brand of bikie gangs anymore...but still. Hmmm.

I responded in the supportive parent method of response... told her that if thats what she really wants to do then chase that dream but I'm still picturing my little girl surrounded by big burly blokes wearing leather. She has been to the place where she has her interview on Thursday, and assures me that most of their clientele are students and young women. Really? Seriously? Am I that out of touch???

Anyway. In other news she is still persisting with the boyfriend. They almost broke up yesterday, which I'm afraid to admit I was happy about. She has coloured her hair now because he likes girls with dark hair. Puhlease. I just want to slap her.

Dear Lord, I pray that whatever path Stephanie takes in life that she will take her along with you. I know she is feeling lost at the moment, and feels that things keep going wrong for her, please let her feel your presence and your love. Help her be strong enough to do what is right for her. Please watch over her as she recovers from her cold. Amen.

Catch up

Hello!

We've just spent a few days with Steph in her new little apartment. It's a lovely little one bedroom with polished floors in a beautiful old restored home. She loves it, has a lot more space than her previous one, which probably means she will make a lot more mess!

Our first day was spent helping Steph unpack and get her new apartment sorted. I've no idea how all her "stuff" fitted into her previous, much smaller unit. And then we had some nice girl time, getting hair done, catching up with friends for lunch and doing some shopping.

Thursday Steph's car was booked in to have a sensor replaced which was causing her engine to cut unexpectedly (not good in city traffic!). So Kym and took her car to the repairer and I took ours to go pick him up. Steph had mentioned that her car was starting to sound "like a aeroplane taking off" and after driving it Kym thought it was more like a jumbo jet. So after having the sensor fitted we rang our mechanic at home and he recommended someone to take the car to in Adelaide. We are so thankful that this was a specialist in Steph's problem (differential) and he was able to fit the car in right away (making a special allowance for us because we wanted to get it fixed for Steph before we went home). He thought it would take until late Friday. We were planning to go home Friday morning so extending that to Friday afternoon was ok. Ended up taking until Saturday morning to be finished but we were just thankful to have it done. Cost a fortune but the fact that we went to someone who specialised in the problem and was able to take care of it right away is definately evidence of the Lord going before us!

So Kym and I ended up going to visit Steph at work, and having her wait on us, always fun! It was lovely for me to see her at work, obviously enjoying herself. Finding a job is wonderful, but finding one she enjoys is an added bonus. Thankyou Lord!

As for the boyfriend, we never laid eyes on him. He didn't come visit Steph while we were there because he overheard a conversation Kym had with Steph where Kym told her he didn't think she should continue with the relationship. I feel a little bad that his feelings have been hurt but it doesn't change the fact that we don't think he is good for her.

Today is a day of washing and resting ready for the working week which I'm pretty sure I'm not going to enjoy. There are issues to be addressed at work and not sure how to go about that yet.

What do you do when you don't like your daughters boyfriend??

Because I really do. not. like. him.

He makes promises he doesn't keep. He borrows money from her and doesn't repay. He uses her car and computer like it's his own. And (this is the big one) he puts her down.

My hackles are up. I'm gritting my teeth. The mumma bear is coming out, and she may just go for the jugular.

I've told her what I think. She says when they are getting along the relationship is really good. And he always apologises, and says he was only joking, and she needs to toughen up and not get offended so easily. She doesn't want to break up with him. Doesn't feel she is strong enough to handle a break up. She feels responsible for him because he has no money because his parents aren't as supportive as hers. And that's the way he treats her, like she's his mother. He whinges and complains when she says no to him, demands money and then sulks when she doesn't have any.

So what am I supposed to do???

I've told her what I think she should do. I've told her that she deserves to be treated with respect and that she deserves to have her feelings taken into account. She says I'm over reacting, and he's not that bad. I don't think I am.

The difficult thing now, is that I've said my piece, and I don't think I can't keep saying it or she may stop talking to me.

So I shall pray. Unceasingly. Constantly. And trust that God will sort her out.

In other news...Steph got offered a job yesterday as a waitress (which is something she loves to do). She has her first training shift today. So that is an answer to prayer!

Of course I'm worried that the more money she has, the more he will mooch off her.

Dear Lord,
Please be with Steph today as she begins her new job. Help her understand all that she is being taught and really enjoy the experience. Help her come to the right decision about her relationship with Alex. Let her have the wisdom and courage to do what is right for her. In your precious name, Amen.

God's Wisdom

Funny but my devotionals of late have had a lot to say about wisdom, faith, and patience. Coincidence? I doubt it.

I AM waiting...just not very patiently. I have asked for wisdom but don't feel very wise!

Today I read that I need to drop anchor. I can't vacillate between the world's opinions and the Lord's wisdom. If I don't anchor myself on God's promise that He will give me His wisdom then I will be blown about by others thoughts, opinions and feelings.

That's a bit of a light bulb moment for me. Ok, I've been asking for wisdom, but I don't really think that I've been anchoring myself on God's promise that He will provide it.

So that's my challenge today. To ask for wisdom and have the faith to believe that I will receive it.

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways. James 1 6-8.

Let him ask in faith, with no doubting...