I know He watches over me

Blessings

2011-09-21T15:16:00.003+09:30

How things can change in the space of a week.

This year has been a major rollercoaster ride for me, and this week is a peak!

Stephanie arrived home on Monday afternoon, and I've slept so well and am feeling so rested now. Amazing how well you sleep when both your kids are safe and well and under the same roof as you!

Steph seems in a good place at the moment. She has been seeing a counsellor that she really likes and feels that it's helping her. She has come off her anti depressants (under supervision) and other than some side effects of feeling sick and dizzy is doing pretty well.

It's just such a joy to have her home. On Monday night Kym tucked her in and gave her a kiss goodnight...she loved it. Really means a lot to her when her Dad shows affection. They've always been close but I think being apart has strengthened that. They are spending today out in the boat fishing which is a passtime they both love. Yesterday we had a girls lunch and Steph had her hair done and tomorrow she is visiting friends so she is having a restful and relaxing week catching up with those she loves.

There will still be peaks and troughs with this girl. I know that. But for the moment I'm going to enjoy the peak while it lasts.

....

2011-09-17T19:01:00.002+09:30

Couldn't come up with a title. No idea what I'm going to chat about, just thought I would start typing and see what comes out...this should be interesting...

Been feeling a bit low just lately (you may have noticed that). Not feeling particularly worthy or a very good Christian. I feel like that a lot...

Last night I practiced with some fantastic people for worship tomorrow. I'm worship leading a combined service which is kind of a big deal for me. I'm feeling a bit out of my comfort zone. I've song lead for a large congregation before, but not actually worship lead...as in have to do something other than sing.

And I thought singing was all I was going to be doing this time. But our ministers wife (who is an awesome singer, and is singing with me) put me on the spot a bit. Firstly she suggested that I do the call to worship and welcome. That's cool. I can manage that. Then half way through practice she thought one of the songs would be enhanced with a prayer in the middle of that...and Sharon are you able to do that? Um...what? I'm struggling to pray for myself let alone pray publicly. I already feel like a fraud for having the audacity to lead worship with singing let alone praying, out loud, in front of 100 odd people, with a microphone. hmmm

I like to plan things and be organised. But I feel pressured to just come up with something and not have it written down. It's freaking me out just a tad.

On the up side, singing worship songs last night really did give me a lift. Momentarily. Not sure what my problem is. I feel like I need to give myself a good slap.

Dear Lord, please help me get over whatever my problem is at the moment. Please be with Stephanie as she deals with continuing issues in her life, help her to think before she speaks and to remember always that she is your Princess. Actually help me to remember that too. Please be with me tomorrow as I lead worship. Help me to remember that it's all about you and any misgivings or failings that I have will be more than made up for with your grace. Amen.

I can feel myself slipping again...

2011-09-09T13:16:00.003+09:30

I've long had a tendency to let things get on top of me and fall into a bit of a hole.

And it has a whole lot to do with how much time I'm spending with the Lord, and where I'm sitting with my faith. At the moment the answer to the above is none at all (time with the Lord) and shakey (faith).

I've been actively encouraging Steph to turn to the Lord lately, more so than I ever have before. And I have to admit that makes me feel like a bit of a hypocrite. Because I'm not exactly practising what I'm preaching. And to be completey honest I can feel my faith slipping away. I'm wondering and questioning and just plain frustrated.

Obviously the answer to all this is to pray. But that just makes me feel hyprocritical again. Sigh.

Learning Experience

2011-09-08T20:05:00.002+09:30

Well! Yesterday was quite the learning experience for Steph.

She went to the tattoo studio for work experience. They forgot she was coming and were in the middle of renovating so got her to help with that. She was happy to do that, doesn't mind doing a bit of painting.

All was going well until lunch when the alcohol came out. She thought that odd to be drinking at work, and declined the offer to join them. Then things really went downhill. Out came marijuana, cocaine (which Steph had never even seen before), and some pills which she had no idea what they were. They offered to share and thought she was an extremely strange girl to decline. Afterall everyone does it....ummmm.....no. Not everybody.

Needless to say she was out of there as soon as she could. And she isn't going back.

So...that brought back the "why me" factor. Why does everything bad happen to me. Why doesn't anything good ever happen.

And she is back together with the boyfriend. Just fabulous.

On Saturday she has an appointment with a counsellor. I'm really hoping and praying that it will help.

Lord, please help Steph sort herself out. Help her to look to you for guidance. Help her to open up and learn to help herself.

Things that make you go hmmmm...

2011-08-30T21:11:00.003+09:30

Stephanie dropped a bit of a bombshell today... she wants to find an apprenticeship as a tattoo artist...excuse me?? A what?? And she's sent art work to a few studios in Adelaide and has been asked to come in and see one on Thursday. What?? Hmmmm.

I'm not sure what to think. Like I said. Hmmm. As you can see by the sample below, she can certainly draw... but drawing on people? Hmmm.

Steph has always had a fascination with tattoos. But I never realised she was considering it as a career option. I've always thought of tattoos as being a bit...well...dark and sinister. I know there are lots of prominent Christians who have them. And they aren't just the brand of bikie gangs anymore...but still. Hmmm.

I responded in the supportive parent method of response... told her that if thats what she really wants to do then chase that dream but I'm still picturing my little girl surrounded by big burly blokes wearing leather. She has been to the place where she has her interview on Thursday, and assures me that most of their clientele are students and young women. Really? Seriously? Am I that out of touch???

Anyway. In other news she is still persisting with the boyfriend. They almost broke up yesterday, which I'm afraid to admit I was happy about. She has coloured her hair now because he likes girls with dark hair. Puhlease. I just want to slap her.

Dear Lord, I pray that whatever path Stephanie takes in life that she will take her along with you. I know she is feeling lost at the moment, and feels that things keep going wrong for her, please let her feel your presence and your love. Help her be strong enough to do what is right for her. Please watch over her as she recovers from her cold. Amen.

Catch up

2011-07-17T11:10:00.002+09:30

Hello!

We've just spent a few days with Steph in her new little apartment. It's a lovely little one bedroom with polished floors in a beautiful old restored home. She loves it, has a lot more space than her previous one, which probably means she will make a lot more mess!

Our first day was spent helping Steph unpack and get her new apartment sorted. I've no idea how all her "stuff" fitted into her previous, much smaller unit. And then we had some nice girl time, getting hair done, catching up with friends for lunch and doing some shopping.

Thursday Steph's car was booked in to have a sensor replaced which was causing her engine to cut unexpectedly (not good in city traffic!). So Kym and took her car to the repairer and I took ours to go pick him up. Steph had mentioned that her car was starting to sound "like a aeroplane taking off" and after driving it Kym thought it was more like a jumbo jet. So after having the sensor fitted we rang our mechanic at home and he recommended someone to take the car to in Adelaide. We are so thankful that this was a specialist in Steph's problem (differential) and he was able to fit the car in right away (making a special allowance for us because we wanted to get it fixed for Steph before we went home). He thought it would take until late Friday. We were planning to go home Friday morning so extending that to Friday afternoon was ok. Ended up taking until Saturday morning to be finished but we were just thankful to have it done. Cost a fortune but the fact that we went to someone who specialised in the problem and was able to take care of it right away is definately evidence of the Lord going before us!

So Kym and I ended up going to visit Steph at work, and having her wait on us, always fun! It was lovely for me to see her at work, obviously enjoying herself. Finding a job is wonderful, but finding one she enjoys is an added bonus. Thankyou Lord!

As for the boyfriend, we never laid eyes on him. He didn't come visit Steph while we were there because he overheard a conversation Kym had with Steph where Kym told her he didn't think she should continue with the relationship. I feel a little bad that his feelings have been hurt but it doesn't change the fact that we don't think he is good for her.

Today is a day of washing and resting ready for the working week which I'm pretty sure I'm not going to enjoy. There are issues to be addressed at work and not sure how to go about that yet.

What do you do when you don't like your daughters boyfriend??

2011-07-09T09:55:00.003+09:30

Because I really do. not. like. him.

He makes promises he doesn't keep. He borrows money from her and doesn't repay. He uses her car and computer like it's his own. And (this is the big one) he puts her down.

My hackles are up. I'm gritting my teeth. The mumma bear is coming out, and she may just go for the jugular.

I've told her what I think. She says when they are getting along the relationship is really good. And he always apologises, and says he was only joking, and she needs to toughen up and not get offended so easily. She doesn't want to break up with him. Doesn't feel she is strong enough to handle a break up. She feels responsible for him because he has no money because his parents aren't as supportive as hers. And that's the way he treats her, like she's his mother. He whinges and complains when she says no to him, demands money and then sulks when she doesn't have any.

So what am I supposed to do???

I've told her what I think she should do. I've told her that she deserves to be treated with respect and that she deserves to have her feelings taken into account. She says I'm over reacting, and he's not that bad. I don't think I am.

The difficult thing now, is that I've said my piece, and I don't think I can't keep saying it or she may stop talking to me.

So I shall pray. Unceasingly. Constantly. And trust that God will sort her out.

In other news...Steph got offered a job yesterday as a waitress (which is something she loves to do). She has her first training shift today. So that is an answer to prayer!

Of course I'm worried that the more money she has, the more he will mooch off her.

Dear Lord,
Please be with Steph today as she begins her new job. Help her understand all that she is being taught and really enjoy the experience. Help her come to the right decision about her relationship with Alex. Let her have the wisdom and courage to do what is right for her. In your precious name, Amen.

God's Wisdom

2011-07-02T15:55:00.002+09:30

Funny but my devotionals of late have had a lot to say about wisdom, faith, and patience. Coincidence? I doubt it.

I AM waiting...just not very patiently. I have asked for wisdom but don't feel very wise!

Today I read that I need to drop anchor. I can't vacillate between the world's opinions and the Lord's wisdom. If I don't anchor myself on God's promise that He will give me His wisdom then I will be blown about by others thoughts, opinions and feelings.

That's a bit of a light bulb moment for me. Ok, I've been asking for wisdom, but I don't really think that I've been anchoring myself on God's promise that He will provide it.

So that's my challenge today. To ask for wisdom and have the faith to believe that I will receive it.

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways. James 1 6-8.

Let him ask in faith, with no doubting...

No easy answers...

2011-07-01T18:37:00.002+09:30

I have been waiting on the Lord, and praying and waiting and praying and waiting and I'm getting frustrated. Which I'm pretty sure isn't the message the Lord is trying to give me but that's my reality.

If you aren't up to reading a big grumble session you have my permission to stop reading now, because I just want to get it all off my chest...

Firstly I don't want to live here anymore. I don't feel this community (as tight knit and wonderful as it is) is the place for my kids to get the education they need (Steph is already in Adelaide) and I'm not ready to let them go. Scott is in year 10 and is really bright and our little school just isn't engaging him, catering to him, challenging him or giving him the choices to inspire him. I'm fed up with being a farmers wife (even though we've had a couple of good years now, doesn't mean that will continue and I'm over the uncertainty). I'm fed up with working full time and feeling under valued and under paid.

The thing is, this is where Kym is happy. And the reality is that I am more likely to put up and shut up than he is, and a miserable Sharon is infinitely more bearable than a miserable Kym. I have always been the compromiser and I don't see how I can stop that now. I don't even know how to approach the subject, and frankly I see little point.

I just feel stuck. I can't afford to stop working unless we re work the partnership of the farm so that we are no longer in partnership with Kym's brother. The way we are set up now is that we draw a wage from the business and that is all. So even though on paper we have lots of assets and lots of turnover, the reality is that we live on a meagre wage. And that means I have to work. Especially while we are supporting a child studying 700km from home.

So put up and shut up I shall. Except here. Here I will say what I think and feel!

Like I said I don't have any answers. I will just keep praying and waiting on the Lord. And maybe I'll learn some patience and wisdom. Stranger things have happened.

Dear Lord, if this is the place that you want me then please help me accept it. If it's not give me the courage to change it. Please help Stephanie find a job to supplement her income and help her move toward supporting herself. Please help us make a decision about Scott's schooling next year. Amen.

Missing Church

2011-06-26T13:12:00.002+09:30

This morning I made the decision to skip church.

I don't take that decision lightly, as it often leaves me feeling empty and that's not a great way to start the week.

But today I just need some time at home. Working full time and keeping up with a family can be pretty difficult at times and sometimes I just need to stop.

Having said that, after I get off the computer I will be spending some time in prayer and reading the Lords word. Which is wonderful (and something I have been trying REALLY hard to do every day) but for me nothing compares to singing for the joy of the Lord while in worship. I just love it. Perhaps I can sing while I read and pray! Hmmm. Now there's a challenge.

Update...Steph felt her interview on Friday went well. Just the waiting game now to find out if she has been successful...I'm not good at waiting. In the meantime she is still applying for other jobs so keep praying.

Sharon.

Life's Rollercoaster

2011-06-23T16:20:00.002+09:30

As I shared last year, my 18 year old daughter has left home this year to go study at university.

Well it's June now, and what a ride we've been on...hoping for some calmer seas soon!

She started her course, seemed to be coping with the study load and adjusting to living in the city ok. I relaxed a little.

In March she went to a music festival. Not her first, I wasn't alarmed but was a little concerned as most parents would be. She met up with a friend there who she met a few months ago. He was a local lad from here but had moved away and joined the police force. Big sigh of relief from me, she was at a music festival with a policeman. Perfect.

Not so perfect it would seem. Without going into the gory details he got horribly drunk and attempted to take advantage of her, she came out of the incident bruised, battered and terribly ashamed and embarresed. He didn't succeed, she may be small but she has a fair amount of fight in her.... We were left feeling angry, upset, betrayed and I can't imagine how much worse those feelings were for her. She reported him, he was "disciplined" within the police force but they couldn't take it any further as Steph really didn't want to testify against him..she just wanted it to all go away.

She came home for a week. Recollected herself. Had some counselling, and back into her uni course. All seemed to settle down again for a while.

Then along came mid semester break and a phone call saying she doesn't want to study this course anymore. She was doing acupuncture and the mere sight of the acupuncture needle made her feel ill...perhaps not the best career choice! So she decided to quit and search for a job and work for a while, while she assessed what she wanted to do next.

Find a job. Sounded simple enough. NOT. She has administration, waitressing and bar tending experience, surely that would be enough? It would appear not.

Finally in the middle of May she seemed to catch a break. She was asked to come in for a days trial as a receptionist at an accounting firm. She did that, they said they liked her and to come back the next day. She took that to mean she had the job and worked happily the entire week, delighted to have finally found a job. On the Friday of that week, at 5pm she was told not to come in anymore. They didn't tell her she had done anything wrong, didn't offer any feedback and didn't pay her. She was distraught and devastated. Time for Mum to step in with a very stern (but polite) email. They replied saying that they decided to extend the trial from a day to a week (without telling her thats what they were doing) and as for the reason she wasn't successful they said they weren't prepared to discuss that. Excuse me? How is a young person supposed to improve if you don't tell them what they are doing wrong? My response wasn't quite so polite, but did result in them paying her for the work she did.

Along comes the end of May and a very bored and jobless Stephanie starts looking seriously into what she loves to do and what careers that could lead to. She found and signed up for a Diploma of Commercial Art (Graphic Design) and started that course on the 13th of June...all going well so far...

We had a long weekend in June so Steph came home and brought her new boyfriend. He seems nice enough...not a Christian...sigh. Anyway, they went to Port Lincoln for the a football carnival that is held there every year. And guess what. They were attacked by a group of individuals for no apparent reason, out of no where. Alex was knocked to the ground and concussed, Steph was punched in the face and ended up with a fat lip and a bruise that made her look like Hitler. Again the assault was reported but with no names or witnesses there wasn't much that could be done. A very cross and indignant Stephanie went back to Adelaide.

Yesterday she finally found a job at McDonalds. She is less than thrilled about working there but the need to work seems to have over ridden any misgivings she had about working for them (heard lots of bad stuff from friends about how hard the job is and how little you get paid).

Tomorrow at 2pm she has a job interview for what sounds like a fantastic opportunity for her. It's an art administration traineeship, which involves co-ordinating and promoting art to youth in the local government area. She has already had one interview for this job and has now been called in for a second interview. She has been told she has a "good chance" of getting it, and that she is up against 4 other people, which isn't bad odds.

With so much having gone wrong so far this year, I'm loathe to get my hopes up...

Dear Lord, please be with Stephanie tomorrow as she attends the job interview. Let them see her potential and give her the confidence to sell herself and show them that she would be great for the job. This would mean so much to her and lift her spirits and self esteem so much. Please be with her. Amen.

Technologically Challenged

2011-06-21T08:07:00.001+09:30

Many who have teens in their home will relate to my dilemma.

Scott (who is 16) like most teenagers is addicted to technology. And I don't say that lightly. I think he really is addicted. Which makes dealing with the issue all that more difficult.

I watch his comments and monitor his friends on facebook so I know he's not unsafe but that doesn't make him any less addicted.

And now that facebook is so easily accessed on phones, ipods it's pretty hard to escape it.

He doesn't sleep well and I'm SURE it's because he is over stimulated.

But what to do? This thing has crept into our home insidiously. I monitored what he was doing, but not how much. And with a stubborn, indignant 16 year old it's going to be pretty hard to put some time limits on him. He doesn't see that it's for his own good, he will see it as a punishment.

So if anyone has some brilliant ideas on how to go about making a cantankerous 16 year old see what is good for him then let me know!

Lord, please help me find the right words and the right time to talk to Scott about his facebook addiction. He needs to let his mind rest and understand that he doesn't need constant stimulation, or to be constantly in touch with his friends. Help me put some measures in place for his benefit and help him see that it is for his benefit, and not a punishment. Amen.

Re Focus

2011-06-19T19:17:00.002+09:30

Good evening all in Blogland :)

I have decided to re focus and switch to more blogging and less facebooking...

So...onto todays blog.

I'm a bit all over the place at the moment, physically, spiritually, mentally. I'm tired. Tired of being the only Christian in my house. Tired of defending my faith. Tired of going to church alone. Just tired.

Stephanie is now living in Adelaide, studying a Diploma of Commercial Art and has been trying to find a job for the past six months. She's getting disheartened and so am I. She's had a rough introduction to city living, lost her purse, been assaulted, and been taken advantage of by an unscrupulous employer. I know I'm supposed to hand her over to the Lord but she is making decisions that I don't agree with and I'm finding it so very hard to let her make her own mistakes. It would all be SO much easier if she would accept the Lord and let Him guide her. But Stephanie has never taken the easy path. My great fear for her is that the Lord will have to completely break her to bring her home...is that even rational?

Anyway... I would much appreciate advice, prayer, anything that you think might help.

Sharon.

Let Down

2010-12-24T08:11:00.002+10:30

I'm feeling really flat this morning. I'm not entirely sure why but for some reason I feel overwhelmed and close to tears. Like it's not going to take much to send me over the edge.

Stephanie's facebook status this morning is gleefully telling the world that it's 48 days until she moves to Adelaide. I'm thinking that could have something to do with it.

I'm also feeling the downside of having a daughter who shares everything with you. There are some things I just don't really want to know. She has been talking to a new boy (guess I should call him a man, they are all adults now...SIGH...) I could tell she really liked him by the way that she talked about him and how MUCH she talked about him. I think it was fair to assume the feeling was mutual since he rang her every day twice a day. They live 200km apart so up until yesterday they had only really spoken via text and phone. She has met him but as a friend of a friend.

She spent the day with him yesterday and came away feeling a bit dissappointed. She gets the feeling that he isn't over his ex girlfriend and isn't sure she wants to get involved for fear of getting hurt. But I can tell she really likes him. So now she is waiting for the phone to ring. And not really sure what she should do or what he wants to do.

Now if I had a NORMAL teenager I would be blissfully unaware that any of this is happening! Because on the surface she is business as usual. And to be honest I'm really not sure why it's affected me this way. Steph has had breakups and disappointments before but it's never got me down too much. Perhaps it's that coupled with the knowledge that she is leaving, and next year I will be unaware of what she is thinking and feeling because she won't physically be here.

I don't know. All I can say is that I'm not feeling particularly Merry this Christmas eve....

Lord, please watch over Stephanie. Guide her thoughts and her actions. Guide this young man also, encourage him to do the right thing and not leave her hanging and let her know where she stands. Please watch over her when she leaves home. Give her the strength and the confidence and the commitment she needs to fulfill her dreams and help her to be everthything you made her to be.

Harvest Frustrations

2010-12-10T15:36:00.003+10:30

Harvest is fast becoming an exercise in frustration for the Bates (and many other families) family this year. Usually by this time of year the harvest is well under way, some people are even near finishing.

Not this year.

This year we have been blessed with a wetter than usual winter and spring. And after several years of drought this has been a huge blessing indeed.

But it has continued to be wet. Note the ominous clouds in the picture above. In the past three weeks we have been able to harvest for three days. It's become so wet now that our beautiful crops are in danger or re shooting, rotting, or just simply falling over. Barley in particular is notorious for breaking and ending up on the ground where it can't be retrieved.

We have had two dry days so far this week, and the weather forecast is for dry weather to continue for the next few days. We haven't been able to resume harvest as yet as the grain has to dry out to be below 12% moisture before it can be sold.

So here's hoping for a dry few weeks!!

Lord, thank you so much for the amazing crops we have been blessed with this year. I pray now that the weather will hold to enable the harvest to continue. Amen.

I'm worried.

2010-12-07T17:13:00.002+10:30

I'm worried that I haven't done enough.

As far as my children's Christian upbringing goes I'm a bit of a single parent. And I'm pretty sure I haven't done enough.

I'm not even sure that I've done my best.

Stephanie goes out into the world on her own next year and I'm really concerned that her walk with Jesus will end there. She will be living right next door to a church, but that doesn't mean she will cross it's thresh hold.

At the moment she is relishing her new found grown upness. But I can see that she isn't really that grown up at all. She is still that little girl looking for acceptance. I just pray that she grows to understand that the only one who will really accept her completely and unconditionally is her Lord and Saviour.

Lord, please speak to Stephanie's heart. Let her know that you are there. Guide her decisions and her life. Help her to grow into the young woman you made her to be. Amen.

Graduation and other woes

2010-12-06T10:01:00.004+10:30

This group of wonderful young people from our church have now graduated high school and are about to head off into the big wide world. Yesterday we held a special service for them to dedicate them and their future to the Lord and to wish them well. We made it very clear to them that we were by no means saying goodbye...we expect many visits!!

On the left we have Amber who will go to Adelaide to study childcare, then Tom who is moving away to start an apprenticeship, next is Fabian who has an apprenticeship lined up in Adelaide, and Sophie who will study journalism at Uni and Steph who will study acupuncture.

I was a bit worried about how I would cope during the service. I'm SO not ready to face the prospect of my little girl leaving home. I was doing ok until our worship leader asked the children and youth to sing the first verse of one of my favourite worship songs "Here Iam to Worship". Standing next to Stephanie, listening to her sing a beautiful song in her beautiful, sweet, clear voice was my undoing. I couldn't join in with the song when we were supposed to. Our pianist looked up and saw Steph singing with all her heart, and me being a dribbling mess and she almost lost it as well, which just made me worse!!

But all in all the service was lovely, and positive and a wonderful tribute to these amazing young people. A special moment was when their grandparents stood behind them and said a special prayer just for them (and they all had their grandparents there - how cool is that?).

My hope for this gorgeous young woman now is that she will remember the Lord when I'm not there to remind her. That she will look to her bible when she needs advice, and that she will always remember that our home will always be hers.

Lord, please help Stephanie remember that she is your princess. Encourage her to always look to your word for advice and to live her life for your glory. Amen.

Change is afoot...

2010-11-18T13:43:00.002+10:30

I usually welcome change with open arms. I've been known to change things just for sake of having a change.

At the moment I'm struggling to imagine enjoying the changes about to take place in our family. Nothing new, or drastic, these changes have been happening since time began.

I'm talking about our children spreading their wings and leaving home.

Exciting and scary for them. Just plain scary for me.

Tomorrow morning Stephanie will graduate from high school. Then her class, teachers and parents will celebrate with a formal graduation dinner. It seems just yesterday that I was getting ready for my own graduation dinner. Steph has her dress (gorgeous, there will be photos), she is getting her hair and makeup done, she is very excited about the whole thing. As she should be.

On Monday Steph will begin harvest work with Viterra, a grain handling company. This is seasonal work that a lot of students take up as a pretty lucrative summer job. It's not any easy job by any stretch of the imagination, it's very physical and the conditions can be extremely hot, dusty and uncomfortable.

In January Steph will work 2 or 3 nights per week at a local hotel. The owner has agreed to train her and give her the experience she needs to hopefully gain part time work when she moves to Adelaide.

And then in February my baby leaves the nest. She will be so busy between now and then that I'm afraid I'll hardly see her. She has been accepted into a four year degree in Acupuncture, which she is very excited about. Next week she will find out if she has been successful in gaining a scholarship which will cover her first year's fees. So we are praying!

So while Stephanie buzzes about cleaning and packing up her room, throwing away clothes that no longer fit, sorting out what will or won't fit in her little unit, excitedly making lists, looking at bake ware, and generally getting prepared I'm left wondering what happened? Where did the time go?

Lord, I pray that as Stephanie gets prepared to leave home that I am able to support her in any way that she needs. I pray that I've taught her enough to live happily and safely. I pray that she will gain the scholarship she has applied for, and that she will be successful in her studies. Most of all I pray that she will look to you for guidance and love, and know that she is never alone when you live in her heart.

Broken and Beautiful

2010-11-17T08:17:00.003+10:30

Good morning everyone! Yes! I am still alive if anyone was wondering (or if you are still here!)

Something happened this morning that I just had to share. I haven't had an "aha" moment like this in a while....

I was driving to work listening to my ipod (not in my ears, through the car stereo in case you are worrying about my safe driving habits!) and a beautiful song came on. Broken and Beautiful. I'm not sure who sings it but this morning it was written for me.

I really felt the Lord telling me to "come as you are" and ended up with tears streaming down my face (which isn't good for the makeup on the way to work!). Then the next song was "God doesn't make mistakes". Amazing. Just a little lesson for me on the way to work thanks to the greatest teacher EVER.

A quick update on life on the farm for those who are interested. Steph will graduate on Friday, and she will be presented with the Art Prize (although she doesn't know that yet). Today she has an interview at 3pm with Endeavour College as she has been short listed for a scholarship with them (so prayers would be appreciated!). Scott is on harvest leave at the moment to help his Dad with what looks like the biggest harvest we have EVER had (PRAISE THE LORD!!!). Scott ht two terms out of school as he was mixing with the wrong crowd and not thinking about consequences. Being home schooled has made me realise that he's a whole lot smarter than I thought he was. He will go back to school next term, hopefully a more mature boy and more able to cope with the pressure of his peers. We shall see.

Can't wait to spend some time catching up on your blogs to see what's happening!

Love and blessings
Sharon.

Can of Worms

2010-08-07T19:36:00.002+09:30

I don't usually get political.

But at the moment I'm worried.

August 21st is election day. The election in Australia is pretty much a two horse race. And at the moment we get to choose from the bad and the very very bad.

In the blue corner we have our current PM (by default after she deposed the current PM a few weeks back) Julia Gillard. She is well spoken. Educated. Measured. And an atheist.

In the white corner we have Tony Abbott. Also educated. Not so well spoken. Bit of a loose cannon. Flys off the handle and says things he shouldn't. Wears those ridiculous swimming trunks in public. And is a committed Christian who openly opposes gay marriage, abortion and sex before marriage.

To me the choice is obvious. But I'm not so sure how the rest of the country will see it. If Julia Gillard is successful we will not only have our first ever woman Prime Minister, but we will also have our first non married, living in a de facto relationship, atheist Prime Minister.

The trouble is that Julia presents herself very well. She is well spoken, compassionate, and just comes across as a polished professional. Tony on the other hand looks as though he is constantly trying to hold himself back from saying something that will alienate half the country.

So pray for us here in Australia on August 21st. I'm not sure that Tony Abbott will lead the country well, but at least I can be sure that he will get help from above.

School Trouble

2010-08-06T21:01:00.002+09:30

I am the secretary of the governing body of our school.

Sometimes this is a little awkward for me, as it calls for me to have a different working relationship with the principal than the relationship I have with him as a parent. Our parent/teacher relationship has been a little rocky, as I have often butted heads with him over the welfare of my children. Neither of my children really fit "the system" so I have found myself advocating for them more often than I would like.

Just this week Scott has been suspended, for something that I found pretty trivial, and strongly believe the school is reacting to the result rather than the cause of the problem. This bothers me a lot. So I have gone in to bat for him (again) and said my piece (again). I've always remained calm and polite during these encounters, I've never resorted to attacking the teachers or principal personally (although there have been times when I would have liked to) and I think this is the only way I've been able to balance my two roles as governing council secretay and parent.

I have to admit though, that this recent incident has me seething. And I'm all but ready to throw in the towel. Scott has spent the past few days at home, working from home and achieving much much more than he would have in a classroom. He is pretty bright, and he showed me today that he wants to succeed. He was actually enjoying trigonometry, he just needed to see that he can do it, and he needed someone to take the time to help him with it.

Our school seems to have a real problem with discipline at the moment. They are letting incidents slide and then completely over reacting over something minor.

I have little choice but to send him to this school. Which annoys me. The combination of a few teachers who just don't seem to care, a few (very) disruptive boys in Scott's class, and apathetic management isn't conducive to success. But there is no other school that doesn't require boarding, and that's just something we can not afford at the moment.

Scott confided to me today that he wants to be an airforce pilot when he grows up. But he doesn't dare dream it's a possibility because he's "too dumb". That's just heartbreaking.

Lord, please help Scott follow his dreams. Give him faith in his own ability and a willingless to learn despite the obstacles he sometimes faces. Help me to continue to encourage and help him and help him to become the man you made him to be.

Uncertainty

2010-08-01T13:54:00.002+09:30

Hello there!

Life is showing no signs of slowing down for me at the moment which means that blogging will probably remain spasmodic...but I'm still here!

Last week we ventured off to Adelaide for Steph's interview at Endeavour College of Natural Health, where she hopes to study next year. We started with an open day on Sunday where we were able to look around, see classes in action and learn about all the different courses on offer. Then Steph spent some time with the senior lecturer for acupuncture, which she really enjoyed. Her interview on Monday morning was uneventful and non traumatic, with her being offered a place in her chosen course (Bachelor of Health Science (Acupuncture)). She was thrilled.

Then we went shopping in search of THE perfect graduation dress. This experience was much less traumatic and expensive than expected and we were patting ourselves on the back when by lunch time Steph had a place at uni, and a gorgeous dress (without us having to take a second mortgage!!).

We wandered out to West Lakes shopping centre for lunch, as it's nearby where Steph is hoping to live next year. We then had an appointment at 2pm to meet the owner of the student housing accommodation and to inspect the units there. It went really well, Andrea (the owner) was lovely, supportive and helpful. The units were small and basic but comfortable and clean, with everything she will need...and the best bit - she can walk to the beach! She can also walk to the train station and the street she will live on has all the shops she needs within walking distance. Also lots of part time job opportunities with cafes, restaurants and shops. So we put a security deposit on 2 units (as Steph's cousin is hoping to study in Adelaide next year also).

On the drive home Steph got a text from Renee (her cousin) telling her that she had been accepted into her course at Adelaide City Tafe...which is right next door to Endeavour College!!

It wasn't until we were on our way home that I spent some time thinking about all that we had achieved in a single day. Up until our trip to Adelaide I had been quite uncertain about Steph's study choices. She excells in the arts, is a great musician and all awards she has won have been for design. And she wants to study a science degree? It just didn't feel quite right with me, didn't seem as though she was looking to her strengths.

BUT. After everything just falling into place the way it did. I think God is telling me to step away and let HIM run the show! I mean how amazing that in the space of 4 hours we had secured a place at uni, a graduation dress, a place to live AND someone to live next door from home!

WOW.

How great is our God.

Lord, thankyou. I'm speechless. Just thankyou. Please continue to remind me that you are in control and that I don't need to worry. Help us with the transition when it happens next year. I'm pretty sure I'm really going to need your help when it comes time to say goodbye. Please watch over Steph and Renee now and forever. Amen.

Home vs Church

2010-07-04T14:52:00.002+09:30

Some Sundays are a struggle for me. I have so much to do on my one day off (Saturday is committed to sport) that I get overwhelmed. Winter is the hardest. Not so many hours in the day I guess.

I have skipped church the past two Sundays. And I'm having a bit of a guilt trip about that. It's really hard to juggle work, family, housework and worship.

I am the kind of person who needs to start the working week fresh. By fresh I mean clean house, laundry up to date, baking done for the family lunch boxes for the coming week. Everything just feels all wrong if I can't start the week this way, and if I let myself get too far behind I am prone to feeling depressed and completely out of sorts.

So sometimes I skip church to catch up. And skipping church sometimes leaves me feeling out of sorts too.

And I'm not sure what I can do about it, it's a real struggle for me sometimes.

On a positive note I'm happy to report that I'm spending more time with my bible now than I ever have before. It started by just reading a few pages in the 10 minutes I had each day waiting for Steph. I'm really enjoying it, and get a bit cross when Steph is early!

Community

2010-07-03T17:17:00.002+09:30

I may be over reacting but at the moment I feel as though our community is falling apart.

Recently we have dealt with (or are still dealing with) the loss of three young people due to car accidents. We are also dealing with a spate of theft and petty crime which is not something we are used to. People are having to lock their houses and cars and we have never had to do that. I don't even take my keys out of the ignition (if they aren't in the ignition I will lose them!). The thieves aren't locals, and have been arrested many times, but keep coming back. At least that's something I guess. It's not someone local stealing from their own community.

And last night there was another car accident. A friend of Stephanie's (6 months older than her) lost control of his car at 3am this morning. He totalled the car, clipped a wall and took out two light poles. Apparently the throttle stuck and when he hit the wall the airbag went off which knocked him out and that's how he ended up crashed into a light pole. I know it was an accident. But there is no denying that alcohol was a factor and I'm starting to think that our young people are just. not. listening. He is lucky to be alive. If not for that airbag he'd have been thrown on impact (no seatbelt).

I'm very sad to say that we are becoming very used to the sight and sound of sirens, which used to be a very rare occurance. The horrible horrible thing about sirens in a small town is that it is very likely that you will know the person involved.

Lord, please restore peace to our little town. Help the young people to learn from their and their friends mistakes. Stop the petty crime wave that seems to plaguing us at the moment and help us to be able to trust and feel safe in our community again.

The Impulsiveness of Youth!!

2010-06-01T11:29:00.002+09:30

Yesterday Steph and her friend Maddy decided that today they would drive to Adelaide (6 hour drive) so that they can audition for X Factor (similar to Idol) tomorrow.

They tossed the idea around yesterday at lunch, and decided then and there that they were just going to go for it.

Ever practical Mum (that's me) pointed out that they are ridiculously under prepared. They need to have 4 songs rehearsed and ready. They said they could sort that out during the 6 hour car trip.

Their plan is to enter as a duet, but if they can't get their harmonies sorted on the way they would move to plan B and enter seperately. And that is as far as their planning has progressed.

Steph is under no illusion that they will get anywhere, but she assures me that they will look FABULOUS!

So please pray for these two gorgeous girls as they head off on their little adventure this afternoon, armed with CD's, chocolate, and their entire wardrobes! Also for their audition experience tomorrow. They are both talented singers, but have never embarked on anything like this before.

Lord, please watch over Steph and Maddy today as they drive to Adelaide. Keep them safe. Also please look out for them during their audition and help it to be a rewarding and positive experience for them.

Front and Centre

2010-05-27T11:46:00.002+09:30

I have reached a point where I've managed to almost have God where he belongs, and that is front and centre in my life.

I'm not there yet, but the fact that I'm thinking about it has to be a good thing right?

It's been kind of forced on me. We've had some family situations which have forced me to fall on my knees. And on your knees is a pretty awesome place to be, which surprises me. I'm not good at submission. Not good at all.

What's amazing is that the issues aren't resolved - won't be for quite some time but I'm at peace. I know that God will put me where he wants me to be.

That's not to say that I don't have a plan. I have an idea of what I would like to happen, and what I think would be a good way to move forward. But I'm letting go. I didn't say I've completely let go...because I'm pretty stubborn...but I'm at peace with the idea that the future may not be according to my plan.

And that's a pretty big deal for me.

And it feels pretty good.

Future Plans

2010-05-24T09:35:00.002+09:30

At the moment Steph is half way through year 12 (or her senior year). She has a plan for next year but I am still worried.

I guess that's my job to worry. Mother's perrogative.

Stephanie is very artistic. She does everything with an artistic flair. Last year she designed her own debutante gown, and this year she is designing and making a ballgown from recycled material for a competition (will post photos when it's complete). Her cupcakes are decorated beautifully and even packaged artistically. She is a natural when it comes to art and music.

And yet the career she has chosen has nothing to do with art or music. She has decided she wants to study a Bachelor or Health Science (Acupuncture). Excuse me? Science?

I worry that she has chosen this career because she doesn't think she is talented enough to pursue a career in the arts. She sees people who major in art and doesn't see herself as one of those "arty types". I worry that a 4 year degree is going to be a pretty tough ask when it's not something that you have a flair or passion for.

I worry about her living so far from home. I worry about supporting her financially and emotionally from afar. I worry about how I will cope with not having her here beside me and not being able to have lunch together on Thursday. I worry that she won't be able to find a job, or she won't like her living arrangements.

I worry that she won't pass, or that she will give up, or that she will hate it.

I worry and I worry and I worry and I worry.

Lord, please help me to stop all this worry. I pray that Stephanie is going where you want her to go, and that you are guiding her decisions, even if she doesn't know it. I pray that I can support her when she needs it, and that we will cope financially and emotionally next year when she leaves home. Please help me to hand her over to you. Help me to let go.

Cupcake Anyone?

2010-05-19T16:59:00.002+09:30

At the moment my home has been over run with cupcakes.

You wouldn't think that would be a bad thing...

Stephanie is studying small business enterprises this year. In the second term all the students run their own small business. Stephanie chose to make and sell cupcakes, chocolates and biscuits (sorry, that would be cookies to those in the U.S.!). She's a great cook (no idea where that came from) and her business is turning out to be quite profitable.

It's also teaching her to adjust her plans and vary her product according to the market. So far she has learned that chocolates aren't very profitable and are quite fiddly to make, so she has increased their price and decreased their space in the advertising! Cupcakes and cookies however are easy to make in large quantities and have a healthy profit margin, so they feature very prominantly in her advertising!

She has not learned however to not be a perfectionist. Her cupcakes are decorated beautifully. Any cupcake that does not meet her standards is left at home for Mum to eat. Sigh. And even though they aren't as pretty as she wants them to be they still taste great!

This has been a fabulous course for her. It teaches students to manage time, money, customers and advertising and these are all valuable things for their future.

Of course the signature cupcake is her own recipe featuring our own honey. They are just walking out the door.

Leading Worship

2010-05-15T15:06:00.002+09:30

I love it when it's my month to worship lead at church.

But so far this month has been a bit of a struggle.

Last week I lead a grieving congregation hours after we had heard of a tragedy that took a young man's life, that we all knew and loved. He was 22. That was pretty hard to do. But the service was already planned before I heard of Daniel's death so I didn't have to think about that. I just had to deliver, which I didn't do all that well, but I did the best I could.

This week I'm still pretty numb. It's Saturday afternoon and I haven't thought of a single song, verse or prayer for tomorrow's service. I wasn't so close to Daniel that I've been consumed with grief, but I know his parents well and I'm filled with a really heavy sense of sadness. It's hard to explain. I feel as though the joy has been sucked out of me.

And that makes leading worship pretty difficult. I am a joyous worship leader. I love singing for the joy of the Lord. *sigh*

So now I'm off to make myself find some songs. I have no plan like I normally do. I think I will just pray and ask the Lord to guide me, because without Him I don't think I'm up to it.

Lets hope that this week I can at least manage to speak in whole sentences.

Depression and Faith

2010-05-14T11:42:00.002+09:30

I have suffered from depression in the past. I sought help in the form of medication and counseling and am one of the lucky ones to make a full recovery. I now know my warning signs and my limitations and I take care to monitor myself. If it happens again I hope that I know enough now to not let myself hit rock bottom before I seek help. Thats the plan anyway.

My daughter also suffers from depression. At the moment she is taking medication, which has taken 6 months to get right and she starts counselling next week. I'm very pleased to say that emotionally she is doing pretty well right now.

Yesterday she was told by someone she respects that her depression is pretty much her own fault. That she has the spirit of satan within her and she needs to go "cold turkey" and completely come off her medication and "let God heal you". This person obviously has no clue of the consequences of stopping anti depressants suddenly and without support.

Steph doesn't plan on taking this advice. But she now feels that she is a bad person, that she is being punished, and worst of all that she doesn't want anything to do with a God who punishes her like this. She wants to know what she did wrong.

One positive is that it has opened the lines of communication between us about faith and illness. I've spent a bit of time researching this morning to reassure Steph that God loves her, and that she isn't being punished but if anyone can help me out with some more info to back me up I'd really appreciate it.

Lord please let Steph know that you are with her and that you love her. Remind her to be kind to herself and help her recover from this illness.

My Community

2010-05-12T17:06:00.002+09:30

The place where I live is small. A town on 1000 people which services the farmers surrounding it.

But last night was testimony to just how big the hearts are around here.

Our football club "A grade" team train twice per week. On Tuesday and Thursday. The rest of us not so committed types and the juniors train only on Thursday.

Last night was no ordinary A grade training. Our club put on a free meal and provided counsellors to help the lads work through the grief of losing one of their own. There were over 100 people there. Not just our A grade, but also our B grade, and many A grade players from other clubs came out to show their support. Daniel's parents were also there, as was his friend who was with him (but survived the accident) and his parents.

We may be rivals on the field but last night showed that we are one amazing community. Last night the healing process began. The boys were all able to get together and support one another and Daniel's family. And they were able to start to talk about it, and realise that it's ok and necessary to talk about it.

Lord, thankyou for this amazing, close and caring community that I live in. I pray that the people can heal and help each other during this time. I pray especially for Daniel's family and close friends as they come to terms with this huge loss. Comfort them Lord. Let them know you are there.

Catch up Time...

2010-05-11T15:51:00.002+09:30

Hello there Bloggers.

I'm at a point now where I feel ready to enter Blogland again. Sorry my absence was unannounced! Nothing major had happened. I just needed some time away from the computer.

But now I'm back.

And sadly today I'm back with a heavy heart. Another young person has fallen victim to our road toll. One that I knew well, and have watched grow up from a cheeky young boy to a cheeky young man.

I can't help but think of his parents. What kind of nightmare would see you losing your 22 year old son on the eve of Mothers Day? I can't begin to imagine what they must be going through.

Our community will mourn and recover slowly, but will never forget Daniel.

This is the third fatality on our country roads in 12 months. It fills me with fear at the thought that I have one child driving on those same roads, and one about to start.

Lord, please be with Daniel's family at this difficult time. Let them feel your presence and draw comfort from the knowledge that you are there. Help us all to heal and recover from this tragedy. Please keep our children safe on these roads Lord. Help them to make wise and safe decisions regarding their road safety.

Light Bulb Moment

2010-02-23T15:24:00.000+10:30

Something our speaker said on Sunday really struck a chord with me.

He read from Ezekiel 22:30. Standing in the gap.

And I had a light bulb moment. It dawned on me. God doesn't expect me to lead my family to him, or help him convert them (as if he needs any help). My job is to stand in the gap for them.

So that is what I shall do.

Didn't take me long to work that out. How lucky are we that we have a patient and loving God, who loves us no matter how many times we reject him, or disappoint him, or hurt him.

Lord, Thank you for loving me, and thank you for continually forgiving me when I fail. Please watch over my family. Thank you for loving them even though they may not be ready to accept your love yet.

Good News

2010-02-11T12:48:00.001+10:30

Hello!

Yes... I am still here.

Thanks for your gentle prodding friends. I feel as though I'm finding some sort of balance in my life although it doesn't seem to be getting any less busy!

I went back to church last week and worship led for the first time without Melissa. It was ok. Actually it was better than ok. It was awesome to be back singing for the joy of the Lord. I actually had to stop singing during "Amazing Love" (Chris Tomlin's version) as I was getting a bit choked up. Luckily it's a really well known song so the congregation didn't need my singing to lead them. They do a fantastic job on their own.

There were a couple of "light bulb" moments for me during the service and the healing process has started. How lucky are we that our Lord waits patiently for us to come home every time we drift away?

In other news... I now have a stressed out student in her senior year of high school! At the moment she is a very focused and studious student. Praying that can continue. Steph is continuing with singing and guitar lessons this year and today had her first private sewing/pattern drafting/designing lesson. She loved it loved it loved it. So all is well in her world at the moment. (Thank you Lord.)

Scott is in his second year of high school which is traditionally the worst. The year where they try to figure out who they are, where they fit and how far they can push their luck. It's only February and so far Scott has been banned from the computer twice and had his phone confiscated for two weeks. Goes without saying he is pushing his luck! (Thank you Lord for granting me with patience to deal with this, please help me out with the right words to say and the right discipline when necessary.)

We are almost ready to harvest our first batch of honey! Yay! Steph has designed cute labels, I have ordered jars, and Kym will start extracting the honey when the jars arrive. All very exciting. I promise there will be photos.

So there you go... I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I just needed a gentle nudge from wonderful friends.

Love to you all and God Bless.
Sharon.

Drifting...

2010-01-26T11:39:00.003+10:30

I know I've already posted today... but I've spent some time reading through the wonderful blogs on my sidebar and I feel prompted to come clean.

All is not well on my faith journey. All is not well with me.

I feel quite seperated from the Lord at the moment. I know how to fix this. But I don't do it. I haven't picked up my bible since early December. I haven't been to church since then either. I am dreading going to church this year. I don't really have any rational reason why, I just don't want to go.

We will be one family short this year. And that is playing on my mind. Melissa is our pianist (we have others, but Melissa is the main one) and I just don't want to worship lead without her. I have had some wonderful times practising with her, choosing songs, planning services.

Church will still be church. And God will still be there which I know in my head is the most important thing. But I still don't want to go.

Australia Day

2010-01-26T11:08:00.002+10:30

I love a sunburnt country
A land of sweeping plains
Of rugged mountain ranges
Of droughts and flooding rains
I love her clear horizon
I love her jewel sea
Her beauty and her terror
The wide brown land for me.

That's an excerpt from Dorothea McKellar's "My Country". I have loved that poem from the moment I first read it as a child. It pretty much sums up how I feel about this great place we live in.

That's not to say that I don't want to experience other places of the world. I would love to travel one day, but finances are a bit of an issue there, so that dream may have to wait.

First of all there is plenty of this country that I am yet to see. Our ten year plan includes a trip around Australia (we will be taking Boris of course!) once the kids are settled after they finish school. It's something that I'm really starting to look forward to. There is so much on offer in this great big brown country and I can't wait to see it.

Happy Australia Day!

So this is what 40 looks like.

2010-01-20T15:18:00.002+10:30

A bit frayed around the edges I'm afraid! Here am I all dressed up and ready for my 40th birthday party. The theme was Hawaiian, I don't generally get around wearing hibiscus flowers for the fun of it! The sash I'm wearing was a gift - it says "40 and naughty". Which I am not!! Much. Well not all the time anyway.

So.... 40. Well, I don't feel any different. Although on close scrutiny I look like I'm in need of a good nights sleep, and perhaps a face lift

I thought it might be fun to come up with 40 things I'd like to achieve in my 40th year.

SLOW DOWN. Take some time out to spend with myself and my Lord
Lose some weight. Don't want to be "fat and forty"
Commit to prayer time every day
Start working on my (dead) garden.
Read a good book
Take the kids to the movies
Take a break with my wonderful husband (a good year to do that, 20th wedding anniversary in April)
Stop working so much overtime.
Quit netball - for good this time.
Help Steph with her studies and her time management.
Help me with my time management!
Ask for a payrise.
Pray daily
Finish a jigsaw puzzle
Have a facial
Learn to quilt (might need your help Joanie!!)
Pay off that darn credit card
Stop using that darn credit card
Buy some new shoes - not sensible ones!
Be happy with my lot in life....

Ok, maybe 40 was a bit ambitious.

Happiness is offering who you are to the world and knowing it's enough....

Have a fabulous year everyone, whether it's your 40th, 80th, or 1st.

Moving On

2010-01-18T22:17:00.002+10:30

I have just returned home from a farewell party for some very dear friends of mine.

It was pretty low key and relaxed and I was quite proud of myself for keeping the waterworks in check.

I'm a bit surprised with how I have reacted to the impending move of a family that I consider to be amoung my very best friends.

I've been angry at them, happy for them, sad for them, jealous of them and then back to angry at them. I'm happy that things seem to be falling into place for them after a time of uncertainty. Sad that their move has been forced upon them by a combination of drought, economic downturn and sad that we are losing another farming family from our community. Jealous that I don't get to go too. I've often dreamt of a sea change, or a tree change, or just a change. And I'm more than a little angry that they are leaving me. I mean how dare they.

It's not the end of the world. They aren't leaving the country, not even leaving the state. They will be about 5 hours drive away, which is a pretty long way to call in for a cuppa, but still within reach.

All in all the farewell went well. It was a lovely, relaxed get together where we all had the opportunity to show that we love them and value them. I held it all together until it was time to go. They leave very soon, and not knowing if I would catch up with Craig again (I will have numerous coffee's with Melissa) before they leave I made a point of saying goodbye. He hugged me and told me he loved me (I replied, yeah, well I hate you) and he said he knows, and he's sorry, but it's not like we'll never see each other again. And he's right. We will see them again. But it won't be the same. They won't be just down the road.

It's not fair.

I know this is a new and exciting chapter in their lives. They will be fine. We will be fine.

But it's still not fair.

Lord, please be with Craig and Melissa and their children as they make the final preparations for their move. Please watch over their decisions and help them work together to help and support one another. Keep them in our hearts and minds as they make this huge change in their lives. Most of all be with them and let them feel your love and keep them safe.

Attitude Adjustment

2010-01-06T18:00:00.002+10:30

I think I've come up with my new years resolution.... a little late I know, but being on time isn't my new years resolution!

I've decided to try really hard (with the Lords help of course) to change my attitude toward life. I've had a bit of a "poor me" thing happening of late. And this three weeks off has done wonders toward giving me a little more perspective.

I am incredibly blessed to have a good job which pays well, a loving healthy family both at home and at church and most importantly a God who loves me.

So I'm going to try to be a bit more thankful.

If any of you catch me complaining again feel free to let me know I'm doing it!

2010 is the year for counting my blessings.

Appreciation

2010-01-04T08:42:00.003+10:30

To celebrate New Years this year we went camping with my parents, my brother and his family at a beach not far from home.

New Years day began with coffee and bacon and eggs and then we all went for a walk on the beach. To our surprise and delight we saw some seals frolicking in the water. They were really fast and showing off, jumping out of the water like dolphins and popping up to check we were watching. They were a bit fast to get a photo of, which was a little disappointing, until we rounded a point and found these two lying about on the beach.

They paid no attention to us whatsoever. Just looked at as and went back to sleep. As you can see below Kym was able to get pretty close.

How amazing is it that we were able to witness the beauty of God's creation in the wild like this. It really makes me appreciate that I live in a pretty amazing, unspoilt place.

We spent most of the morning just watching the seals at play, then headed back to our campsite. The afternoon was for beach cricket. Scott loves beach cricket. I was happy to sit in my chair and read (and got sunburnt!).

All in all it was a lovely relaxing day spent with family. Perfect way to see in the New Year.

Happy New Year everyone!!! May your lives be filled with God's blessings.

Holiday Snaps

2009-12-31T10:29:00.003+10:30

These photos are all in reverse order and I really don't have the energy or the inclination to do anything about it so here are some snaps of our holiday going backwards!

The photo above is the view from the Bicentennial Tree at Pemberton. Pemberton is in the South West corner of Western Australia and is in the middle of the Karri Valley which is a wonderful region full of giant Karri Forests, Wineries, Chocolate Factories and most importantly (to Stephanie and Sharon) Cheese Factories. The Bicentennial Tree is a giant Karri tree standing around 240 feet tall. It is one of three trees in the Karri valley that have been made climeable. There are stakes hammered into the tree in a spiral going all the way to the top where there is a viewing platform. These were originally build as fire lookouts but are tourist attractions now.
Here are Kym and Sharon, still in the south west of WA. We are on a suspension bridge over some beautiful water falls. We loved the way this place had an abundance of water and was still so lovely and green in the middle of summer. Very different to what we are used to!

And now we have gone backwards to Christmas day in Perth. It was a pretty warm day so after our Chritmas dinner we headed to the beach. Perth has some lovely beaches and we all had a great time swimming, kicking the football and just relaxing.

Here is Stephanie digging holes in the sand. As you can see it was a beautiful day.

And here we have Stephanie and Scott reliving their childhood at the Perth Zoo. They loved this mini carousel when they were little (we lived near Perth when Steph and Scott were pre-schoolers) and both commented that they remember it being bigger!

Here is Steph doing what she does best, clowning around with one of the displays at the Perth undrewater aquarium. We spent a lovely day out there catching up with some old friends and enjoying a lunch on the boardwalk afterwards.

This is only a snapshot. As you can imagine we took a great deal more photos than this! We had a great holiday and are home for a couple of days now before we head to the shack at the beach for two weeks.

New Years Eve will be spent camping on the beach with my brother, his family and my parents. It's going to be a warm evening so the beach seems to be a good place to spend it!

Happy New Year everyone!

Unwinding

2009-12-19T20:13:00.002+10:30

Well, today my holidays officially started.

I actually enjoyed the 5 hour long car trip to Adelaide. Simply because I wasn't at work. I didn't have to think about work, and returning to work is sufficiently far enough away that I don't have to think about that either!

I read a magazine. I checked out some possible Christmas dinner recipes. I checked out facebook. I even had a nap.

Right now I have just returned from having a lovely dinner with the family (plus one, Steph's boyfriend Dale has joined us for the trip). It was a lovely meal, shared with the people I love. I can actually feel myself unwinding. I didn't realise how tightly wound I was.

Next is a relax in the spa. Followed by a good nights sleep, and then a sleep in before breakfast is delivered. We fly out at 12 noon so we can take our time over a leisurely breakfast. Which is a good thing since it's my 40th birthday! 40! Eeeeeekkkk! But that's an entirely different post!

Blessings to you all! It's lovely to be back and to be able to think clearly and not feel as though there a thousand things I should be doing. I'm on holiday. It's time to slow down.

Enthusiasm

2009-12-18T22:01:00.002+10:30

Today was my last day of work for three whole weeks.

You'd think I'd be a bit excited about that.... I'm sure I will be, any minute now.

Right now I'm just tired. Exhausted. I've spent the entire week trying to make sure that I have everything done. My office is spotless. I've left notes and messages for all the people who are doing bits of my job for me. I've even left instructions for my boss.

The overtime I have worked this week has been astronomical. Which means I will get a nice holiday bonus in my next pay packet.

But this also means that I'm feeling unprepared for our trip. I'm kind of packed. But not to the point where I can relax and feel that I'm under control. I like to be under control. It's important to me to have "all my ducks in a row" as my Mum says.

I can't even muster up the enthusiasm to feel excited about going right now.

Obviously I need to get off the computer and go to bed! Right after I've checked I have everything...

Absent

2009-12-14T22:07:00.002+10:30

I've been a bit absent lately.

To be honest I've always been a bit absent minded, but just now I'm referring to by absentness (is that a word?) from the blog world.

I've spent some time assesing my priorities and have come up with a bit of a list, but it doesn't seem to have helped me find more time in my day.

The good news is that this is my last week before I take 3 weeks holiday. I can't remember the last time I had 3 weeks away from work, other than maternity leave and that wasn't exactly a holiday!

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it! We will spend 2 weeks in Perth, and then a week at the beach. 3 weeks. I'm smiling just at the thought of it.

So, I should be able to find more time to post here, and on facebook if you want to look me up there....I've been a bit "anti" computer when I'm not at work.

A bit of a catch up.... Steph has been having singing lessons once per week in Whyalla, a city about 1 and a half hours drive from here. Her teacher is nothing short of amazing. Positive, caring, enthusiastic and very talented. Just what she needs, it's done wonders for her confidence.

Kym has just completed our best harvest in around 6 years. Praise the Lord! Such a relief to finally see some return for the hard work he puts in year in and year out.

Scott has just had his first day of school holidays and is "bored". He is really looking forward to our holiday. He loves to fly....

I am ridiculously flat out at work. The good season has resulted in a LOT of machinery sales! It's a good thing as it means my job is very secure, but it's an awful lot of hard work!

So..... I'm hoping to be a bit more consistent in my blogging in the coming weeks, and perhaps find something a little more profound to say!

But for now this little black duck is heading to bed.

I will be coming to visit everyone very soon! Promise!

Letting Go

2009-11-26T17:48:00.002+10:30

I have decided that letting go sucks.

It's too hard. I don't want to do it. I am refusing to participate.

This morning I waved goodbye to Steph and her best friend as they headed off to Whyalla to see a movie. All alone. In her own car. Whyalla is a 150km drive and is one of our nearest cities. It's an easy city to drive in, nice wide streets, not too busy. Steph has driven there before...with me.

It was just two girls going out for a fun day together.

And yet I felt physically ill. I have been see-sawing between panic and prayer all day.

I'm a bit surprised at myself. I've never been the hand wringing type. Until now obviously.

They are still in Whyalla at present. Steph has her singing lesson at 6.30pm, which means she will be traveling home at dusk, contending with trucks, headlights and kangaroos. The horrific possibilities are endless, and I can't stop myself from imagining the worst.

Is this normal? Am I a complete basket case?

A very wise friend reminded me today that they are in God's hands, and that he is a much better parent than me (thankfully!). I know this and still I worry.

I will continue to worry and pray until she is home.

I'm hoping it won't be this bad every time she takes a step away from my protection. It's my job to protect her. It's not a job I'm ready or willing to give up!

She may be almost 17, with a licence, a car, responsibilities and a job. BUT SHE IS STILL MY BABY!!!!

Someone get me a paper bag....panic panic panic panic.......

Juggling Act

2009-11-21T21:17:00.002+10:30

I've dropped a few balls just lately in the juggling act of life.

I'm ashamed to admit that regular attendance at church is one of the dropped balls.

As is blogging regularly.

Not to mention the washing, the ironing, the housework.

I feel as though I'm barely keeping my head above water at present. And tomorrow I'm going to take a step toward remedying that by going to church. Church always makes me feel better. Gets my head in tune with my heart and helps me sort out my priorities.

God doesn't want to be my number one priority. He wants EVERY part of me, and rightly so. He should be my ONLY priority. Once I manage to get that right, then everything else just falls into place.

I know this truth.

I'm just really struggling to put it into practice.

Lord, help me get my priorities right, and help me remember that you are my everything, and deserve nothin less than my undivided devotion and attention. Help me with the reality of my life at the moment and get me though this busy time of year with sanity in tact. Please just help me stay on top of my committments and if something needs to go, then help me work out what.

Please Pray

2009-11-01T18:37:00.003+10:30

Last night we lost an absolute legend.

He was an icon at my place of work. Everyone loved him. He was a diamond in the rough with a heart of gold.

Last night one of our mechanics was killed in a car accident at the age of 43.

His 18 year old son also works for us, and is in the third year of his apprenticeship.

Finny was what we call in Australia a really top bloke. I have spent almost 10 years sharing jokes, stories, arguments and laughs with Finny. I loved him dearly.

Finny was also somewhat of a trouble magnet. He got into fights in bars, he drank too much, he swore a LOT, he lost his licence and ended up in court countless times and he drove way way too fast. And last night speed was his downfall.

I feel a bit numb. I haven't really reacted to this terrible news at all. I feel quite removed. I don't know why.

I do know that I am not looking forward to tomorrow. We have a staff of about 20, and we all loved Finny. Everyone has a funny story about Finny. I don't know what we will do without him, or how everyone will react to this tragic, and unneccesary loss.

The worst part is that we won't have time to grieve. We are in the middle of the busiest time of the year. We all must carry on regardless, even though it's the last thing any of us want to do.

So, please pray for all the staff in the coming weeks as we deal with sudden loss of a dearly loved and respected workmate.

Also pray for Finny's girlfriend, who is an ambulance officer and was called to the scene of the accident last night. I can't imagine what she must be going through right now.

Lord, please be with our staff and management tomorrow as we all come to terms with this sudden and tragic loss. Please watch over Finny's girlfriend, his son's and his family as they deal with their loss. I don't know where Finny is now Lord, but I pray that somehow he is with you.

Still Here...

2009-10-27T21:40:00.002+10:30

Just in case you are wondering, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I just seem to be hurtling through life at a ridiculous pace at the moment, and haven't found time to sit and catch up with all my bloggy friends.

So...an update.

Miss Milly is still the darling of the family. Chewing all and sundry. Making off with brooms, shoes, remote controls and basically anything that isn't tied down. The puppy puddles are becoming less frequent (thankfully) and she has settled into a daily routine spending a lot of time with Kym as he goes about his daily jobs. She loves to ride on the motorbike with him, and has been introduced to the sheep.

Kym is frantically getting everything ready for harvest. With the weather warming up the crops have ripened really quickly so he's keen to get into it. The header (or combine, or harvester, depending on where you are from) is still getting the air conditioner fixed so he is getting a little imatient.

Scott is banned from the computer at the moment (which is why I am on here at last!). His attitude leaves a little to be desired, but isn't anything too severe, or difficult to deal with. He is a very busy boy at the moment with squash on Mondays, junior tennis on Tuesdays, Cricket practice on Wednesdays, senior tennis on Friday and Cricket on Saturday. No wonder he's been getting a bit grumpy! He's just starting to get a cold so that isn't helping.

Steph is doing pretty well. She's busy with some assignments that need to be completed in the next couple of weeks. She entered the Search for a Singer contest in Port Lincoln again this year, and again has made it to the finals. She is just starting out with singing lessons on Thursday evenings in Whyalla, which is just over an hour's drive. I hope the teacher is good and she enjoys her lessons. She hasn't really been singing at all lately as she's been pretty down and doubting her ability so I'm glad she's enjoying it again.

And me...well I'm still working, working, working. I'm feeling a bit under the weather myself but not unwell enough to take a day off, just unwell enough to make me short tempered and grumpy (just ask Scott!). I've been a bit absent from church in the past few weeks and it shows. Obviously time to get back into it and work on my relationship with the Lord.

Right. Enough about me. Time for me to come on over and see what you have all been up to!

More Millyness!

2009-10-13T21:30:00.002+10:30

I just had to share this picture!

When Boris first met Milly he was less than impressed. He wouldn't come to me if I smelled of Milly. For two days he refused to look at me, he wouldn't sit on my lap, he sat next to me and pointedly looked at the wall. All of this I found highly amusing!

But, this evening it looks like the ice is melting!

How cute is this? :)

New Addition to the Family

2009-10-13T09:33:00.005+10:30

Introducing Milly! She's the one at the front. We brought Milly home on Friday evening, so have had a weekend full of puppy mischief, puppy love, puppy play and lots of puppy puddles to clean up!

Milly is an Australian Koolie, which is one of the oldest breed of working dog in Australia. They are renowned for their love of working, and have been known to work until they drop just for the sheer love of it. They are extremely active both physically and mentally and are not a breed that you would keep in a backyard, no matter how big. Koolies need to work. They love to work and if they aren't mentally and physically stimulated they will become frustrated and take over your family, your garden and your sanity! If they don't see you as the leader they will take it upon themselves to train you!

So as you can imagine, the decision to bring home this gorgeous little girl wasn't one taken lightly. At the moment she is a gorgeous little bundle of puppy fluff, but soon she will need to be trained for her own good, and for ours.

Koolies aren't the prettiest dog you will ever meet! They are charactarised by their merled coat which comes in red, black or blue (Milly has a bit of all three!) and their blue eyes. Some have one brown eye and one blue. Milly's eyes are both blue.

This is what an Australian Koolie adult looks like. Milly has more black on her than this one, but it gives you a good idea.

I'm planning to document her training and I'm excited to see how she performs. Her breed is almost revered among people who have owned them and worked them and I can't wait to see if she is as good as they say she is.

But it doesn't matter if she isn't. We love her already.

Saturday Afternoon Randomness

2009-10-03T15:15:00.007+09:30

After finishing the washing this afternoon I wandered out to the garden to see what Kym was up to. He was just finishing off planting out his tomato seedlings, so I gave him a hand, then went and got the camera to take a photo of the new plants.
Just as we were finishing up Kym pointed out a baby galah in a nearby tree, so of course I took a photo of him too! His nest is a hollow log that Kym has wired up into the tree. The same family of wild galah's nest there every year. This young fellow wasn't afraid of me at all. I was able to get really close and he happily sat in his nest watching me.

Since I had camera in hand I thought I'd go for a bit of a wander around the farm. Boris (the cat) decided to come with me and we had a pleasant walk on a lovely calm spring afternoon. As you can see we went by the bees, who were busy coming and going loaded up with pollen. If you get really close you can see the pollen on their legs. But I wasn't getting that close!

Of course Boris had to have a rest after all that exercise. He got a bit of a fright when a couple of magpies swooped over his head. They don't appreciate it when you get close to their nest, and they aren't afraid to tell you!

He's a handsome young man isn't he? :)

New Car

2009-10-02T13:39:00.004+09:30

After her little accident a couple of months ago Steph has been without wheels. And that has been a major inconvenience to her.

A week or so ago she got her insurance payout, and with a little help (again) from Mum and Dad she purchased herself a red 1996 Commodore. She loves it. Her boyfriend says it's not a girls car which makes her love it even more. She's never really been a girly girl. Now she is saving for a new stereo and speakers (even though there is nothing wrong with the one in the car).

Last week we had it serviced and fully checked over and found that the exhaust is on the way out. So Steph convinced us to let her have a sports exhaust, so now it sounds really cool. And it definately doesn't sound like a girls car.

Lord, please keep Stephanie safe as she is driving more and more. Keep her focussed and help her be aware of other road users and stay out of their way! Especially trucks!

Father vs Daughter

2009-09-28T13:11:00.002+09:30

Sometimes I feel like the meat in the sandwich between Kym and Steph.

They are very similar people. They can both be abrupt, impatient and demanding. However both fail to see these traits in themselves, only in each other.

Last week was a turbulent one in our household. Sometimes I feel like they run around lighting fires and then they expect me to run around and put them out.

We are now in school holidays, and Steph has gone to spend a few days at a friend's house, and then later in the week she is spending some time with her cousin.

In short she is avoiding her father. And he knows it. And he is too stubborn to back down and do something about it. Neither of them are willing to admit to any fault on their behalf. I can see it, it's blatantly obvious. Kym is over critical, Steph is over sensitive. Both are OVER stubborn. And I am OVER IT!

I feel a bit helpless. And a lot frustrated. I just want to bang their heads together and tell them both to get over it.

So, I shall pray. And pray, and pray some more. Because it worries me that they are both going to be so stubborn that they will permanently damage their relationship.

Assesing the damage.

2009-09-22T08:15:00.004+09:30

As you may know from my last post, yesterday Eyre Peninsula suffered the worst hail storm in most people's memory. There were reports of hailstones the size of golf balls and some the size of tennis balls. Now that's a big chunk of ice falling out of the sky!

It was amazing to stand at the window and watch the world turn white. The football oval at the school looked like it was covered in snow. This is not something we are accustomed to seeing!

I spoke to Kym (who was shearing and said the noise was deafening inside a shearing shed) after the storm front had passed and he estimated that we had suffered approximately 30% crop loss due to hail damage.

When I got home we went for a bit of a look around. And we are thinking now it's more like 50%. But as I said yesterday, for us at least, all is not lost. Our crop is insured for $300 per tonne, and the price of wheat at the moment is closer to $200 so we may in fact be better off. But I'm hearing sad reports that there are several farmers in our community who either weren't insured against hail damage, or weren't insured for enough. Insurance is expensive (as I'm sure you well know) and after four years of drought it's often the first expense to be cut back on. I'm so glad we didn't decide to do that.

The picture below shows where our wheat heads are now. On the ground. Not where they belong!

This wheat crop yesterday morning was waist high. It is now a tangled and broken mess on the ground.

And our garden didn't fair very well either. The tree below had leaves in the morning. They are now all over the ground. I wonder if Scott will be interested in earning some extra pocket money by raking up the leaves!

Kym is upset by the crop loss....but he is really upset by the loss of his veggies! This was a lovely big cabbage....not anymore.

Kym is quite philosophical about it all. We might get away a bit earlier for our Christmas holiday this year, because harvest won't take very long!

We are ok. But I worry about those with little or no insurance. Please pray for these people, this could be the last straw for many of them.

Wild Weather

2009-09-21T10:31:00.006+09:30

After a fantastic weekend, with lovely calm, warm, sunny days today has been a bit of a surprise...

The forecast for this week was for possible storms and showers of rain. As you can see from the picture below we got a little more than just showers.

We heard that the hail was coming, through messages from people who had just had the storm front pass and had time to move all the machinery and our cars undercover.

I'm glad we did! We left one old ute outside and it's bearing the scars now. We've heard from a friend of my bosses who was caught driving in it and had his windscreen smashed.

The good news is that at the moment it's raining. Really raining. Just praying that the hail didn't cause too much damage to our crops.

**Update** I've just managed to speak to Kym and he said we have suffered around 30% crop loss due to hail damage. Luckily we are insured against hail, so it's not going to be a financial loss, and the price we have our wheat insured for is actually more than the price of wheat per tonne at the moment so Kym isn't too concerned. It's still raining, and the thunder and lightening has just started up again.

Others aren't so lucky. Some have their crops insured against fire but not hail and this will be devastating.

The Other Woman

2009-09-19T17:13:00.006+09:30

I often joke that I am not the only woman in my husband's life.

He is a motorbike enthusiast, and the proud owner of a Triumph Sprint 955. For those of you who don't know, thats a pretty cool road bike.

She is the other woman.

Luckily I get to share. Today, being a beautiful spring day we decided to go for a ride. We went to Arno Bay, which isn't far from home, but we went the long way, because on a motorbike it's more about the ride than the destination.

The thing I love the most about riding on the back of the motorbike is how free it feels. You can not only see everything, but you can smell it and hear it too. As you can see it was a beautiful day.

As you can see I feel perfectly safe on the back of a motorbike. So much so that I can take photos of myself in the rear vision mirror! We weren't moving very fast here, as Kym is a bit precious about riding his bike on the dirt. He is up at the shed now, polishing it as we speak!

As I said, we went to Arno Bay. We rode down to the boat ramp and marina to have a look around and see how many boats were out fishing. And just for Joanie, I've snapped a photo of myself, helmet hair and all!

And here she is. The other woman. Even I have to admit, she's pretty gorgeous.

Lord, thankyou for the wonderful afternoon Kym and I have spent together. Thankyou for giving us the opportunity to take time out and just enjoy each other's company.

Changing Seasons

2009-09-19T08:51:00.002+09:30

September/October is my favourite time of year.

It's the time of year when life slows down. Just a tad. Football season is over, and for a couple of weeks before tennis and cricket start we get to spend Saturday at home.

September is a time when I look forward to Christmas (I LOVE Christmas), Summer holidays, Sunshine and of course, the beach.

You know I think it's more fun looking forward to these things each year than actually experiencing them!

Now is the time for us to just stop. Catch our breath. Relax.

In two weeks Scott will start playing cricket which means early Saturday mornings, but at least it still leaves Saturday afternoon free. Kym, Scott, Steph and I will start tennis which is usually played on a Friday night.

Sometime in the middle of October we will start harvesting. Which means I will become a single parent for about 6 weeks. This is a lot easier now than it used to be. It was hard work with young children, I hated it. Doesn't bother me at all now, in fact I quite enjoy having a few weeks where I get to be the keeper of the remote!

At the moment Kym is busy getting the harvester ready for action, and just making sure all the odd jobs are done around the farm that he won't have time to do during harvest. Now that Scott is older it's his responsibility to check on the sheep each day while Kym is busy. At least this year they still have plenty of feed in the paddocks. This time last year Scott was busy each day feeding them hay.

Our crops are hanging on. We are luckier than some in our district. We have had a couple of showers of rain in the past few days, and there is supposed to be more coming next week. All we need is one more good rain. And the grain prices to go up a bit!

All in all, we are in a stronger position this year than we were last year, and that's good news.

Lord thankyou for this time to rest and recover from the busy winter season. I pray that spring will bring about favourable weather so that our crops can fill out and reach their full potential. I pray for those who are facing another bad year, with failed crops. Be with them. Show them that you are there and that they can rely on you.

What a Weekend...

2009-09-15T14:43:00.003+09:30

I'm still recovering from my weekend. I need another one to get over it.

We started Saturday morning at 4am (not a typo...I kid you not!). Princess Stephanie wanted as much shopping time as humanly possible. So we left home at 4.30am.

We arrived in Port Augusta at 8am for breakfast at McDonalds.

Then back in the car. After a quick stop for fuel we arrived in Adelaide at around 10.30am. Plenty of time to hit the shops.

And hit the shops we did, until around 4pm when with tempers fraying and exhaustion setting in we headed to Kym's Aunty where we stayed for the weekend.

We enjoyed a lovely dinner with Kym's Aunt and Uncle and then settled in to watch the footy. I never made it through the game and ended up in bed by 9.30pm. It had been a long (and expensive) day!

Sunday was Stephanie's big day. We had to be at the theatre by 9am for her to be registered, and for her dress to be taken away and judged by the judges. In the meantime she met some girls of similar age and interests and set about chatting and getting to know them. Then it was off to the catwalk for a rehearsal. All the girls were put through their paces, and told where to stand, when to turn, when to walk, and timed. It was all very precise!

After rehearsal it was time to start dressing and doing hair and makeup. This was absolute mayhem as 90 girls vied for mirror space and power points. But they seemed to make it work without too much trouble, helping each other out with hair styles, and Steph was able to help a couple of girls with their makeup.

The fashion show started at 1.30pm, and went until around 4pm. Each category (casual wear, evening wear, fantasy) was put through their paces with the winners announced at the end of the show. Out of about 50 entrants, Steph finished in the top 10 of her category (evening wear). She was really happy with that and loved every minute of the experience.

We then went out for tea to celebrate. It was lovely to just spend some time together and enjoy each other's company. I know we live together but we don't often just hang out together.

We got back to Kym's Aunt's at about 10pm, and sat around visiting with them, drinking coffee and chatting before heading off to bed.

Yesterday we left Adelaide at around 9am. Kym decided that 9am city traffic would be a good time for Steph to experience city driving (?). She was fine, and quite pleased with herself.

We stopped in Whyalla on the way home to do some grocery shopping and to pick up some fabric for Steph's next creation (she's making herself a couple of summer tops), and arrived home at around 5pm.

Scott and I had a quick bite to eat before we had to get back in the car and head to Arno Bay for squash. I won, Scott lost in a 5 set marathon. We both fell into bed once we got home (after checking facebook of course!)

So here I am at work. A bit spaced out. A lot tired and even more grumpy.

It's only Tuesday....bring on the weekend!

PS...we weren't allowed to take photos of the fashion parade, but have to buy photos from the photographer. Will post them when I have them.

Drought

2009-09-08T11:12:00.004+09:30

As most who read my blog are aware our community has been in the grips of a drought for the past 3 or 4 years.

Year after year we have put our crop in, only to have the rain dry up in August and leaving us with little or no yield.

We are surviving, and the promise of this year's crop is keeping us going. Here we are in September with crops still looking green and fresh. Even if it stops raining now we will still get a crop, and that's good news.

The bad news is that it's too late for some.

The harsh reality is that we are facing losing some families from our district. And they are our friends. Very dear friends.

I don't want them to go...

Up until now I've taken the ostrich approach. If I don't think about it, it won't happen. Just call me Scarlet O'Hara. I'll think about it tomorrow.

Well, I'm afraid tomorrow is here. At church on Sunday we had a guest speaker who lost his family home and his father in the terrible bushfires in Victoria last summer.

His message was one of hope, and resilience, and that when you lose all you have it makes you realise what is really important. He then played "It Is Well With My Soul" on his saxophone. And that was it for me. The floodgates opened. I was a dribbling mess without a tissue in sight. Eyeliner and mascara everywhere...not pretty.

There I sat in church, with two dear friends on either side of me, both facing losing everything, both with tears streaming down their faces.

And it really hit home.

They really are leaving.

These families will leave a huge hole in our community, and in my life.

And I still don't want to think about it.

End of the Season

2009-09-06T14:21:00.002+09:30

Well....yesterday we lost. So netball is over for my team for another year.

But for me I've decided that netball is over. Full stop. Period. The end.

The last four or five games have been a real struggle for me. I've had some difficult personalities in the team to deal with, illness, teenage drama and my body has really started to complain about the punishment I give it every time I take the court.

So that's it for me.

At the moment I'm comfortable with the decision. Relieved even. I have been over committing in all sorts of areas of my life of late and taking netball out of the equation should make next winter a whole lot easier for me. And for those who have to live with me!

Bring on Summer...my favourite time of year.

Annual Sillyness

2009-09-04T19:23:00.005+09:30

Every year our netball association gets together for a dinner where the best and fairest votes are counted for each grade. There is a theme every year and each club comes dressed up.

Last year we were cheerleaders. This year the theme was uniforms, so we came as fire fighters. It was pretty easy, all our husbands are voluteers for the Country Fire Service so we "borrowed" their uniforms for a day (luckily there wasn't a fire!). We even arrived on a firetruck and had a huge time driving around the town squirting unsuspecting gardeners in their gardens (only the one's we knew well enough to know they wouldn't mind!).

Once we got off the truck and finished playing with hoses it was time to move inside and decorate our table. There is a prize for the best dressed club and best decorated table. We didn't win!
Here is Stephanie and her friend Sophie posing with our mascot. The mascot of the Country Fire Service is Smokey the Koala. He visits schools every year teaching kids to "stop, drop an roll!".

And here is fire fighter Sharon applying lip gloss....because no one said we weren't allowed to be pretty fire fighters! And fire is hot! It dries your lips out, and we don't want chapped lips now do we!

It was a fun day out as it always is. A time for us all to put our competiveness aside and just enjoy each other's company.

School Photo Day

2009-09-02T12:29:00.004+09:30

School photo day brought a great deal of stress to my household when I was growing up. I was a perfectionist. I HAD to be wearing my neatest, cleanest uniform, perfectly ironed. I took a brush to school so that I could re do my hair moments before the photo was taken. I was mortified if I got a pimple before school photo day.... I made SUCH a big deal of it.

As you can see, Stephanie has inherited this need to look perfect from her mother. Her hair is just so (usually her hair is dragged into a very messy pony tail, and doesn't see a brush for days on end), she is wearing her favourite school shirt, she has taken great care to make sure she is smiling nicely. The school photo from this year becomes the photo on her student ID for next year so it is VERY important to her. Thank goodness our student ID didn't have a photo, imagine the panic that would have caused me!

Scott on the other hand couldn't care less. He was talking during the taking of his photo. He is always talking. Although from a parental perspective, as the one who is paying for the photo I think it could be nice if they tried to get a good one. I mean there is no excuse these days with digital photography. I guess they have a lot of photos to take in one day, but really, could you just ask him to smile?

I'm glad school photo day is over for another year... only one to go for Stephanie, and being her last one she will be really keen to make sure it's perfect. If she is anything like her mother that is.

Isn't it wonderful that God doesn't care when we are having a bad hair day? He thinks we are all beautiful. We were created in His image afterall.

He Loves Me.

2009-08-31T13:48:00.003+09:30

A few years ago, just as I was drifting off to sleep I felt the Lord tell me He loves me. I didn't hear him say it, I felt it, at the core of my being. It's hard to explain. But it was a wonderful warm feeling of peace and wellbeing.

I remember feeling completely amazed and honoured that the Lord would choose to communicate with me in this way, at a time when I really needed the encouragement.

I've spent the past few days reading a fantastic book, called "The Shack". You may have heard of it. This book is doing wonders for me. It's turning upside down by misconceptions about the church, religion, and most importantly what it means to love.

Last night as I went to sleep, with the Lord at the forefront of my mind (where He should be all the time) I felt it again.

He loves me.

The feeling of warmth and peace reverberrated throughout my entire body. I felt it physically. It was wonderful. Amazing. Uplifting and encouraging. And just what I needed.

My challenge now is to remember it. Remember that no matter how bad my day is getting (and it seems to be going from bad to worse), no matter what curve balls life is throwing at me that I will be ok. Because God loves me.

Thankyou Lord for showing me how much you Love me. Thank you for loving me. I'm so sorry that I constantly disappoint you, that I forget to have faith in you and that I let worry and lifes pressures consume my attention when I should be focusing on you and only you. Help me to turn back to you every time that I turn away.

Teenagers are awful...

2009-08-26T10:00:00.002+09:30

Sometimes being a teenager comes down to survival of the fittest. Attack is the best form of defence, kill or be killed....

In my previous post I told you about how Steph has been having trouble at school with one of the boys turning nasty on her.

She conducted herself pretty well throughout this, not replying to his text messages, deleting him off facebook and bascically turning the other cheek. She spoke to both her school counsellor, and the principal and they have been supportive and helped her feel that people cared about her and that they were there to help.

The same can't be said for some of her friends. She has some great friends. They are loyal and protective.

And their loyalty has meant that they have turned the tables on the lad in question.

They are making his life a misery.

Stephanie is flattered that her friends care enough to want to protect her. The message I've been trying to get across is that they are now treating him in the same way he treated her. And that's not right.

I'm not excusing his behaviour in any way. Not at all.

But he is a human being. He is someone's son. At the moment he is going home from school miserable and hurting, and I know how that feels as a parent.

Two wrongs do not make a right.

I'm really struggling to convey this to Stephanie. She is still full of anger (and the boy isn't helping himself by continuing to say mean things about her) and in no mood to forgive. She thinks he's getting what he deserves. Forgiveness has always been an issue for her. She has always held a grudge. She will bring up past hurts years later.

So how do you get a kid who has been hurt to forgive? How do you soften their heart to prevent it from becoming bitter and hard?

Lord, I pray that Stephanie can find it in her heart to forgive. She can be so compassionate and caring and I pray that she can see that the hurt being inflicted on this boy is equal to what was inflicted on her, and it's not her or her friends job to judge or hand out punishment. Please be with this young man as he struggles to endure the consequences of his actions. Please help him to forgive also and help them both to move on and get along. I pray for his parents as they deal with a difficult teen, I pray that they can find the right words to encourage him.

Just when you thought it was safe....

2009-08-21T16:54:00.002+09:30

Aside from the little run in with that truck, life with the teenage princess has been running pretty smoothly of late.

She is looking at her study options and career options, and thinking carefully about her subject choices for next year. She is working well at school (I won't say working hard because I'm sure she could do more!) and seems to be learning to get along with teachers, even the ones she doesn't like.

She has a lovely boyfriend, who is respectful, caring and responsible. Just the right type of boy to take home and introduce to your parents. Only we already knew him, and his parents, and his grandparents...the joys of a small country town!

We got word this week that the dress design she entered into a Teenage Fashion Award has made it to the state final, and she will be modelling her design next month in Adelaide.

Suffice to say we've been cruising along merrily, almost ready to sigh with relief that the dreaded years of teenage angst have come to an end.

Of course you know where I'm headed.....yesterday the wheels fell off....again....

Last week a boy from her class told her he loved her (via text). I'm not sure exactly what she said but I get the general idea that she didn't exactly let him down gently.

So now he's turned nasty. I mean really nasty. I can't repeat the names he has been calling her verbally or the venomous text messages he's been sending her. She has blocked his number. She is trying to ignore him at school which is difficult as he is in almost all of her classes.

I had to pick her up from school yesterday because she was so distressed.

I've tried to encourage her to deal with the problem, firstly by speaking to him and if that doesn't work to go to the school counsellor. She did this today and that seems to have made things worse.

I feel like we are back to square one. She doesn't want to go to school. She is coming home crying and upset.

But, unlike this time last year when she fell into a big heap, I'm pretty calm. While its not great to see your child suffer, this time I think she is handling it a little better. She doesn't want me to step in and take care of it, while she says she wants to run away, deep down I think she knows that she will be ok.

And I know she will. Because I am praying for her, and the Lord is watching over her. It's incredibly comforting to know that the Lord will always be there for her. He loves her even more than I do.

Lord, please watch over Stephanie as she deals with the issues she faces at school. I pray that she can learn from this experience and grow stronger as a result. I pray for the boy in question, I pray that he can understand that hurting Stephanie like this isn't going to make him feel any better, and inevitabley he is hurting himself more. I pray that Stephanie can deal with him calmly and tactfully, and that her friends will support her and care for her while she is at school. I pray that she will realise that she has you to support her, and that she can always rely on that.

Hit by a Truck

2009-08-17T13:17:00.003+09:30

This morning I had that terrible phone call.

"Mum I think I need a new car"

My first thought was she couldn't start it, or it had broken down. Her next sentence made me feel physically ill.

"I've been hit by a truck"

Obviously she wasn't badly injured or she wouldn't be ringing me....but still...that is not a sentence you ever want to hear from your 16 year old daughter.

I arrived at the scene of the accident to find a very shaken, crying Stephanie and a very shaken (although not crying) truck driver trying to comfort her. And one sad and broken little car.

Stephanie wasn't well this morning but insisted on going to school. She survived the first two lessons before ringing me and asking if it was ok to go home. She was in her own car today (because we had an inkling that she wouldn't be well enough to make it through the whole day) so I told the school that it was ok for her to go home.

She stopped at the intersection. Looked right, looked left and then made the mistake of entering the intersection without looking right again.

Brian (the truck driver) praised her for not hesitating, for speeding up once she saw him, because if she had hesitated the result could have been much worse than a broken and bent little car.

Needless to say Stephanie is extremely shaken. And so is Sharon. When I think what could have happened...if the truck had hit her in the centre of the car and not just clipped that back end...it just doesn't bear thinking about. It wasn't a small truck, it was a fully loaded semi trailer.

Lord, thankyou for watching over Stephanie and keeping her safe today. I pray that you stay with her now as she recovers from her near miss and comfort her.

Choices

2009-08-14T08:44:00.002+09:30

When Stephanie was little I loved taking her to toy shops. Well most of the time I loved it, the times when she had thrown herself on the floor drumming her heels in a fit of rage weren't so much fun, but thankfully she grew out of that.

When Stephanie was around 4 years old I really started to enjoy taking her shopping. Especially toy shopping. We would head down to Perth (we were living in WA then) and I loved taking her to Toys R Us. I would let her choose something, and she'd choose a barbie outfit. I would say "I'd like to get you something better than that" and we'd come out with the new Polly Pocket, complete with dress ups and pets and those cute little shoes. This became a bit of a pattern, she'd choose something, I would upgrade.

It didn't take long for Stephanie to work out that her mum loves toys, and her mum loves to give presents. Before long she would say "I don't know what to get, you choose", she had worked out that my choices were often better than hers.

We want the best for our kids. It's only natural. When you think about it, how much more does the Lord want for us? What are we missing out on by insisting we choose for ourselves?

"But not my will, but yours, will be done"

To be honest I'm a bit afraid of fully committing to that. I'm a little on the stubborn side, and I'm a little afraid of what the Lord's will is. What if he wants me to go where I don't want to go, or do what I don't want to do?

But I remember, and I keep reminding myself, and the Lord keeps reminding me, that it may not be my will, but it will always be what is best for me.

My challenge is to not be afraid to let the Lord choose for me.

Lord, please help me to remain focused on you. Help me to listen to your word and your commands and be aware of your presence in my life. Show me where you want me to go Lord, help me follow.

Mouse Races

2009-08-10T10:32:00.004+09:30

On Saturday night at our netball and football club we held our second annual mouse races.

The kids loved it!

I tried to get some photos but it was difficult as the flash reflected against the perspex but I've found this picture to give you an idea.

They built a big board with rows (a little wider than mouse height) and perspex at the front so we could see the mice running. The mice were put into one end, and a board was removed when it was time to race.

Before each race everyone had an opportunity to buy a mouse. If your mouse won you won a prize and the proceeds from buying the mice went to raise money for the football and netball clubs.

We formed a group and all put $5 in to buy our mice. We didn't get one single good mouse. None of our mice even started running. Well, one did but he ran across half way and then turned around and went back!

If a mouse got loose the kids were told that whoever catches it wins $10. There were a few escapees but they were all retrieved and returned. I think chasing the mice was the most enjoyable part for the kids.

It was a great family night out, and a great fundraiser for the club.

Toothless

2009-08-08T10:45:00.002+09:30

The removal of my wisdom tooth went well yesterday. I didn't bleed much which was a blessing, and today I'm feeling ok.

The biggest issue was finding a vein to put the drip in. My veins have never been cooperative when it comes to finding them with a needle.

I actually felt sorry for the aneathetist, he was so apologetic. I assured him that it wasn't his fault, and this happens ALL the time but I don't think it made him feel any better.

In the end he put me under with gas first (which tastes dreadful) and then put the drip in once I was asleep.....which makes me wonder why don't they do it that way all the time? The gas doesn't taste so great but it certainly doesn't hurt, unlike being jabbed 4 times looking a vein!

Anyhoo...I woke up after having a very pleasant time swimming with dolphins somewhere off a pacific island, in a bikini, because I was thin, without a wisdom tooth.

I still have one wisdom tooth but this one seems to be behaving itself so far. The first two I had out in the chair when I was 20, and I have to say that even though I'm not keen on a general anaesthetic I much prefer having a tooth removed while swimming with dolphins than wide awake listening to drills!

I'm not allowed to drink hot drinks for a couple of days (which means luke warm tea!), and chewing is difficult, but other than that I'm fine.

Today I'm being forced to take it easy. I feel fine. Really I do. Kym wouldn't let me go to footy, he says I have to stay home and rest.....I'm doing the washing, because I'm SUCH a rebel!

Kym will come and pick me up and take me back to the club around 6pm, because tonight we are having mouse races! Stay tuned....I will take photos!

Thanks so much for your prayers and thoughts. Everything worked out really well. The nerve the dentist was worried about is still intact, tooth is removed and I'm only in a little discomfort.

Lord, thank you for watching over me and the surgeons hands yesterday. Thank you that I am healing quickly and thank you for all my wonderful friends who have been praying for me. Thank you for my lovely family who have been fussing over me, making me jelly and squishy food and warm cups of tea. I feel truly blessed and loved.

Dental Drama part 986

2009-08-05T15:13:00.003+09:30

Last week my dentist finally finished the root canal treatment I've been enduring over the past couple of months. Ouch.

On Friday I'm going under general anaesthetic in hospital to have a wisdom tooth removed. I have to say that when the Oral surgeon said he'd prefer to put me under for the procedure I was quite relieved.

I've had this wisdom tooth for a long time without it causing me any trouble whatsoever, until late last year. I put up with it for a really long time before I went to the dentist, only to find that it was infected and beyond repair and needed to come out.

Great.

Lesson number 1 - if you have a tooth ache - GO TO THE DENTIST! It hurts for a reason!

This tooth runs really close to a nerve along the bottom of my jaw (can't remember the name of the nerve) and the dentist didn't want to touch it, so I was referred to an oral surgeon.

Lesson number 2 - DO NOT put off going to the dentist! What could have been a filling has now become a major drama because I took the ostrich approach!!!!

The oral surgeon said that because I'd let it get so bad before seeing the dentist there wasn't much left of the tooth above the gum line and it would have to be cut out.

Lesson number 3 - If you have a broken tooth DO NOT ignore it! It's much easier for an infection to get inside a broken tooth. Go to the dentist IMMEDIATELY!!!

So....On Friday morning, sometime between 8am and 1pm South Australian time I will be knocked out and have the tooth surgically removed. Any prayers during this time would be greatly appreciated!

I have another chipped tooth I noticed the other day....

Doesn't hurt though, I don't think I'll worry about going to the dentist just yet. ;)

The Alpha Male

2009-08-02T14:52:00.003+09:30

Scott has always wanted to be just like his Dad....

And then he started oozing testosterone.....

Now he wants to BEAT his Dad, at EVERYTHING!

Kym has always been an exceptional sportsperson. He has retired from football but is still playing at number 1 in our tennis and squash teams, and still playing a high standard of golf.

Scott has potential in the sporting arena, but I'm afraid he doesn't have quite the amount of natural talent that his father does (that's probably my fault! LOL! Bad genes!).

Scott's tennis is improving every year and he aspires to one day beat Kym. Which will happen eventually (as Kym gets older and Scott learns to stop smashing the ball and place it). The tennis competiveness runs in the family, Kym remembers well the first time he beat his father.

Scott is almost as tall as his Dad, and every now and then he likes to challenge Kym to something to do with strength, in the hope that one day he will win.

Last night the challenge was arm wrestling...

Kym likes to "play" with him a bit, giving him the false impression he has a chance!

But he never lets him win. He says that Scott will beat him soon enough, and then never let him forget it!

Lord, thankyou that Scott has such a great father to look up to and aspire to. Thank you that Kym is such a wonderful loving father and such a fantastic example to both Steph and Scott. I pray that they will always have the close relationship that they share now.

Bushwalking

2009-08-01T15:14:00.004+09:30

We have a beautiful bushwalking and picnicing area not far from home. We haven't visited it in quite a few years but after the recent rain in that area Kym and I thought we'd go see if there was any water in the creek......

Well, there was! Beautiful clear pristine running water. This area is known as Wharminda Soaks, we just call it "the soaks". The hills on either side of this little creek soak in the rain and it seeps out of the rocks into the creek. There is water at the top of the soak all year round, but during the past few years it has been reduced to a few small puddles. The creekbed is usually dry with a few pools of water that increase in size and depth as you get closer to the top. Kym can't remember the last time the creek bed had running water at the bottom like you can see in the photo above.

Here I am at the top of the soak. You can't really see it in the photo but the rocks behind me are wet, the dark rocks on the left are seeping water out from them, and REALLY slippery to walk on!

Here is the view as we headed back down. You can usually climb up this "dry" creek bed without any problems. Today we had to deal with slippery wet rocks and wet feet!

It was a lovely way to spend our Saturday. We finished with a picnic in the picnic area and a slow drive home...Kym was checking out all the flowering shrubs seeing which ones were attracting bees. Of course.

Lord thank you for the lovely time spent with Kym today. Thank you for opening my eyes to the beauty all around me. I'm in awe of your creation.

Objections

2009-07-29T08:45:00.002+09:30

As most of you are aware, I am married to a man who won't come to church.

This has been something an object of frustration for me for many many years.

Last night Kym said to me that he really enjoys the company and gets along really well with all the people at our church. All of our friends are members of our church. He has known many of them all his life.

He just doesn't like church.

I pointed out that church has changed a lot since he was forced to sit in the pews for 18 years. We are a much more relaxed bunch now, and he said himself that he enjoys the company of everyone there.

He doesn't sing. When we all stand to sing he feels out of place.

I said that when I am worship leading I notice that quite a few of the men don't sing. It's not compulsory. You can still listen, hear the message and worship without singing.

He said he has never sat in that church and felt comfortable. He's never considered it a place where he wants to be. He never once in all the 18 years that he went to church every Sunday thought that "this is a good thing, I want to be here".

I commented again that church has changed since he was there.

While I don't think that this means Kym will be coming to church with me in the near future, the fact that he is willing to discuss it is a giant step forward, and fills me with hope.

Lord, thankyou that Kym feels he wants to talk to me about attending church. I pray that you will give me the right things to say in future discussions of this nature. This is the first time we've really talked about attending church without it turning into an argument and I thank you for that. Please continue to soften Kym's heart and help him to open it up to you.

I shouldn't be surprised but....

2009-07-27T09:23:00.004+09:30

Would you believe that our sermon at church this week was entitled "Are you too busy for God?"

Do you think the Lord is trying to tell me something? :)

There was a great analogy that I'd like to share....

A little boy was walking with his family on the beach, collecting shells as he went, when he saw a beautifuly big starfish floating out in the water.

His father encouraged him to go grab it, it wasn't too far out so go right ahead. He ran a little way into the water but came back out, looking frustrated.

His father said "go on, go ahead and grab it, it's right there" So he went back into the water again and went a little further but then turned around and ran back out, looking really frustrated this time.

His father encouraged him again "it's right there in front of you, you were nearly there, just reach out and grab it". So the little boy went in again, this time getting right up to the starfish. He looked at it but came back out of the water again.

His father said "what's the problem? you were right there, just reach out and grab hold of it" to which the little boy frustratedly replied "I can't, my hands are full of shells".

That really opened my eyes. I am not fully committing my life to God. I beat myself up about not being a good enough wife and mother, but I don't commit my family to the Lord. I try to do good things in the community and be a productive member of society, but I don't seek the Lord's counsel on what I should and shouldn't be involved in.

I can't do everything on my own.

That's a bit of a revelation for me.

So, my new aim is to give myself, my life, my family, my everything to the Lord. Not just little snippets, everything, and trust him to take my life where He want's it to go.

"Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord for thee" The first line of a song (that I chose!) that we sang on Sunday. The chorus sings "Here am I, all of me. Take my life, it's all for thee." I chose to include that song in worship this week because it's a new one the congregation has been learning, and it sounds pretty. Well, that's why I thought I was choosing it. The Lord obviously had something to tell me...

Lord, help me to hand everything over to you, and to seek you in all things. Help me to hear your counsel, and be open to hearing your word. Help me to dedicate time during my day to spend with you. I committ my family to you now Lord. Help me to trust in you, and remember that you are the only one who cares for them more than I do.

Priorities and Commitments

2009-07-24T08:20:00.002+09:30

Some comments on my previous post (thankyou ladies!) has made me think that maybe I should sit down and asses my priorities and commitments. I'm obviously spreading myself too thin and perhaps now is a good time to think about how I actually spend my time....

My job - it's full time, around 40 hours per week. Also uses a lot of my mental and physical energy and there's often not much left in the tank by the time I arrive home. I would dearly love to cut back on this, but that's not financially viable at the moment. Praying for some direction here, as I'd love a change, but if God wants me here, then I guess that's where I will be staying.

My family - they are also full time! The kids need to be driven to their sporting commitments, nagged to do their homework and clean their rooms, supervised on the computer (Scott mostly), and have their arguments refereed. I think poor Kym gets the least attention, because he can look after himself and I forget he needs me too. Of course there are the chores that everyone with a family has to do, washing (no Joanie, not ironing!), tidying, cooking etc.

My church - I worship lead around three months of the year. This involves planning songs, practising new ones, preparing the power point presentation, liasing with ministers/speakers and of course the important bit, actually worship leading on a Sunday. I'm also on our ministry team which meets monthly to oversee the general well being and pastoral care of the church, and I'm the secretary of the congregation which is a quarterly meeting. One term per year I teach Sunday school which to be honest I don't really enjoy so much anymore.

Our school - I am on the governing council committee for our school, which meets monthly. I am also on the school uniform committee which meets when required, the IT committee and since I'm the treasurer of governing council I have to be on the finance committee.

My sport - I play, coach and umpire netball most Saturday's from April to September which takes a great deal of physical and mental energy each week. I love the game, but not the politics that come with it, or the way my body feels after playing. I know this is something I should be able to let go but haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet. During summer I play tennis, and I'm the secretary of our tennis club. I'm also the captains wife so I generally write up the teams (because you can read my handwriting) and this has the added perk of having a say in who my doubles partner is! In Autumn and Spring I play squash with Scott (well, not actually with him, he's better than me so plays higher, but we go together). This happens on a Monday night after work.

Mary Kay with Steph - It feels like I have two jobs when this gets busy, but it has the benefit of being flexible, and we are able to do parties when we have time, or when we can make the time. Most Mary Kay parties are held on Friday nights or Sunday afternoons. I'm looking forward to summer as I will have more Saturday's free then.

Out of all that I'm thinking netball is the obvious thing to drop. Although I would still have to go on a Saturday to watch Steph and Scott play, and being there I would still help out with scoring, timing, umpiring etc.

Everything would be so much easier if I didn't have to work....but I do so I may as well stop sulking about it and toughen up.

I guess what I need to do now is pray about it. Try to work out what stays and what goes.

Lord, please help me to see what is important in my life and what isn't. Help me to prioritise my committments so that Iam able to best serve you and care for my family.

I want to run away.

2009-07-23T10:14:00.002+09:30

I'm serious! I really do want to run away.

Life is just bugging me at the moment. And rather than deal with it, I'd just like to run away.

There is nothing specific that I can really put my finger on. I think I'm just tired and feeling run down and unappreciated.

Work is getting busier and busier, with new responsibilities and tasks added here and there. Nothing major, but it builds up.

Nothing drastic has happened at home. The kids are relatively happy (as happy as teenagers get I imagine), Kym isn't stressing any more than usual about the rain, the crops, the weeds, the drought.

I think I've just reached a point where I either need to ask for help or fall into a heap. I feel as though I spend my life meeting other people's needs and demands. It feels like there is no one taking care of me, and I don't have time to take care of me because I'm spending all my time taking care of them.

Sigh.

I don't have any answers. I'm really really bad at telling people how I feel. Really bad. I don't like to admit to any kind of weakness. People comment to me all the time that they don't know how I do it. Well I don't know either. And I don't know how much longer I can go before the wheels fall off.

Like I said. I just want to run away.

Football Clubs

2009-07-21T08:38:00.002+09:30

Football in our community is more than just a sport. For those who don't know God(and for a few that do) it's a religion. People feel very strongly about it.

Our family are members of the Rudall Community Sports Club. This is a family oriented club, where we play netball, football, tennis, cricket and softball. We have a great sense of community. We look after each other and support one another. I love this club where I have grown up and where my children have grown up.

Our arch rivals are Cleve. For as long as I can remember we have loved to hate Cleve. But for the most part it's been a friendly rivalry which has remained on the field.

I'm afraid that may be about to change....

Cleve have in the past few years really started to struggle with numbers. Their senior football are having trouble finding two teams each week. Their solution is to amalgamate with Rudall.

Cleve and Rudall are so different in their makeup, and their philosophy, and their priorities.

Cleve are successful on the field, but not doing so well off it. Their netball and football clubs are seperate entities and don't talk to each other. Their club is run as seperate little clubs. On a Saturday night after a home game the Cleve football club is empty by 7.30pm. Their clubroom is old, rundown, and in need or replacement.

Rudall hasn't won an A grade football premiership since the 70's. But they have plenty of players who love being there. All the sports played at Rudall are managed and supported by the club as a whole. They are a community with young families and have built a fantastic facility where everyone is made to feel welcome. On Saturday nights after home games we have quiz nights, mouse races (I kid you not!), live bands and we serve home cooked, inexpensive meals to encourage families to stay and interact and enjoy themselves.

Both of these clubs have people that are passionate about them. We have one club who are getting it right on the field and one getting it right off the field. And I think that's because we have different priorities. Rudall is about community involvement. Cleve is about winning. I'm not sure you can combine the two.

What I do know is that this has the potential to completely divide the community because there are people on both sides who feel very strongly about their point of view and who aren't willing to listen to one another.

And that's bad.

We are already suffering from a drought. We need to be supporting each other and not tearing each other down over a game of football, where it should be played, and who it should be played for.

Lord, please help those who make the decisions for both these clubs see beyond their own opinions and be open and honest with each other for the good of the community. Please don't allow this to come between people and divide the whole community.

Ouch...

2009-07-20T10:22:00.003+09:30

Oh the pain!

Just a quick warning...this post is going to be a whole lot of complaining so you have my permission to stop reading now!

On Saturday I played netball. This isn't unusual, I play netball most Saturdays, but this Saturday was different.

For those of you who don't know, I usually play in the goal ring, or on the wing. Stephanie is a centre. The centre is the person who runs. And runs. And runs some more. All they do is run.

We have a couple of girls who can play this position, as it's incredibly difficult to run out an entire game there.

On Saturday for the first time in two years we only had 7 players for 7 positions. This meant that Stephanie would have to play an entire game in centre, and she almost made it! She has been feeling a bit under the weather with a tummy bug for the past few days but seemed find on Saturday. Until the fourth quarter. She got head spins and felt really unwell.

No problem I thought. We can just put her in a position that doesn't run so much. I looked around me to see who I could swap her with. She can't play goals, or deep in defence because she is too short so I needed to swap her with one of the wings. Hmmmm. Oh dear. That would be me....

Waaaaaay back in the dark ages when I had two legs that worked I used to play centre. I loved it. It was my favourite position. But that was a long time (and about 10 kilograms) ago.

Surely I could manage a quarter. It's only 15 minutes!

There were sniggers from my "friends" on the sidelines as we changed position. There were comments about going to find the stretcher, or the defibrillator (this from a nurse!) and much snickering going on!

To cut a long story short, I did survive. But it was the LONGEST 15 minutes of my life! I thought I was going to DIE! And Stephanie had the cheek to point out that I was letting my player loose occasionally! RUDE!

We won the game by 10 goals and I was quite proud of my achievements in the end. I even got a the best player vote! Or a sympathy vote perhaps!

By 7pm I was struggling to walk, and getting up out of a chair was out of the question!

Today I'm still feeling quite a bit of pain in my "good" knee, and a normal amount of pain in my injured knee. I'm visiting the physio today (who was one of the sideline "sniggerers") to see if I'm doing any damage to my good knee. I'm worried that I'm putting too much pressure on it by favouring my bad leg too much, and it's going to be the next thing to go.

I only have about 5 games for the season. I'm hoping my body can hold it together for that long!

It's not about me...

2009-07-15T10:45:00.005+09:30

I don't know about you, but "it's not all about you" is a sentence I find myself saying to my teenage daughter a lot.

But a post I read this morning (thankyou Leah) got me thinking...it's not about me either!

As a worship leader it's pretty easy to fall into the trap of thinking it is about you. I stand in front of the congregation on a Sunday, using my talents to serve the Lord. Well, that's how it's supposed to be. People come up to me after the service and thank me, congratulate me, and tell me I'm doing a great job. And that's where it would be really easy to fall into the self indulgent trap of self gratification.

There are a few in our congregation who love to listen to me sing, which is very flattering! They often comment that I don't always use the microphone while we are singing. I tend to only sing into the microphone when we are learning a new song, or to alert people when to start singing. I feel that if we are singing a well known song they don't really need me. Afterall they aren't there to listen to me.

Which is all very well....except I'm a singer. I love to perform. I enjoy being the centre of attention. And sometimes I find myself singing more new songs than well known ones and that's when I have to question my motives.

A church service is not a concert. We are there to worship our Lord, as one, as a family, not to listen to a worship leader who loves to perform....

I don't think there is anything wrong with loving to perform. There is just a time and a place for it.

Here is a quote from Charles Swindoll, that I read on Leah's blog this morning. It really spoke to me and reminded me that worship leading is exactly that. Worship.

“Humble yourself. Rather than racing into the limelight, we need to accept our role in the shadows. I’m serious here. Don’t promote yourself. Don’t push yourself to the front. Don’t drop hints. Let someone else do that. Better yet, let God do that. If you’re great, trust me, the word will get out. You’ll be found…in God’s time. If you’re necessary for the plan, God will put you in the right place at just the precise time. God’s work is not about us; it’s His production, start to finish. So back off. Let Him pull the curtains and turn on the stage lights.”

"If you are necessary for the plan, God will put you in the right place as just the precise time". Wow. There's a piece of humble pie Sharon. "IF" you are necessary.

As Michael W Smith says in one of my very favourite worship songs "It's all about you, it's all about you Jesus".

Lord, thankyou for giving me the gifts you have to enable me to lead worship for your glory. Please help me to remember that it really is all about you.

Hope

2009-07-14T08:35:00.006+09:30

Hope is a very powerful thing.

When you have hope you can face almost any obstacle, and life is so much more liveable when you have hope.

In our little drought stricken town we are just beginning to see some flutters of hope.

Our paddocks have gone from looking like this (below) where there was no feed for the sheep, and they were being fed hay by us every day. We have very little hay left now, so the prospect of having enough oats to cut and bale for hay this year gives us hope.

To this. Doesn't that look so much better? Our soil is moist (and actually a little water logged at present!). There is plenty of green feed for the sheep. The sides of the roads are green. Everything looks fresh and beautiful.

Of course we have had this hope before, at this time of year. It's hard to not still be pessimistic when we remember than in the past few years things have looked pretty good in July, only to be dried up and withering by September.

But the past few weeks have been REALLY wet. Wetter than we have had for many years. And that means that the soil is getting moisture down deep, and the crops will send roots down there when the surface moisture dries out.

So, we have hope. And people in the town are smiling.

Lord, thankyou for this wonderful rain. Thankyou that it has fallen so evenly across the whole of Eyre Peninsula. I pray that it will bring renewed hope to our community. I pray for continued rain throughout winter and into spring to ensure our crops have the best chance.

On another subject; It's Jase's funeral today. Please pray for his family and friends as we say goodbye.

Sunday Morning Stroll

2009-07-12T11:19:00.005+09:30

I went for a bit of a walk this morning.

On a muddy road. In dress pants and high heels. For about 8 kilometres.

Let's go back to the beginning.

Our roads are wet at the moment (which of course I am NOT complaining about).

Wet, muddy roads can be a bit of a hazard, but I'm comfortable on the roads I drive on every day. I know where the slippery bits are, and drive accordingly.

This morning we had church at Arno Bay, which is about 30km from home. I was the worship leader so made sure I left in plenty of time so I had time to set up and get organised once I got there.

The road wasn't too bad, so I relaxed a little and probably wasn't being as cautious as I should have been. Before I knew it I had hit a big puddle (which stretched right across the road, so I couldn't go around it) a "little" too fast and in a split second I was amonst the trees on the side of the road.

I hopped out, assessed the damage which wasn't too bad (broken headlight, dented front fender, various scratches), hopped back in and proceeded to reverse back out onto the road.

The wheels started spinning, so I put the car in four wheel drive.

Still no luck.

What to do....here I am stuck on the side of a road that very few people use, with a FLAT mobile phone and people expecting me to lead them in worship in less than half an hour.

I tried to work out why the wheels were spinning and discovered that one of the back one's wasn't completely touching the ground, so I found some sticks and bits of branches (coincidentally there were plenty of broken branches lying around!) and jammed them under the offending wheel.

Still no luck.

So I decided I would walk...thinking that before I had gone too far someone from church would miss me and call Kym who knowing what time I left would come looking for me.

Well they took their time! They waited til I was almost a half hour late! I'm never late! By the time Kym came along I was almost home...tottering along in the mud in my shiny heels!!

So I'm hoping they managed ok without me at church. I feel really bad for leaving them in the lurch.

Dear Lord, thankyou for keeping me safe during my little mishap today. Thankyou for keeping the rain away until Kym had picked me up! Please help me to learn from this experience and treat our wet and muddy roads with a little more respect. Thankyou also for the wonderful rain we have had this week. Walking along the road today I couldn't help but appreciate the wonder of your creation all around me, and marvel at the beauty of it.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

2009-07-11T10:31:00.004+09:30

RED ALERT!!

This is traffic warning to all residents of South Australia....

Stephanie has her probationary licence!!!

She completed all her lessons with her final drive yesterday. The final drive is where they have to do their test, and she passed with 96%, which is great....really....I mean that!

I'm just glad the whole process is over! It was a lot more expensive than I expected, and a lot has changed since I got my licence!

Firstly she sat for her learners permit - $32 (luckily she passed because if you fail you have to re sit and keep paying!)

Then she had to complete 50 hours of daytime driving and 10 hours of night driving. Who knows how much this cost in fuel. I probably don't want to know.

Then it's time for lessons. She had to complete a minimum of 5 lessons at $100 per lesson.

Yesterday's final drive was also $100.

And finally her probationary licence was $75

So....a total of $707, which doesn't include the fuel!!!

I'm just glad we have a couple of years to recover now before Scott qualifies to get his licence. Although, no doubt the rules will have changed again by then...

Lord, please watch over Stephanie as she enjoys the freedom that comes with having a licence. Protect her on the road and help her make wise decisions. Help her to remember that a drivers licence is a privelige and comes with responsibility. Most of all keep her safe.

Netball Stress

2009-07-09T15:38:00.003+09:30

You may remember my constant whining last year when I told you all about my netball team. How we had almost double the amount of players we needed and what a constant struggle it was to give everyone fair court time....

I said I was never coaching again after that.

Famous last words.

This year in a moment of temporary insanity I decided to not only coach that team again, but to play. Which means I am coaching and playing with my daughter.

Madness.

Our numbers haven't been so abundant this year. And with the loss of Lightening (no commitment!) we are down to nine, sometimes eight (you need seven) players. So not so many headaches there.

But the team doesn't seem to be as cohesive this year as it was last year. There has been nit picking and niggling and just general not nicedness (great word hey!). And that is very draining. It's hard to keep that in check while you are trying to concentrate on your own game. Often I'm so busy trying to get it right myself that I don't notice things that happen around me.

To be honest I'm just over it.

I'm really looking forward to the season being over.

Next year I think I will just play.

Steph in action, grand final 2008.

A Tribute

2009-07-08T10:17:00.004+09:30

Last night a beautiful soul left us, he was just 17.

Jase is the son of a long time friend of mine. When he was 3 months old, and I was pregnant with Stephanie, Kym and I babysat Jase for a few weeks while his Mum had a much needed break from her two little ones.

He was a delightful baby. Full of smiles. So easy to love. Kym and I enjoyed every moment we spent with him, and it filled us with anticipation of the birth of our own child.

A few days after his Mum came home and Jase went home he had a seizure. This seizure almost claimed his life but his Mum and her Dad managed to keep him alive during the fast and scary trip to hospital.

The months to follow would be a blur of seizures, tests, more seizures, stress and worry for the whole family. No one was able to pin point the cause of the seizures and therefore were powerless to stop them. Each seizure left Jase a little more brain damaged.

By the time he was 2 he was on extremely strong medication to try to stop the seizures. This helped and the frequency of them was slowed right down but he was never the same little boy again.

Jase has spent his 17 years being loved, cared for and watched over by friends, family and the whole community.

Everyone loves Jase.

He has gone through school in Stephanie's class, and they have taken him under their wing, at times fiercely protective of him. He was unable to walk long distances, or talk, but he still smiled that beautiful smile.

Jase loved trucks. He had a truck magazine as his constant companion, and he loved to show you his trucks. He also loved to collect bottles and cans for recycling. You had to make sure you held on to your coke, because Jase wasn't concerned with whether you were finished it or not!

Last night Jase suffered his last seizure.

Rest in peace little man. Our world just won't be the same without you.

Lord, please be with Jase's family as they mourn his sudden death. Please offer them comfort and help them in this time of sadness and loss.

Church Get Together

2009-07-05T15:07:00.004+09:30

This weekend saw us having a bye for netball and football so was a great opportunity for us to all get together as a church family.

There are a few families in our church that a doing it pretty tough at the moment, so we thought it would be a good idea to just spend time in fellowship and friendship. It was a lovely relaxed night out, everyone thoroughly enjoyed the food (which was cooked by Kym, a camp oven which is his specialty!) and just spending time together.

We had two camp ovens. One full of chicken (those are Kym's hands trying to squeeze in one more!), and one with lamb and beef. The meat was cooked to perfection and everyone was full of praise for Kym's efforts. I was just full of praise that Kym was at a church event!

Kym, Scott and I went down to the church early as the meat had to be put on to cook at around 3pm. We sat around the fire and enjoyed a cuppa and Kym and Scott took the opportunity to have a kick of the footy. I love this shot of Scott. He has just kicked the ball. He's taken his shoes off (and run around in the dirt in white socks!!!) because he can kick further that way. Of course. Silly me. Why didn't I think of that.

Here is everyone toasting marshmallows over the fire. I just love a toasted marshmallow! I love to burn it, then eat off the burnt layer and toast it again until it's all gone!

Here are the "second tier" group of teenagers. The older group (Stephanie's age) weren't there as they are all off on a youth camp for the first week of the school holidays.

And here we have a few of us sitting around the campfire, tummies full and enjoying some great company!

Thankyou Lord for events such as this where Kym is happy to be involved in a church function. I pray that being surrounded by wonderful encouraging people like this will help soften his heart toward you and allow him to let you in.

Kym's Health

2009-07-03T08:18:00.002+09:30

Good morning everyone.

I wonder if you could spare a minute for a quick prayer this morning...

Kym is off to the doctor to have his blood pressure checked.

About 8 years ago we discovered by accident (he ended up in hospital after coming off his motorbike, so had his blood pressure taken) that Kym has ridiculously high blood pressure. He also has high cholesterol.

After lots of tests there was no cause found for either condition, other than hereditary. His Mum has high blood pressure, his grandpa on his Mum's side died at the age of 52 from a heart attack.

Kym isn't overweight. Doesn't smoke (anymore). Doesn't drink to excess. He is physically fit and leads a pretty healthy lifestyle.

So, he was put on medication, which fixed both problems.

Until now.

In the past couple of years his blood pressure has been on the rise again. A month ago the doctor changed his medication. He was warned that this may make his blood pressure drop significantly and to be careful when standing up as he may be light headed.

Well. This super strength medication has brought his blood pressure down. A little. It certainly hasn't made him light headed.

Today he visits the doctor again for a check up. If the doctor isn't happy with his progress he may increase the dosage, or send Kym to a heart specialist.

To be honest, I'd rather he just went to the heart specialist. With his family history I'd like to know what's going on.

Lord, I pray that the doctor will give Kym a clear course of action today. And that we will find answers to his health issues. Please give the doctor clarity and help him make the right decision with regard to Kym.

Washing Machine Saga part 678

2009-07-02T14:15:00.003+09:30

It's been TWO WEEKS people!

Still no washing machine!

Apparently we are still waiting for parts. How long can it possibly take? Are they coming on a slow boat from China? Is this boat being rowed with tiny little oars?

Am I the only person who thinks it's unreasonable to cope without a washing machine while working full time and doing the laundry of a whole family? Especially when one of those family members is a teenage girl?

Somebody please come and dig me out from this mountain of dirty laundry that I am buried under! It smells really bad under here!

Twin Cousins

2009-07-01T15:50:00.007+09:30

These beautiful girls were born one day apart. We call them our twins. But really, they couldn't be any more different if they tried. They are fair and dark, chalk and cheese, night and day.

Amber (in the pink) is bright and breezy, bubbly and carefree. She goes with the flow and if she is upset or down she manages to hide it and greet you with a smile. Steph (in the blue) is brooding and intense, fiercly loyal and demanding. When she is upset you know about it, if she is grumpy you will not get a smile out of her! If Steph wants something she will tell you (really tell you!), whereas Amber has more subtle (insert "sneeky"!) ways of getting her own way.This has caused more than a few conflicts as they've grown up. They have had some huge fights. They have disliked each other intensely (well more intensely on Steph's side, because she is the intense one!)

Who knows what life has in store for these beautiful young women. Whatever it is they will always have each other to fall back on. They may intensely hate each other at times, but they always forgive, and always remember they love each other, and I hope they always will.

Green with Envy!

2009-06-30T15:51:00.002+09:30

Tomorrow, a very dear friend of mine (Lightening) is leaving for a HUGE holiday.

She is taking her husband, and her three kids along the East Coast of Australia in a caravan for three whole months.

I'm so jealous!

I'm also extremely happy and excited for her. If anyone deserves good things to happen to her it's Lightening. She has been an absolute blessing to me and I treasure her friendship immensely.

But I'm also sad.

I won't see her for three whole months! I know I will hear from her, and I will be able to keep tabs on her via her blog, but that's not the same as a cuppa and a chat, or a prayer after church when I really need it. And she always seems to know when I really need it.

Lord, please be with Lightening and her family as they make final preparations today for their big trip. Please watch over them as they travel and grant them safe passage. I know they will bless everyone they meet, and I pray that they meet many interesting people and enjoy every moment they spend together.

Grace

2009-06-29T08:23:00.003+09:30

I have a friend who I'm quite sure is in my life to repeatedly give me lessons on grace.

She frustrates me.

Sometimes she makes me really really angry.

But I still love her. Most of the time.

This weekend was a time when she really got me hot under the collar. It happened on Saturday. And I stewed over it for the rest of the day. Then I stewed over it all night. By the time it was time to go to church on Sunday I was all set to confront her. For those of you who don't know me that means I was really cross! I avoid confrontation like the plague! Hate it!

So, I get to church and Melissa, who was worship leading and playing the piano at once asked me if I could sing the songs for her.

Even though I was grumpy, I still said yes to that. Never pass up an opportunity to sing!

So there I am, standing up in church, singing worship songs. Looking straight at my friend who I was really really cross with. And do you know what? The anger and resentment just left me. It was completely lifted and I was able to forgive her once again.

She will annoy me again. Without even knowing she's done it. She is notorious for treading on people's toes, and I'm quite sure she has no clue that she has upset anyone. Even when someone tells her, she is so thick skinned it just doesn't compute.

But she is also one of the most loving, giving and genuine people I know. If you ever need help she is always the first one there. And when she stood facing me in church today, her face shining as she sang for the glory of the Lord I remembered that just like me she is the daughter of a King, and it's not my place to judge her. I just have to love her for her who she is and keep forgiving her. Even when she doesn't know she has upset me, and doesn't even realise that I'm forgiving her.

And that's really hard sometimes.

Makes me realise how lucky I am that I have the Lord who keeps forgiving me. Keeps showing me grace when I deserve the opposite.

God's Garden

2009-06-26T21:49:00.010+09:30

A couple of weeks ago I had a great time with my Dad's fantastic camera around our farm and garden. The resulting photos fill me with wonder at God's creation, and joy that I am His child. Stopping and "smelling the roses" like this makes me so thankful and full of praise, and the worship leader in me is immediately reminded of a song....

Into your hands, I commit again,

All I am for you Lord.

You hold my world in the palm of your hand,

And I am yours forever.

Jesus I believe in you,

Jesus I belong to you,

You're the reason that I live,

The reason that I sing,

With all Iam

I will walk with you wherever you go

Through tears and joy

I'll trust in you

And I will live in all of your ways

Your promises forever

Jesus I believe in you,

Jesus I belong to you,

You're the reason that I live,

The reason that I sing

With all Iam.

The song is called "With All Iam" and it's always been a special one to me. It just really speaks to me...

And in case you are wondering, the moisture on the flowers isn't from being watered. It's from RAIN!!! Over the last few days we have had a wonderful, steady soaking. Thanks so much for your prayers, keep up the good work! Regular rain through to September will ensure we have a viable crop.

Reflection

2009-06-25T15:33:00.002+09:30

I've been wondering lately just what the Lord has in store for my future.

I've been trying not to worry (and failing miserabely!) about the future path my children will take. Whether they will find a job they enjoy, a person to love them, a happy and productive future.

And then there is Kym and I. We have endured 4 consecutive bad years on the farm. Only three of them have been officially called a drought, but the other was what's called a price drought. We had the grain, but the prices were so low it wasn't profitable.

I have to admit, I have on occasion hoped for us to have to leave. I've often yearned for something new, a new adventure, a change of pace. But it doesn't seem to be my reality. I grew up in a nomadic family. I have lived in almost every state in Australia and I love the idea of new horizons to explore.

My husband is a very good farm and financial manager. Which means we are still quite stable, even after so many bad years. Obviously the Lord has a plan for me. It would appear that that plan involves me staying put.

Which is ok. Really.

I have travelled enough to appreciate that this is a wonderful place to live. It feels isolated at times and sometimes it's frustrating (when you can't get your washing machine fixed because it takes a week to get the parts from Sydney), but it's still a fabulous place to live. And so safe. Our kids have so much freedom.

I guess I just need to remind myself again to leave it all with the Lord. He will look after my kids. He will see to their future and to mine. Nothing is too big or too small or too hard for him.

It's not fair.

2009-06-22T20:29:00.002+09:30

You have my permission to stop reading now....this is going to be a bit of a rant.

When I left school in 1987 we were in the grips of recession. I remember being terrified of not being able to find a job. It consumed my every waking moment.

I was lucky, and was able to find a good job straight out of school, so my worry was unfounded. But the memory of that uncertainty and fear hasn't left me.

Since then times have been pretty good for our school leavers. Most kids leaving school have a choice of jobs, they have been able to select the field they want to go into without the "beggers can't be choosers" mentality that I and my classmates had.

Until now.

Right when MY kids are preparing to leave school and enter the workforce.

So now all that uncertainty, and worry, and stress is back.

It's just NOT. FAIR.

Why do I have to go through all this again?

At the moment thoughts of what career path to take are consuming Stephanie's every thought. She knows what she wants to do but she is afraid that there won't be a job for her once she finishes her studies. Stephanie is artistic. She loves makeup, cosmetics and the beauty industry. She loves colour and design and her dream is to become an interior decorator. And she would be so good at it. She has such an eye for colour and her attention to detail is fabulous.

She loves fashion, and design, as we saw in the beautiful gown she designed for herself for her debutante ball.

She is already selling herself short by coming up with compromises. She is telling herself that she needs to steer away from what she wants to do and think about what she feels is possible.

I did exactly the same thing. I found a good job and that was the end of chasing my dreams.

It breaks my heart to see her following in my footsteps, because she is afraid, because she lacks confidence in herself and because she is putting so many limitations on her own abilities.

The best thing I can do for her is pray. And this I will do. I didn't know the Lord when I was going through this struggle myself. I'm not sure that Stephanie beleives in the Lord either but she does have a Mum praying for her, which is more than I had.

Lord, help Stephanie to follow her dreams and reach her potential. Please show her the path that you have planned for her and help her have the courage to follow it. Please watch over her as she thinks about her future and help her to look to the future with courage and excitement rather than fear and trepadition. Help me guide her as you would like her guided. Help me speak words of wisdom and encouragement when I struggle to remain calm and patient. Give her some direction Lord, and show her that with You anything is possible.

Dreaming

2009-06-20T08:51:00.006+09:30

In the middle of the night last night I came up with what I want for my 40th birthday.

I am 40 this year, just before Christmas. I've been in denial about it for quite some time but now I've come up with something that will make me look forward to it.

I'm just not sure it's possible.

I would love our family to fly to Perth to spend Christmas with Kym's brother Brad, his wife Ainsley and their dear little girl Jessica. Jessica is 3 and we have already missed so much of seeing her grow up.

How Beautiful is this little girl? I'm only a little bit biased!

There are a few obstacles.

The cost: While not completely prohibitive, we would have to start saving yesterday.

Harvest: Shouldn't be an issue unless we have an absolute bumper year and it takes a really long time! Or, if we have lots of breakdowns (perish the thought), or rain (can't harvest wet grain).

Grandpa: Kym's Grandpa is 90. And while he is still pretty healthy we are starting to treasure special days with him more and more. Every Christmas with Grandpa is special, but we are starting to wonder if each one will be the last, and none of us want to miss that last Christmas.

Grandpa in January this year, on his 90th birthday. Surrounded by photos of his great grand children. A wonderul, giving, kind and very special Grandpa.

Beach Holiday: Kym and the kids can do both holidays but I can't. We traditionally spend most of January at Grandpa's shack at the beach. The kids love this time and would be horrified if we missed a year. It's not an expensive holiday as we don't pay accomodation and it's only a 40 minute drive from home. The issue is that if I take time off over Christmas to go to Perth, then I won't be able to have time off to spend at the shack. Last year I travelled back to work each day from the beach and that was Really. Hard.

But on the plus side, it would be wonderful to spend Christmas with members of our family we don't get to see very often. Not to mention spend it with a three year old! Teenagers don't exactly get excited about Santa anymore, and I really miss that!

My dear friend Kath lives not far from Perth, so I would be able to see her as well. Also Steph would be able to see her friends from when we lived over there.

I shall put it to the family and see what they think....

A note on the washing machine saga...still not repaired, hopefully next week. BUT last night I came home to find clean, folded laundry on my kitchen table....Kym took it down to his Mum's and she did our washing! My mother in law is one of those well meaning but always in the way type mother in laws. She has a heart of gold but drives me INSANE! But today she is my favourite person in the whole world...

AAAARRRGH!!!

2009-06-18T09:08:00.003+09:30

You wouldn't believe it.

After spending a weekend in Adelaide (and spending is the key word here) I came home to a mountain of washing.

We got home on Monday night and threw it all into the laundry to be dealt with whenever one of us had the time and energy.

Tuesday night I went to a Ministry Team meeting, so no washing happened.

Wednesday Kym decided to get it started as we had some sunshine.

And the washing machine has died.

Why now? Why does it have to happen when I can't open my laundry door because of all the dirty clothes stacked up? Why now when I can't afford another washing machine?

Sigh.

Kym is bringing it into town this morning, he has had a look and thinks its something to do with the electrical circuit. Hopefully whatever it is will be cheap, quick, and easy to fix.

In the meantime the kids have school photos today so last night I hand washed their uniform! They had other clean uniform but they wanted to wear the newer, less faded ones for school photo day. Which is fair I guess. We have dragged my old washing machine out from the back shed. It only spins, so after handwashing I put them through the spinner and through the dryer (which still works thankfully!).

You know what's really annoying. This washing machine isn't even that old. We worked out last night that it's 5 years old. I've been married almost 20 years and this is my second washing machine. The first one lasted 15 years. They sure don't build things like they used to!

Beekeeping for Beginners!

2009-06-16T15:21:00.005+09:30

Something that I discovered this weekend is that bee keeping is really involved!

We went to Adelaide this weekend so that Steph could visit some art galleries as part of her art program this semester.

We stayed with Kym's favourite aunt, and her husband who is a very experienced bee keeper, or to be technically correct, apiarist. Marty's family own the largest apiary in South Australia and are well know in bee keeping circles so Kym was keen to learn all he could from him over the weekend.

Kym is most excited, and after spending about double what he expected is now fully set up to keep 5 hives.

Above is the basic set up of one bee box. You need at least two of these (even better, three) to keep a happy hive. The queen lives in the bottom box and lays all her babies in the honey comb there and the box on top is the honey box. The queen is kept down in the bottom with a queen excluder mat. I told you it was involved! Most boxes come with metal lids which we don't use in South Australia. We only use wood because the metal gets too hot in summer and a mass of melted wax, honey and dead bees is not a good thing! One thing Marty said to us over and over again was the most important thing was to have happy, healthy bees. If you look after your bees the honey will come, which is logical really.

The next big purchase will need to happen in spring time when the honey is "flowing" (that's what bee keepers call it, I think it's a great phrase!). We will need a honey extractor which is a big metal spinner that you put your frames in and spin the honey out.

One of these babies will set you back anything from $800 to $8000 depending on how many frames it holds, and whether it is automatic or done by hand. I'm telling you right now we won't be doing it by hand!

Then we will need to purchase some honey containers to put our honey in for selling! 5 bee hives apparently yields about 500kg of honey, which is quite a lot of honey!

Kym is now looking into planting lots and lots more trees around our farm. We already have a lot of our property revegetated but now he's looking at it from the perspective of having something flowering all year round for his bees.

I haven't been all that involved in this whole process unless Kym has asked my advice on something but I'm really enjoying watching how excited and animated he is about it. With farming being the way it has these past four years it's wonderful to see him really animated about something.

Hope

2009-06-09T14:37:00.003+09:30

There is always hope.

To our Lord, no one is hopeless, or a lost cause.

Something I would do well to remember...

This week something wonderful happened on Sunday. Stephanie came to church. She got up, dressed and asked if I would mind if she came along. Mind? I think not!

I told her I would love her to join me. And so she did.

I can't describe the feeling of standing next to her singing worship songs. Actually mostly I just listened to her sing them. She didn't know them all, as she hasn't been to church in quite some time but she is a fast learner and picked them up really quickly.

I love listening to her sing. But listening to her sing worship songs, now that is something else entirely.

She has a beautiful, sweet, clear voice that is well suited to worship! I hope and pray that she uses her gift solely for the glory of the Lord some day.

I'm not sure what made her decide to come. Whether it was to see her friend Sophie (whose wonderful positive influence on Steph is something I am eternally grateful for), or to please me, or (I dare not hope) because she wants to know the Lord.

Lord, thankyou for the time I spent sharing worship with Stephanie this week. These moments are so precious to me and I pray that Stephanie will grow to love you and live to worship you.

A little something I shared in church today.

2009-06-07T12:54:00.002+09:30

This weekend is a long weekend in South Australia. One of the good things about being part of a Monarchy is we get a public holiday for the Queen's Birthday. Even though her birthday isn't in June...but I digress.

Due to it being a long weekend there were quite a few families going away and so not going to be at church. We decided to make it a congregational service for this reason. A congregational service is pretty much just sharing among the congregation.

We still have a worship leader, and we still sing worship songs, but the sermon is opened up to the floor and anyone is welcome to share something.

We had a couple of families do plays from the parables which is always entertaining.

A couple of members shared from their hearts about God's creation, and how amazing it is that God's plan is perfect and when we have our hearts right for the Lord stuff just happens.

I read a poem that I had prepared for my Niece's baptism a year ago, but that service got too long and I never ended up using it.

Here it is...

Prayer for the Children

We pray for the children
Who bring us vegemite kisses,
And fistfuls of dandelions.
Who sneak lollies before dinner
And can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those who never get dessert,
Who have no safe blanket or comfort toy,
Who watch their parents watch them die.
Who don't have rooms to clean up
Whose pictures aren't on anyone's mantel
Whose monsters are real.

We pray for the children
Who spend their pocket money on rubbish,
Who throw tantrums in shopping centres
And pick at their food,
Who shove dirty clothes under the bed
And won't be kissed in front of their friends.
Who squirm in church
And squash flies in hym books.
Whose tears we sometimes laugh at
And whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime
Who never get enough to eat
Who have never been to the dentist
Who aren't spoiled by anyone
Who go to bed hungryand cry themselves to sleep
Who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for the children who want to be carried
And for those who must
Who we never give up on
And for those who give up on themselves
We pray for those we smother
And for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.
Lord, we pray for all the children.
Let all the children come to you.

I started out wanting to write a prayer, as I was the worship leader for my niece's baptism and I'm not good at praying off the cuff. It wasn't meant to become a poem, but that's what happened!

Hope everyone has had a relaxing and restful Sunday.

Spa Party

2009-06-06T17:38:00.003+09:30

Last night Steph held a Mary Kay spa party at our house. A spa party is where we treat the guests to a facial and a foot spa. We ended up with a few more people than we bargained for...a few people cancelled mid week, so we invited more, and then the original people decided they could come afterall! It was pretty hectic and Steph was exhausted afterward (she gave 16 foot massages!) but she gained a lot of experience.

We split the group in two since we had so many. Half did the facial while the other half had their feet soaked and massaged and then we swapped. Here is a group of Steph's classmates looking gorgeous in their clay masks! If you are wondering what the writing is on the back of my kitchen door, it's our family growth chart! That mark at the top is now Scott.

Here is Steph hard at work. She made roughly $150 from this party and I'm thinking she earned every cent! Her thumbs were cramping up by the end of the evening!

The ladies had a wonderful time. There was a great deal of laughter and fun. I'm thinking I would like to go to one of these parties because they look like a lot of fun! Being the hostess as well as the consultant is really hard work!

Tonight we have a family over for dinner. We are cooking a camp oven and spending a relaxing evening around the camp fire, toasting marshmallows and chatting. One of the upsides of living on a farm, we can light a camp fire whenever we like! Looking forward to it!

Working Mother Meltdown...

2009-06-05T08:29:00.006+09:30

I'm sure you've heard of it.

It's a phenomenon that occurs when the working mother is juggling too many balls and someone throws her another one and everything comes crashing down.

That happened to me this morning...

Steph is holding a Mary Kay party tonight at our home (she is a Mary Kay beauty consultant with quite a bit of help from her Mum). This week has been a busy one for us. Monday night we had our grand final of squash (my team came second), Tuesday I baked in readiness for Steph's party, Wednesday night we went out to tea for a friend's 40th birthday, Thursday was netball training. And of course everyday between the hours of 7:45am and 6pm I am travelling to work, working, and travelling home.

Got home from netball training around 8pm and set about scrubbing the bathroom till is shone. Since Steph is having a spa party I wanted guests to be able to use the bathroom if need be.

Was feeling quite smug with my efforts this morning as I showered in my sparkling bathroom when dear husband said "you could have done a bit of housework last night"

I didn't yell and scream, that's not my thing. I held it in and tried not to react. And failed. I'm not sure whether it was the banging of cutlery as I made Scott's lunch or the sniffing as I held back angry tears but something tipped Kym off to the fact that he'd crossed the line.

He apologised, still justifying his position. "I always leave things to the last minute" was one of the comments he made. And his sorry was more like a sor-RY. The kind of apology that he begrudgingly gives to try to get himself out of trouble. He said "sorry, but..." There should be no "but".

I'm being a bit hard on him. He was genuinely sorry that he upset me, but still adamant that he was right.

I will get it done. I usually do. It bothers me that he has so little faith in me. That even though he has apologised he still thinks I'm not doing a very good job.

And I may not be.

But I can only juggle so many balls...and I'm doing my best.

My best may not be good enough sometimes, but it's still my best, and it's still all I can do.